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Grrrrrr! Wow is all I can say. I feel really awful feeling this way b/c I really adore this couple (groom is close friend of FI). The couple I consider to be smart, mature, wise ppl (early 30s).
So imagine my dismay which led to anger at how this couple treated the invited 200+ guests. Ill spare you the minute details which didn't matter much- decor, dreary music selections, poorly lit ceremony, etc.
Wedding Day- a Friday. No biggie really to me but I'm sure there were many who either took day off from work or left work early to fight rush hour traffic to get to this wedding that started at 630p. So for this, I hoped that it would a great occasion and all worth it. Sadly, I'm disappointed that it wasn't.
What made it disappointing? Learning upon arriving that the reception was being held almost 30 mins away at another church in location where you had to travel via back winding, dark roads; arriving at a church which appeared closed but the janitor let everyone in to a hot gym for festivities. STANDING ONLY reception!! Table and seats were for bridal party, immediate fam and the happy couple only. Oh my red swollen feet. I dressed up for the occassion as did most of others only to stand for hours. No DJ, no dancing, just standing.
So after standing in line to get appetizers- cold cuts, cheese and cold biscuts to be picked up by hand, I was beyond words when the punch ran out and then realizing there were no attendants!! I mean c'mon, it was hot and there was no air conditioning to be felt. Maybe bc the church was technically closed and the air could not be turned on? I don't know. I jus know I was hot- literally and figuratively!
So as I tried to balance my purse, cheese and biscuit, camera and disappointment while standing, we were treated to a video of the couple answering questions about ea other. Honestly, I could have enjoyed this or at least tried to had my feet not been howling so loud, but I just could not believe this couple thought it would be a treat for us to enjoy while standing for hrs in a hot gym.
The embarassing part- about 170 ppl scattering out the door once they realized they were no seats, tables, A/C, real food to be served. I couldn't bring myself to dart out or take my shoes off bc I saw it to b rude. But man o man, I was close. I eventually found a back staircase to rest my tootsies on and gave FI 10 mins to share our congrats with the couple before he was left to find a ride home! I was tooo through!
Needless to say, with less than 3 months to go for my own wedding, I will be focused more than ever on my guests comfort in mind, of course within reason. I've never felt so offended as a guest.
Forgive me everyone for saying this, but as I wanted to cry for my mommy bc my feet, all I could think was "I should take my darn gift back!".
WOW. I cannot imagine a reception like that!!! How in the world did they decide to do away with seating for their guests?! Crazy.
wow. yeah, that wasn't very considerate at all! Even from someone who wears heels frequently and very comfortably, that would've grated on my nerves!!! Ugh... I can imagine what the heat was like... I do not blame you one bit for being angry or for your vamped up desire to make sure your guests are far more comfy than you were!!!
I'm baffled as to why they wouldn't at least have seats. Maybe they cut out the rental for that to have something else??? It didn't get set up in time?? I'm at a loss.
so, soooo sorry you had to endure such misery! painful feet is something I can sympathize with greatly. (mine spasm horribly every so often to the point where I just want them cut off... even otc meds like ibprophen and tylenol don't help sometimes so I can completely sympathize and empathize with that misery!!)
Exactly my point. Why invite so many ppl? Why not invite a smaller group and accomodate accordingly? They are not even the outgoing type of couple that you would imagine would invite so ppl. They are the type to have a small event- 50-75 ppl at most. So many questions I'm sure I won't ever get answered and of course they are not for me to ask
As long as they were happy on their day.
There's often a lot of unfair judging at weddings - choices that guests would not have made if they were in the same position. However, not providing guests with the necessities of comfort - something to drink and a place to sit - is just poor hosting. Shame on them.
Ouch, sounds pretty rough. I don't mind weddings on a lower budget, but please just provide your guests a chair!
I agree with some of the other posters. Not providing your guests with basic necessities like seating and beverages (be that whatever you decide to serve) is fairly rude. Who wants to stand for hours in heels?
