Weddingbee boards

Hello anyone who happens to read this... I am not a new member, but I felt the need to create a new account for various reasons after being gone for so long... here I am. And if you decide you're going to reply, please make sure you read the whole thing, or at least the italics at the bottom. Thanks!

I'm not going to ask for advice, because I know none of you know me, my SO, or my situation, so that would be ridiculous... I just need to talk, and I've already conversed with the few people who are close to me.

I am so lost right now... I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, and it's been there long enough that I barely notice it anymore.

A few weeks ago, my SO got off work. Normally, he would come over to my place, because he'd been living with me for part of the week. This time, it was a friday, so he went back to his place and called me on skype video instead. It seemed like something was off, so I asked him what was wrong... and he started crying. Long story short--he felt almost no emotions. Including love. I've experienced something similar, so I eventually managed to calm him down and reassure him. Over the next few days, he rested, and recovered most of his emotional capacity...

Except love. He tried ignoring the lack, he tried focusing on everything that he should be feeling... nothing worked. He was incredibly upset about this... to the point that he could barely even look at me because it hurt too much, the reminder that it was suddenly gone.

Flash forward a bit... it's been about a week now since this next part... I'm upset, because he's been avoiding me (to lessen the pain on his end, which is completely understandable), and I want to talk to him. I convince him to come over and... well... He says he can't bear to be around me because it hurts too much to look at me and not feel what was there.

I don't know what to do. He is the one. We are the perfect match for each other, soul-mates, whatever you want to call it. We don't know what happened... somehow, he went to sleep whispering my name into his pillow (as he said, and I believe it), and woke up feeling nothing. Something went horribly wrong, and it doesn't make any sense. I know you can fall out of love, but it doesn't just happen like that.

I'm terrified. I know that life goes on, but... what am I supposed to do? So far I've come up with a few possibilities as to why his love might have suddenly vanished like that. (subconscious fear, etc.) I'm going to leave him completely alone for a bit... I've already decided I'm going to do something special for him around valentines day (he's kind of a romantic) and I hope that will spark it back up or something. I know he wants it back desperately too.

I'm being silly right now. I'm wishing every time I see 11:11, when I step on all the white lines at crosswalks, when I blow on a moon dandelion, every little childish thing. I cried a lot the first 3 days, (mostly over the idea that I'd just lost my future) but I'm really glad that almost every time something reminds me of him, I feel happy instead of sad... even if it is a strange kind of happy. I still tear up when I'm alone, which is a healthy thing, but lucky me, I seem to have gotten the strong mental fortitude of 3 extra people. It's almost like I'm pretending that he got drafted, but he'll eventually come back, though there is the small chance he could be killed, he'll come back.

I have this underlying feeling... I KNOW this will all turn around, and I'll get him back... I hope I'm not wrong, this is all so complicated.. Neither of us did anything wrong, so it's a complete mystery as to why everything changed in less than 24 hours... it just doesn't make sense. I really want to see him or hear his voice, but I'm going to wait patiently... I don't want to mess anything up and hurt him.

I must seem delusional to some of you ladies... I thought I might be, but I got an overwhelming response of reassurance that I'm definitely not, from a variety of sources, so I'm going to stick with that. This really just is that bizarre. And it sucks.

I think I'm done talking for now, I should really get some rest. I have a busy day tomorrow.

Please don't leave me any comments along the lines of "there will be someone else for you," or "he's probably lying to you," etc. I know you probably mean well, but as I said before, I'm not asking for advice because none of you lovely ladies actually know me, and this is an especially abnormal situation. And if, somehow, you were in a similar situation, and it didn't work out--please please please don't tell me. I've seen so many couples get back together, that I think it fair that something like this is completely feasible that it swings around.

And please don't think I'm trying to be nasty by requesting this... I just really would rather not hear stuff like that... (and it saves you the trouble of typing out a comment!) I would not post this, but it wouldn't give me the same kind of "got that out" feeling if I didn't. It's stupid, I know. I've been handling everything so calmly, rationally, logically, that I feel it would be wise of me to do some "stupid" stuff, like this.

@mwitter80:  Oh, I definitely am. I'm not about to mess up something by being too pushy. I'm sure he's wondering why I haven't even tried to contact him.

