Post # 1
My daughter has never met her bio-father. We left him when she was 2 weeks old and he has been completely absent.
Now that FI is in the picture, she sees him as her dad. She has said “When mommy and Jordan get married, Jordan will be my daddy”
Sometimes she says “I wish you guys could be married so I could call you dad” And Fi replies by saying “You can call me dad whenever you want”
I usually call him Jordan and when I talk to her I don’t say “Go call your dad” I say “Go call Jordan”
So my question is, is anyone else in this sort of situation? How did that transition from name to dad happen? Should I start refering to him as daddy or should I wait till she starts calling him that?
Post # 3
I find that pretty sweet. I would ask you FH what he is comfortable with and then let the two of them find it naturally.
Post # 4
Well it does sound like he’s comfortable already. I think because she recognizes the marriage as being significant, then perhaps you should include her in the ceremony and at that point start referring to him as Daddy. (sorry I butted in, since I don’t have bio-children, however I have an amazing little bonus son)
Post # 5
I would follow her lead honestly. I don’t have any kids, but my step-dad married my mom when I was 3 and I was always told if I wanted to, I could call him dad and I did a couple times, but calling him by his first name always (and still does) came natural to me instead. If she’s asking about it though, I say start calling him “dad” in front of her, if she isn’t really comfortable with it, she’ll make it known.
Post # 6
I guess I am just worried that once we start having more children, she will feel kind of odd.
I think I will start calling him dad and see how she reacts.
Post # 7
@tranquility: Just as a reply from the other side. I never felt out of place or less than my brother and sister who are my step-dad’s bio kids. I always refer to him as my dad when talking to other people, and when he tell people about his kids he has 3, 2 daughters and a son. It sounds like your FI will be the kind of person who will treat her just like he’ll treat any of his bio kids when you guys starting having them.
Post # 8
I’m right there with ya. Only my son does know his dad (very rarely sees him).. He even said the same thing before the wedding… & on the big day when we left for the honeymoon he totally said bye dad. I still call Justin, Justin, but the munchkin is starting to call him dad more often. I still feel pretty weird referring to Justin as dad. It probably won’t be till the munchkin calls him dad more often than not that I refer to him as dad too.
Post # 9
@tranquility: My daughter calls Fi ‘babe’ lol. He has been around since she was one.. and just started talking. I always called FI babe.. and she picked it up. Her dad is still active in her life but sometimes she calls FI daddy babe.. I think its cute. FI desperately wants her to call him daddy.. but I think it would just confuse her. I say go for them finding it naturally. When FI and I move in together.. I am going to try to refer to him as daddy..
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Follow her lead. If she starts calling him Dad all the time, it’s okay for you to use the same language.
I think the title is earned; kids don’t just give it away. My DS was 12 when Mr. Lk and I combined households, and DS made it very clear to me, at that time, that Mr.LK was an adult that he liked and respected, but he was not “Dad”. And then a few weeks ago DS used the “D” word. And last night, while Mr. LK and DS were cleaning up after dinner, he called Mr. LK “Dad.” It’s not a consistent pattern yet, but progress is being made.
Post # 11
It is good to know that other bees are in the same shoes!
thanks for your advice !!
Post # 12
This is the exact situation we were in. We definately let my DD call the shots. She would call him Dad in front of kids at school (he would go for Donuts for Dads and things like that). And then when she got married she asked if she should just call him Dad all the time. We have a daughter together also so I think it made the transition easier. Sometimes it is harder for me to remember then her!
Post # 13
I have the same type of situation but mine is alittle more complicated…I will try to explain without rambling lol
My oldest daughters father is my Ex-Husband and he and I get a long really well now.
My youngest daughters bio-dad was a situation that happened in between my divorce and my FI. Her BD (BIO-DAD) has not seen her in 2years and hasn’t paid me child support since March (now dealing with the courts with that) …
So, the littlest one started going to my exhusbands with my oldest daughter on her “daddy weekends” before FI came into the picture because my EX said that it wasn’t her fault her BD was a waste of space. So since she was 2years old she has called my ExHusband daddy. Now in reality he isn’t anything biological to her at all but treats her as his own (yes I am grateful for this it’s amazing for her and her sister). But, obviously my oldest understands the whole situation being that she is 8yrs old….
Now enter FI…. they both call him Mark or Marky…but now that the wedding is so close and we are talking about it more my littlest one keeps asking when Marky will be her daddy….it’s hard because she doesn’t think she can call him daddy and my ex husband daddy at the same time ( yeah talk about confusion for a 4year old lol ) So, we have just told her that she can call Marky whatever she wants and sometimes it’s daddy, daddy marky or just Marky….In the end we just let her decide and we will go with that!
Post # 14
On heres a great spin on it….
DS Dad has made very clear for years.. to only me (through ugly phone calls) that he is NOT okay with my now husband (then any guy I might marry) being “Dad”…. (He was made to call his step-dad “dad” my his mother and step-father)
Now how am I supposed to tell my son, who on his own started calling DH dad, that he can’t?!..
Needless to say ex-husband doesn’t know.. and I’ve been holding off dealing with him. *sigh*