We provided comfortable shoes (a choice of flip flops or cotton Mary Janes) for guests to wear at our wedding (e.g., while dancing), even though we also made sure there was at least one chair per guest. In this couple's situation, they clearly understood the importance of being able to get off their feet, since they provided that for themselves, their wedding party, and their immediate families. So why wouldn't they notice their guests would also need it?
@Ryna- I think they got the recption site free of cost because a relative is a Deconess at the church or something to that effect. I personally think the gym could not have accomodated seating fo so many ppl. So why invite so many?? Gifts? I mean they spent very little $ of the wedding it seemed. No music, food, decor,no flowers, no anything. And I believe in budgeting and cost cutting, but come on- you invited 200+ ppl!! I get saving $ by marrying on Friday. I even get saving $ by having an appetizer recption. But to have guests drive 30 mins away jus to stand for hours and enjoy cold (rm temp) cuts????
Lesson: Do not invite America to your wedding if you are not able to host. Simply put. So unfair to guests who made arrangements to attend.
@hissoon2be: well, so much for that idea! Maybe it all went into the wedding gown or engagement/wedding bands/rings?
regardless, if they wanted that many people, I totally agree they should've had a larger venue with seats!
I don't think I would've had it in me to stay. That's not how you treat your friends. Especially when my feet began to ache!
kudos to you for braving it out as long as you did!
Wow! That's really messed up! I can't believe that they only provided seats for certain people, ran out of punch, and had no air!
Wait, is it possible that this was not what they planned? Did music person flake out and not show? Were they told the AC would be on but it wasn't?
@evalague- I don't think so. They had a video filmed and prepared to share and they had monitors set up. So I'm pretty sure there was no DJ or music intended for the wedding.
Also, there was no confusion or hint at anything being off. I am certainly sure things went according to what the couple planned for the evening. It just wasn't thoughtful towards guests.
Sinfully thinking of having this couple stand the entire time at our reception. Hmph!! See how they like it.
As you can tell, I'm still pretty miffed about last nights affair. I woke up with feet throbbing still! I don't mean to be a jerk about this, but this just no way to treat friends and family (well those unlucky ones who didn't score a coveted chair).
Wow, that's awful! It's one thing to not have flowers or decor or whatever, but no seating or drinks? That's just rude. The least they could have done is informed people that they should wear comfy shoes since there wouldn't be seating.
yeah, that is bad. For my ceremony, the venue said that chairs aren't really necessary since it isn't very long (a cost cutting suggestion), but there was just no way I wanted to make my guests stand outside on the grass for 15-20mins. It's actually the biggest reason I was afraid of it raining because the backup plan was for everyone to stand inside at our venue. I cannot IMAGINE making people do that for the entire reception. I definitely would have invited way less people (and I did! lol)
Shame on them is right, you can't always provide the best of everything but a seat and some hydration would have been a minimum.
Here's the kicker- the wedding favors were mini bottles of water with a label with their faces on it. Annd we couldn't have them until we were exiting. They had a family member guarding them as the guests were clamoring for something, anything to drink. And you guessed it- yep, they were not cold!
Wow! That's something. We did away with a lot of seating but we made sure there where some comfy sofas and armchairs in the two other main rooms for guests to rest if they wanted.
@hissoon2be: Wow....the favors were mini bottles of water and they wouldn't let you have them early? That's INSANE!
My condolences to your poor feet! That is simply appalling. There is absolutely NO excuse for rudeness on this level. You just shouldn't have guests if you can't accommodate them in a minimally acceptable fashion. Sometimes things go wrong that are outside of people's control, but this just sounds like complete thoughtlessness and poor planning. The withholding of the water bottles when the punch ran out ... that's really the cherry on top, I have to say.
I'm still shaking my head in disbelief. The average FUNERAL reception (planned in a day or two by grief-stricken individuals) I go to is head and shoulders above this wedding debacle.
