- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
I know it won’t change anything but I still needed to vent a little.
I am hearing that my best friend of 25 years is probably not coming to my wedding. I shouldn’t be surprised because her behavior has been erratic and self centered and pretty awful for much of the past 3 years or so, but I still have this idea of her in my mind as she USED to be and so I am saddened, I can’t let go of the “old” her.
Basically she has had something of an extended “mid life crisis”, you could say. She left her husband and her children to be with a guy she met online who is almost 20 years younger than she is. Leaving her husband, well, I didn’t really blame her (I’ve known HIM too since I was 16)… but the children suffered a great deal.
They have started to repair their relationship somewhat but she is still no longer someone you can count on, when she was always THE “rock” and someone who was very loyal and dependable. Her daughter confides in me a fair amount these days (she’s an adult now)… because half the time her mom is in another state with her boyfriend and doesn’t answer the phone when she is there!
Anyway, I just heard from her daughter (who is like a daughter to me, and best friends with my 18 year old son) that she (my friend) is saying that she probably won’t make the wedding. Her daughter and her son (14, friends with my 13 year old since they were babies) are managine to come but their mom, probably not.
I know all about judging people’s financial situations, and I normally would not second guess anyone one bit but I KNOW her and I know that she flies to and from her boyfriend’s (out of state) numerous times each year. She manages to talk her father into paying for this. She’s a full time student, and she’s known about the wedding since the beginning. She even said she’d make the wedding cake (she does cakes on a semi-professional, but very part time basis)… good thing I booked another, knowing how she is these days! Five years ago I never would have doubted her word for a split second.
She talks her Dad into paying for a lot of things, I know if she really wanted to be there she’d manage. Hell, her 19 year old daughter (alslo a full time student) managed to come up with plane fare and has been working on it since we announced where and when the wedding would be!
I just know that if she wanted to get on a plane to see her Boyfriend or Best Friend she would find a way and I am sad that the wedding is not a priority for her.
This is the same woman who was there for the birth of my second son and who my kids grew up thinking of as an Aunt or “other mom”, which is why it’s so disappointing.
I know I have posted about her here before but I did sincerely believe she’d make it to the wedding, she indicated she would be there, I really wanted to believe her, so yeah, I am bummed.
I was the Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding back in 1990! We met in 8th grade! Every time she and her (now ex) had a fight, it was my house she came to to stay for days. When they split up and he physically attacked her, she came to me and stayed here for weeks. When she was behaving in a crazy way and I was really upset by how she was seeming to abandon her kids in the process of leaving her husband (not fighting to have them with her as I’d have expected), I tried very very hard to see it from her side and be understanding and all that.
I know people just change, and I have to accept that she has become someone I no longer can consider a “true” friend, but damn.