@mkathleenwhite:  I certainly will. Hopefully it won't be too long till I can give a positive update!

@foolsthatdream:  No, he's a very optimistic person... which is why I was surprised when he made it seem so hopeless... (he tends be a bit dramatic, though, just a small part of why I love him.) I did recommend counseling, but I think we're both afraid of not being taken seriously, or not being understood properly...

@cant.wait.to.be.mrs.d:  Thanks. I just wish I could support him in person, but he says it's too painful right now... He asked me to forgive him so many times that he had to avoid me. I don't mind even a little bit, if it will help him.

@MrsBroccoli:  Wouldn't it then also be selfish of me to not respect his wishes? I'm giving him time... I'm not going to be a scary stalker lady. In a few weeks, I am going to find him and give him something, and then leave again. Give him some more time with no contact, unless he comes after me, and then I'll talk to him occasionally after that.

@MsMonkey:  Thank you! It is rather soul-crushing... but I'm not going to let it affect my everyday life. Letting myself be overcome with hopeless depression is the last thing that he would want, and I agree. So here I am, being cheerful... albeit in the occasional cynical manner, but it still counts, right?

@lunathea:  If I kept my chin up any higher I'd be looking behind me. Thanks!

@eloping:  Nope. No depression. (Well, he's feeling depressed now, but that's an effect of this, not a cause.) And he says he didn't feel trapped. He wants to be with me, he wants to feel love. And he's VERY upset that he doesn't. And yeah, my typing tends to reflect pretty accurately how I am. (Not always a good thing.)

@eloping:  Thank you, for thinking about that... it didn't seem too similar to me, since you mentioned the trapped aspect, but I appreciate the gesture.

@eloping:  That's certainly true! I'll suggest the counseling/doctor thing in a few more weeks. Whatever is going on, has to be subconscious or out of his control. I'm not going to give up easily, not when we both want this to work.

@Wonderstruck:  I'll insist on that if my valentine's day plan doesn't work, then. I'm not very familiar with counseling, but if they really won't try to give (potentially bad) advice... then why not? I'm willing to try anything/everything. I just need him to go along with it, that's the hard part.

@tksjewelry:  Thanks tks, I appreciate it! I don't think I've ever been offered happy dust before.

@MrsBroccoli:  Sorry. The first time was an accident, the second time you posted I was trying to reply to a bunch of other people, and then I signed off and haven't been on till just now. I'm having a very stressful, busy month, so my apologies if you thought I was ignoring you. And to answer your question, no, we've been together for more than 5 months. (Though I would prefer you don't judge based on amount of time--eg, my parents were married within 3 months of meeting each other, and they are still very happily together. I'm not sure if you were getting to that, but I've had experience with people being judgemental with everything they possibly can, and it really gets to me...) I apologize for being snippy.

@HappierKate:  Thank you for sharing! I'm glad it worked out so well for you! I kind of wish I was a stress eater, because I really could use the weight gain... but sadly, I have the opposite problem. It's been so hard for me to force myself to eat, because I'm afraid i'll throw up. And it's especially reassuring, that you seem to have a very similar experience, because I know what the honeymoon feeling going away is like, but this seems like a step further... and there's no information that I can find on the internet that seems to apply to it. It went poof overnight. Bizarre. But I'm convinced we'll get through this. My standards were already stupidly high, and he surpassed them by an insane amount. Ruined for life, in a good way.

@mmsva:  Depression is a funny thing, isn't it?

@Sparkidoodle:  Yeah... I'm definitely going for counseling for at least myself... I hope I can convince him to go as well...

Thank you all for your support... you are coming through for me even better than I remembered. I will hopefully be posting an update shortly after Valentine's day. I am going to try a stab at being romantic, to see if that does anything. I'm a little sad that I won't be there to see his reaction... I'm too scared to stick around... I'm just going to give him my gift and run for the hills. Yikes!

@MissTX:  Thank you--I'm sorry that my post made you cry... my mum also cries when she feels close to someone and shares their pain, or went through a similar experience. I'm glad to hear it worked out for you.

@Candace From BC:  I'm not crossing depression off the list, it just seems odd, because he lost his grandfather (whom he incredibly close to) a few years ago, and his depression from that manifested very differently than this. I'm not counting it out though.