Amen to that! It kinda seems the couples parents should have said something about the situation. Could it be a case of I want your gift and then you can go home?We don't want to spend any money on you, we want to make money at our wedding........ Is that too harsh??? @Scribbles:
well the combination of "no real food" and no seats tells me it was meant to be a cocktail reception then, in which case I dont think they expect you to stay that long.. i've helped people put together quite a few weddings, n sometimes people cant decide whether they should keep it cheap so they can invite more ppl, or make it pricey and have to cut down the guest list..
@bells: Right, but, there were no cocktails to be had, much less adequate beverages of any kind!! Save for the water bottles held hostage until you gave your gift and exited, lol!! How horrible.
Did anyone see the episode of TLC's "Four Weddings" in which one of the brides said she didn't care about the food at her reception? The couple ordered in stacks upon stacks of pizza for the reception. Didn't even have the pizza taken out of the boxes. They did in fact, splurge on getting a merry-go-round because they thought that their guests would really enjoy it. It was hilarious in a really bad way.
I've been to some nice cocktail receptions that haven't technically had enough seats for all of the guests, but they have provided at least some seating and plenty of cocktail tables for everyone. This has seemed to work just fine, however it would bother me if only the bridal party was seated/had the opportunity to sit. This just seems strange and poorly planned. I'm sorry you had to attend this reception.
Looks like this is an old post (though I'm just reading it) - is there an update on how your friendship with these folks has been? You said you were close, it must be frustrating to keep your mouth shut about how miserable you were, but you don't want to lose the friendship!
I don't know why some ppl have the "It is my big day it doesn't matter what the guests think" mentality! Ppl need to remember they are hosting an event and have to be a good host.
I went to a Friday wedding that started at 4PM. DH was unable to get time off of work so driving there in rush hour was awful! Plus he was so tired from working the whole week. They didn't have air conditioning! We were starving but the couple took pics for an hour after the ceremony so the buffet didn't even open until 7PM then we had to wait for ever to even get into the line.
It is nice to learn from other couples wedding mistakes though so we can make our weddings that much better.
@LittlestBirds: Ok, so to update: yes, we invited said couple to our wedding. no, i did not conveniently omit their names from the seating chart (although I really wanted to!) and I was genuinely excited to see them at the reception. I was glad they came actually........UNTIL...... we received their gift.
wait for it....
oh, you wont believe it......
THEY FREAKING RE-GIFTED US A CHEESY VASE THEY CLEARLY GOT AT THEIR WEDDING!!! How do I know? Oh, let's see... they forgot to take the Congrats Mr. & Mrs. TheirName card out of the box!!!!
We recently got an invite for the wife's surprise bday party... DECLINED WITH MUCH MUCH PLEASURE!
There is a level of cost cutting and budgeting that all of us as brides/couples want to take advantage of but seriously, some things cannot be toyed around with. FI and I are having a wedding of 40 or 50 guests bc we don't want to this huge wedding budget. We can do more for those immediate family members and best friends than we can for **200** guests. Wow. I know the focus should be on the marriage and not the wedding but that's alot of discomfort to look over anything.
Congrats on your recent wedding.
they forgot to take the Congrats Mr. & Mrs. TheirName card out of the box!!!!
if it was me i would be emailing them (so its in writing) and saying we opened your thoughtful gift and found the Mrs & Mrs Theirname card - obviously there has been a mix up and would you like me to mail the gift and card back to you??
it would be worth paying for the postage just to let them know that they were busted big time
:)
wow. That's all I can say. Wow. I would cut my guest list before inviting more people that the budget could handle.
What's even worse is the wife bragga a lot about how she saved sooooo much on her wedding and got so many gifts ($) at her wedding that they are now ready to put dwn a dwn payment for a new home. Slap in face!!!
On second thought, maybe ill go to the surprise party and have a few servings of cake and NOT bring a gift! How about that!
But it'd b my guess there will b no cake. Womp womp wommmmmmp....
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