Just an etiquette question out of curiosity!

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

not strange at all.  Invites don’t usually go out until about 2 months before hand and STDs aren’t given to EVERYONE.

If in the end, you are invited to the shower and not the wedding, it’s definitely a faux pas but I wouldn’t get too bent out of shape at this point.

Post # 3
6449 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

KhaleesiStormborn:  not strange at all. STDs are fairly new and not everyone does them. I’m guessing they chose not to send them or didn’t send one to you because they already verbally let you know that you are invited. Invites don’t typically go out until about two months before the wedding so it’s not strange that you haven’t received that either.

Post # 4
588 posts
Busy bee

If the wedding is more than 6-8 weeks away, it’s not strange at all. I didn’t do STDs – I’ve only received them for one wedding I’ve attended. The others all used word of mouth to confirm that the date was booked off. You’ve already been told to hold the date, so a mailed STD is a waste of money. I’m sure the invitation will come.

Post # 5
760 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Gold Hill Gardens

I know it’s a terrible faux pas, but I’ve asked. A “no pressure” question . . . And as turnabout I’ve been asked, too! The ones who asked me I appreciated them asking, as somehow their invite was last in the mail! The friends I asked we’re sending their invites in a couple of days. But then again, my friends and I are laid-back type people . . . 

Post # 6
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I wouldn’t worry about the missing STDs because not everyone does them. 

I think typically you get a wedding invite first because the shower is thrown close to the wedding date and you get more notice for the wedding than the shower. But perhaps the shower is happening earlier than is typical so it makes sense to get the shower invite first. 

Also, the bride probably has no control over when the shower date was set and when the host sent invites, so she might not know she beat her to the mailbox. I know my MOH beat my invites by a few days with the shower invite and I had no idea.

In my opinion, anyone invited to the shower should be close enough to know they’re invited to the wedding. I don’t think of them as “invite all the women invited to the wedding” type events, but smaller, close knit get togethers. 

Post # 7
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

KhaleesiStormborn:  No not strange at all. My bridal shower invitations went out before my wedding invitations (in fact, I handed out my wedding invitations at my shower). We didn’t send out Save the Dates (not common in our neck of the woods/social circle). People knew about our wedding through word of mouth first before actually receiving their invitations.

Post # 8
11 posts

It’s not all that strange because its not usually the bride and groom that’s planning the bridal shower, it’s the bridesmaids. 

Post # 9
2429 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

To echo the others, it isn’t strange at all. Since invitations are sent 6-8 weeks in advance, a shower falling 9 or more weeks before the wedding would have invites going out before the formal wedding invitation. Save-the-dates are not required (although most first-time brides and grooms seem to send them!), and are a more recent trend in the last 10-20 years. When my parents married, no one sent save-the-dates. 

Post # 10
6678 posts
Bee Keeper

Save the dates aren’t really  even sanctioned  by traditional etiquette.  They are common now, of course, but it’s considered more proper to contact those closest to you personally, and not to impose so early on by way of  impersonal, mass mailed, pre-printed cards.  Guest lists can and do  change and for typical affairs  the yield rate from this group is not going to be significantly different than from invitations sent 6-8 weeks out, anyway. 

So not at all strange.  

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