Post # 1
I feel selfish for even writing this post, BUT, does anyone else resent they’re bf when they spend significant amounts of money, or even TALK about spending significant amounts of money? It’s not that I want an expensive ring, quite the opposite, I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable walking around wearing really expensive jewelry. I’d constantly worry about it, or be afraid I’d some how forget it somewhere, $3,000 engagement ring, is just not me. I just want him to be thinking about marriage and not vacations. wtf 4 and a half years and you’re more concerned with taking a vacation over the summer? We also recently bought a house and there are things that need to be done for our house, I don’t get frustrated when he spends money on that, but there will always be something to do for our house to make it better, that’s just part of owning a house. I’m afraid he’ll just continue to put his money towards the house and not make any attempt to marry me.
On another note, another close friend got engaged last week…
Post # 3
yeppers it definitely bothered me as well when i was waiting. sigh…. does he have any idea how you feel etc?
Post # 4
We have talked about marriage in the past. I told him last summer that I would like to get engaged and wanted a long enagement, but I haven’t brought it up since. Don’t want to pressure him, so I’m stuck venting on wedding bee
Post # 5
I know how frustrating it can be. I’m so proud of you for not bringing it up all the time though! I think you should set a mental time limit before talking to him about it, you two do own a house together and that requires some responsibility. Not sure if you have seen Mr. Bee’s post on waiting or not but he mentions that on there about having your own little time limit.
Plus is he taking you on these trips? He could be planning a little romantic getaway or something.
Post # 6
Sucks. I know how you feel. Last year on our vacation i REALLY enjoyed it but i was also thinking… wow, why am i not engaged and on this honeymoon?? It makes you not enjoy things as much… I just wanted to let you know, i know how you feel and i have been there and it is NOT fun!!!
Post # 7
Lilybee this is exactly how we decided to set a date. He wanted to use the cash we got for Christmas for a camera and since we own a home and have all shared finances, I basically said, I don’t think we should make any purchases over x amount of money until there is a ring on my hand. He agreed. So we set a date. Hopefully the ring will be here soon.
Post # 8
I completely understand… I feel the same way. in the last 2 months, my BF spent $700 on a tv and $500 on a treadmil (which he doesnt use by the way).
Post # 9
Ahh! I’m in the same position! Just a few weeks ago my BF was talking about going ring shopping when he gets his tax return. Then a few days ago he told me that him and a bunch of his friends are going to rent a cabin down south for a week! He also said he wants to get some things at Bass Pro shop, which he usually spends well over $300 when he goes there. Why do guys do this to us!?
Post # 10
I bite my tongue, mostly because I know my ring is coming out of a CD that just matured.
Post # 11
Check out Mr. Bee’s post recently on the waiting board. It helps to see how a guy thinks.
I also think that nagging is not good. But what you do need to do is find out if you both are on the same life course. Does he want marriage? Where are you going as a couple? I don’t see having a short, friendly talk about it as a problem to ensure you’re both on the same path. I’d have the talk and then drop it.
Post # 12
@thenubian I remember you telling us about the tredmill…I can’t wait to see your proposal story tho! 🙂 🙂
and @Lilybee I second the advice @belle gave about reading @mrbees advice…gotta love a guys insight!
Post # 13
Lilybee, I mostly agree with what others have said above, but there’s something else in your post that made me sit up and take notice
“On another note, another close friend got engaged last week…”
I used to do this all the time. I still do it mentally now, but then I catch myself at it and stop. Its that running tally of how many of your friends have been proposed to, how long THEY had been dating, how soon THEIR marriages are… don’t do it. Its like mentally torturing yourself, keeping track of all these other people on their way to being settled and getting more and more frustrated – WHY can’t it be ME???
Best thing would be to point out the cost factor but not in relation to the ring or marriage… don’t link his spending with “Oh you aren’t saving up for the marriage”. Talk to him about the house, and whether xyz repairs now are entirely justified? Maybe you could have a “home fund” in your registry as well?
Hugs, and I really hope he’s talking about the vacay to fake you out.
Post # 14
Thanks for all of the support ladies. I will read Mr. Bees post. I do know that he wants to get married, I think it’s more the when that we disagree on.
@Cybele – I agree it’s mentally torturing. I try not to, unfortunately two of my close friends got engaged within a month of each other, both engagements surrounding the dreaded “engagement season” But then again, we have a house while they continue to rent an apartment, so maybe I should focuss more on the pros of waiting. 🙂
Post # 15
Lilybee, thats totally true – the more focused you are on the positive, the less chance you have of the negative hurting you or making you frustrated. Sometimes all you need an inner mantra to repeat to yourself at these times listing how much you have going compared to them. Remember the grass is always greener…
Post # 16
Ugh! Men are stupid sometimes! haha My bf has done the same thing… He keeps saying he wants to get a flat screen tv and a new car this summer. My little 4,000$ e-ring is nothing compared to the cost of a new car! I am totally feeling your frustration!!! They will finally come to their senses I’m sure!