(Closed) just another vent about my mom

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

does your mom live near you?  maybe you can give your mom and her “friend” alone time and you and your siblings can catch up on a movie or do some fun wedding stuff or something like that?

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

im wondering… as the male friend doesnt seem that into a relationship then maybe your mother kinda throwing herself at him more than she would have in the past with other men.  shes getting older dont forget so the pool of available menfolk is getting limited and im wondering if thats a scary thought for her

as far as setting an example for your siblings… the thought of their mum having sex might put them off the idea forever 🙂

 

Post # 5
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I feel for you!  My mom has regressed herself too and I understand exactly how you feel.

Maybe have a sit down talk with her and gently tell her she is a mother still to your younger brother and is always the mother and a role model to you both.  Tell her that your brother “heard them” and that it’s troubling.

I would not be afraid.  I would just deal with it.  It’s going to make her mad at first but when she realizes that she raised her children well and to NOT do this kind of stuff, she might change her tune or at least be a bit more subtle in her choices.

My mom got pissed off at me when I had my last heart to heart with her. But she settled down after a few days and now she’s seeming to be a bit better.  Oh well.  We’ll see.  Until then hugs to you!!!   

Post # 7
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I get that JW.  I remember almost passing out when I saw my mom (who raised me so carefully) wince when I went looking for a tylenol at her house and by instinct and as I did for the first twentysomething years of my life, reach for the tylenol instead find a bottle of VIAGRA!! 

I was like..uh uh uh uh MOM!!!!!!!  What is this?????  

Post # 8
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

LMBO bellenga!!! Viagra!!!

@JW sorry honey i was hoping that the two of you were local.  does your sister drive? maybe they could hang out at the mall. it would gross me out to hear my mom having sex.. i mean i know she does it, but thank God i don’t hear it.

Post # 10
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I just try to not judge my mom but it’s hard.  She is doing much better though.  Really trying.

She sent my son a very nice gift certificate for his birthday though.

I just hope (sigh) it is a PHASE!

Post # 11
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

Ugh, it’s so disturbing when the parents act like teenagers and the kids are the ones who are disturbed by the whole thing.  My FH’s ex wife has a lot of ‘friends’ stay over and his daughter is only 5!  So when I ask her where so and so slept, she will say, ‘in mommy’s bedroom’.  Mind you, the reason my FH divorced her is because he found out she was cheating on him and she now supposedly has a boyfriend who, it appears, she is cheating on as well.  I honestly don’t give a rats ass as to what she does, except for the fact that she is setting a REALLY bad example to my future stepdaughter who is only 5.  Not to mention that when she does have guys stay over and they actually stay in the guest room, who is to say that they’re not pedophiles?  She’s meeting these guys from her quests on World of Warcraft!  (No, I am not kidding!)

Your mom sounds like she is going through a mid life crisis and is getting really scared of being alone.  It is good that he was upfront with her and told her he doesn’t want anything, but I guess she figures that if she keeps giving him what he wants, he’ll suddenly wake up one day and realize that she is a keeper and marry her on the spot.  I feel so bad for your siblings who have to be in the middle of the whole situation.  If she could at least find something else for them to do while she goes on her weekend excursions, that would be ideal.  ASk them to go to a friends house or something for the weekend. 

Post # 12
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

No doubt about it… you are absolutely right.  You have every reason to be upset although I don’t think there is a thing you can do about it!  Well, yes there is.  You can be a good role model for your siblings.  You can show them how to have an appropriate healthy relationship.  My Dad behaved in a similar way after my Mom died when I was 13.  It was hard for me and my sisters to see him behave that way.  But we knew right from wrong even if he was a bad example. 

It isn’t unusual for people to go nuts after a divorce and do things they normally wouldn’t do.  After a divorce, you are so devestated.. it makes you crazy.  There is a book called “Crazy Time” (not sure of the author’s name) that addresses this very issue.  People kind of get wild after a divorce.  Your Mom may end up regretting her behavior in the future but for now she is coping the only way she knows how.

Try to be patient and supportive of her.  Tell her you know the divorce was really hard and tell her you want her to be happy but don’t want to see her hurt.  In the meantime, be a good big sister.  It sounds like you already are doing that!

My best wishes,

Francie Elaine

 

Post # 14
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Eeeek, that isn’t fun! I’m so sorry to hear about that. You’re right- she really needs to be setting an example for your brother & sister and she isn’t doing that. It does seem like she is afraid of being alone. If she is giving herself to someone who has been upfront & said they don’t want a relationship, perhaps she is trying to get him to be in a relationship with her. Or perhaps her activities make her feel like she is in a relationship, despite what he says.

The best thing you can do is be there for you brother and sister. It is an awkward age for both of them & talking to them about their feelings might help them through this.

Post # 15
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

I don’t even know what to say except that I feel for you and your family.  Our mothers sound so much alike and I never learned how to deal with her.  Sounds to me like you are a very strong person and a great sister too.

I do just want to say that I really feel for you and your siblings when I read your posts.  My heart goes out to you.

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