(Closed) Just a taste of what is to come????

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think if the guest is part of the bridal party, you need to allow them a +1 regardless of your personal thoughts on that person’s relationship to your wedding party member.  It’s also not on you to decide if the things she purchases with her own money are practical or not. I don’t think it’s right of anyone to promise a gift when the gift isn’t in hand and ready to be delivered, but that’s a separate issue.  It’s probably more like she’s being flaky with money rather than lying but either way, it’s uncomfortable.

At any rate, you should allow her to bring her guest and not start examining what she spends her money on.

Post # 4
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Do you dislike the new guy she’s dating?  B/c if not, I just think you should let her bring him.  Apparently, people hate to travel alone. I understand it’s an additional $80 on your end, but tell her that it’s costing you $80 more.  I think you should keep your feelings of her behavior of stringing a guy along out of the equation.  Not saying you’re right/wrong, but that’s not the point.  Is this really the drama you want to deal with right now?  I would just say, “You can bring him, but it’s costing me an extra $80 to pay for him and I would appreciate it if you would split the cost.”  It might be rude or bad etiquette, but so is adding a plus 1 to an rsvp when you didn’t have a plus 1. 

 

Post # 5
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

My opinion is that the bridal party should always be able to bring guests, and like fishbone said,  “regardless of your personal thoughts on that person’s relationship to your wedding party member.”

Post # 6
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

She should be able to bring him and you should keep you thoughts on her situation to yourself.

Post # 7
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@fishbone:  I agree.  OP, I think you need to allow her to bring a date.  Members of the bridal party spend a lot of time and money on wedding related stuff – parties, travel, lodging, transportation, attire, helping prep for the wedding, getting stuff set up, ect.  I think the least you can do is allow them to bring a date so they will be comfortable and so you know they’ll have a good time and help offset any costs. 

Also, you shouldn’t judge her on how she spends her money.  You may think a computer game is impractical, but that might be her hobby and she’ll probably get hours and hours of entertainment out of it.  Where as for a hotel, it’s only for one night for a party that’s for someone else.  So she may think the hotel room as impractical.

Post # 10
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly though you’re not in a position to decide if what someone else buys is practical or impractical. It’s a very bad habit that will bite you many times over the coming years if you don’t learn to stop doing that.  You can’t look at every gift-giving or money-spending occasion where someone feels like they’re coming up short, and keep a mental tally of their recent “good” or “bad” purchases.  The practicality of what someone chooses to spend their money on is entirely their decision.

It is perfectly reasonable to require the MoH to RSVP on behalf of her guest, so that you can get an accurate count. If you are worried that her date might not show up, then explain to her that once you finish your seating chart, you can’t go back and re-do it, so to ensure there is not an empty seat at the head table (or wherever the bridesmaids will be seated), you need to be sure he will coming.  Be polite and tactful when you ask. Something like “Sally, I’m going to start working on my seating charts now, and I want to make it perfect. Could you confirm that Joe won’t have any last-minute conflicts that would prevent him from coming? It would be a little weird to have the chair next to you empty on that day!”

Post # 12
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Strictly from an etiquette perspective, if this friend is not married, engaged, or living with someone, you do not need to allow her to bring a guest.

However, I agree with prior posters who said that you really should not be keeping track of how this friend chooses to spend her money.  She may still be planning to give you a shower gift and just has not yet made time to purchase it, or, perhaps she ordered online from your registry and the order is still being fulfilled or is in the process of being shipped to you.

Finally, I wanted to add that I don’t think you should categorize the flowers you will be providing for your friend to carry in the wedding as a “gift” to her, since, unlike a more permanent item — such as jewelry, for example, flowers really only serve the purpose of adding to the decor of your wedding and will not be a lasting gift.

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