Just a workplace vent

posted 2 years ago in Career
Post # 2
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

If I called out my boss angrily in a public setting, I’d definitely apologize.  I know you’re irritated, but it sounds like your co-worker is just trying to set you up for success and help you.  Rather than be upset with her, review the conversation you had with her and see if there is anything you could do that would make you more successful.

Post # 3
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It wasn’t really her place to talk to you about it after you already talked to your boss. I wouldn’t bring it up with him again, just drop it. Your coworker is making it more than it needs to be. Yeah being polite is great and all, but you don’t need tips on how to “make your life easier there”. It’s not that serious and I totally get why his comment annoyed you in the first place. Oddly enough I’ve never heard anyone say that to a man.

Post # 4
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

gingerkitten:  I get that this is a vent and you may not be looking for advice but your co-worker is right. You should apologize. And my guess is, you boss feels slighted that you didnt. Even if you want it to die, its probably going to die a slow death because you publicly shared you feelings and now everyone wants to know what’s what and whether it was resolved. I know that being the youngest in an office setting can be really frustrating (I am too) but i think it may be in you best interest to suck it up and put your pride aside and say an actually “Im sorry.” Im sure his narrative when ppl ask what happened will go from, we talked about and it and she said x y z to We talked about it, she apologized and its done with.

Post # 6
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Coming from the other side of the equation here, if I had a direct report snap at me in a questionable fashion in front of others, rest assured we’d have a non-negotiable closed door meeting about it. Not only does acting in that fashion diminish your own workplace credibility, it also damages your manager’s reputation and puts them in an awkward position. It’s not cool. Not cool for them to act badly nor for you to act badly in return.

Seems to me like you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Your colleague seemed to want to help you with some advice. Did you take it wrong because you are on edge and already aggravated? Perhaps. I say, for work matters, if you need your job and nothing TERRIBLY inappropriate was said, apologize. Just be the bigger person and apologize. Yeah, it sucks but do it. Be it your boss, coworkers, etc. As a manager, I apologize to my direct reports if I screw up. I expect the same from them. We are all human – it’s ok.

All this being said, if someone crossed the line and did say something offensive or against policy/law, go to HR.

Post # 7
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

I believe your coworker saw the attitude that we see here — you don’t regret snapping at your boss, in fact, you have multiple reasons to defend it. Work can be stressful, and there will always be times you want to say something inappropriate or angry. The key is to have the self-control to not do it.

When you do slip up, it’s important to quickly move into rescue mode. By not apologizing and by acting as though being rude was no big deal, you could have permanently changed how your coworkers and your boss view you, and changed your working relationships. Whether or not this seems fair is irrelevant.

I would suggest apologizing to your boss casually. Just a quick “Hey [boss], I’m sorry that I snapped at you the other day, I wasn’t feeling myself. What’s on the plate for today?”. A little can go a long way.

Post # 8
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

A boss telling an employee to smile is pejorative, exactly like you’re speaking to a child, particularly a little girl.  That’s not an appropriate thing for a boss to say to a young female employee.

That being said, your response was unprofessional.  A straight faced, stern stare at your boss would probably have more appropriately conveyed your feelings.  Worst case, a private conversation would be in order.

As for your meddling co-worker, I think you were wrong to allow her to lecture you.  You’re a smart person, clearly you were able to assess on your own that your outburst was inappropriate and clearly you knew that your boss had already apologized and that you had already explained to him that you didn’t feel the comment was appropriate.  The end. 

Time to move forward.

Post # 9
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’m all for being professional and polite, but I don’t think what you said was really that bad.  Yes, the public setting was unfortunate.  However, I think it’s a good thing that you let him know it’s not okay to continue to badger women to smile around him instead of keeping your mouth shut and waiting until he very likely said it again.  It appears he is now fine with the situation, so all is good.

The coworker was way out of line lecturing you for it.  I would just try my hardest to ignore her.

Edited to add: HE probably feels worse about it than you do.  That’s why he apologized. I doubt he was really fishing for an apology.  Imagine all the women he’s told over the years to smile, and now he knows that’s belittling and inappropriate.  

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Lavender28.
Post # 10
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

winstonchurchill:  I agree.

 

You sound combative here, you snapped at your boss and if your post here is any indication– seems like you probably acted a little hostile towards your co-worker. Whether or not what your boss said was stupid or irritating, people in the meeting won’t remember what he said, they will remember how you reacted. If you want to be painted as the office pain in the ass, go ahead- but I would just pick my battles moving foward.

Post # 11
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

Also to add, getting up in a meeting in front of a office full of people first thing in AM on Monday when they are looking at you like they want to rip your head off and eat your brains for making them come to work isn’t always an easy situation. So what (?), he asked her smile… maybe he was breaking the ice or just trying to liven up the group a little. I don’t see it as inappropriate at all.

Post # 13
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you already talked to your boss about it, you don’t need to do it again. <br /><br />As for your co-worker, I would personally talk to her about how you appreciate that she was trying to be helpful, but that her actions upset you. She’ll just do it again in the future if you don’t nip this in the bud, now. 

Post # 15
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Another conversation about this would just drag things on. I would say assess how he’s reacting to you the next time you see him and then decide whether he’s upset and you need to apologize with another talk. Otherwise, he would probably prefer to just move on.

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