Post # 1
First, some background. When Fiance and I first got together I ran into a lot of opposition from my immediate family. We have an age difference of about 10 years and that really didn’t sit well with my family. My dad refused to meet him for the first 8 months of our relationship. We’ve moved past all of that and now my family loves him.
I’ve very casually announced our engagement- word of mouth and Facebook. His parents, my parents and my grandparents were the only ones that got a formal, in person announcement. I made the decision not to spend the money on formal paper announcements and apparently that’s backfired.
I spoke to my great aunt on the phone today (she’s also my godmother) and she asked if I was engaged. I responded with an enthusiastic yes. She responded “Is it for real? Or is it pretend?” I was shocked. When I asked her “Why would you say such a thing?” She said “Because no one seems excited about it.” I brushed her off on the phone and said “Of course they’re excited, I just haven’t made a formal announcement,” but now I’m pretty hurt. We went through a lot with my family in the beginning and just as it seems to be working out, I get this. /sigh
Post # 3
@Aure: That’s a shame that she said that. I hope it is just an isolated incident with your great aunt. It sounds like she is taking it personally that she didn’t get a formal announcement, and now she is taking it out on you by making it seem others aren’t excited. How the heck does she know; did she take a poll? Chin up. You have moved past so much. Don’t let her getcha down. 🙂
Post # 4
I can understand how your aunt might feel hurt. She IS your Godmother afterall. I also understand that you may not be super close to her, but I’m sure she feels left out that you didn’t persoanlly call her yourself and let her hear it from another source. I don’t think this has anything to do with your family not liking your Fiance, but your family just not liking or appreciating how they found out. They may not seem as excited because maybe they weren’t sure to believe it or not since it didn’t come from you? Family can be very confusing sometimes. I wouldn’t take it personally but don’t be surprised if you encouter more of the same with other members of your family.
Post # 5
@Aure: I am SO sorry. Your aunt obviously has no manners or cares how you feel, and that is a shame. I think it is great that you were able to work through a ten year age difference and now your family has warmed up to him. No wonder you didn’t do a formal announcement for everyone, look how they’re acting. The whole thing seems gossipy to me. It sounds like you got engaged and it trickled down the pipeline but no one called to congratulate, instead to question and assume. What did she even mean “is it for real or is it pretend?” What in the heck is that supposed to mean? I am sorry some of your family members have been unsupportive but I hope eventually everyone will come around to make it a joyous occasion.
Post # 6
@Aure: Sorry you are going through this. I don’t know why that some people get all upset about age differences. I was Maid/Matron of Honor in a friend’s wedding and her and her hubby had about a 10 year age difference. Sadly, many of his friends didn’t attend the wedding because of it.
It’s about the love between the two people, age is just a number. Sorry to hear you are going through this, hugs to you!
Post # 7
@Cornflakegirl: Thank you. So far it has been mostly isolated. She is a very analytical person and I’m not shocked that she didn’t respond like I’d hoped to the awesome “Why would you ask that?” response that I’ve learned here on the Bee.
@JM1217: I don’t really think it had to do with being hurt. I speak to her about once year and there’s definitely a reason for that. She’s not the most pleasant person. Formal announcements are not something that’s standard in my family. As an example, my Uncle got engaged a few months ago and I was just told yesterday. They apparently did the same as I and just casually announced it. I’m fairly close to my Uncle and I’m not offended. Even if she were offended, I don’t see that as an excuse to try to make me feel crappy.
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: Thank you. I have a very large extended family and things do tend to become gossipy and twisted around. You’re right in that almost no one has called to congratulate. Most of the calls I’ve got were “Why didn’t you tell me?!” Well, I did. I posted it on Facebook, I’ve showed off my ring to anyone that will stand to look at it, I’ve gushed about Fiance to anyone who will listen. If you really want to know what’s going on in my life, call me more than once every two years.
@vampywolfgirl: Thanks so much. The age difference was a huge point of contention at first. It took a while, but my family did eventually warm up to my Fiance. I’m so sorry that your friend’s husband’s friends couldn’t bother to see past a number and get to know her. I was afraid that would happen with my family, but I finally hit a breaking point and said that they could either be part of my life and respect my decisions or they could bow out gracefully. They chose the former.
I will say I’ve been considering buying some postcards with one of our engagement pictures from VistaPrint just to save myself this grief.
Post # 8
@Aure: HAHAHA you are in the same boat as me! I’m laughing because we chose to just use facebook and call our immediate family. Several of FI”s aunts/uncles/cousins have said that noone is excited for our wedding b/c we didnt ‘announce it properly’. Between the two of us, we joke about our ‘fake’ and ‘invisible’ engagement. psh. People ARE SO RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!
Post # 9
@soyjoy222: Wow! I’m laughing too now, I’m glad you posted, it honestly makes me feel better that I’m not the only one with a crazy family!
Post # 10
Oh gosh, I am so sorry to hear that! May I ask your age? I’m not trying to say that in any way anybody (especially your family) should try to take the joy away from this awesome time, but I wonder if that is part of their reservation.
My mom was slow to warm up to my engagement. In fact, even know (over a year later, and 2 weeks to the wedding) she acts flippant about it at times. Maybe some people just handle big events strangely??
Either way, congratulations on your engagement!!! I hope you can enjoy the rest of it 🙂
Post # 11
@travelerkate: I am 22. My Fiance is just turned 33 (I’ll be turning 23 in about two months so the gap is just about 10 years). Not to say it wasn’t a struggle at first, but we’ve moved past our ages being an issue. I think this was my aunt being petty, unfortunately. And thank you.