(Closed) just back from honeymoon and overwhelmed

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh, honey, big hugs! I was super overwhelmed when we got back, too! I had like 8 people staying at MY HOUSE that week. It was a disaster and I wanted to scream. Instead, we took a day and tackled it. Piled up gifts in one place and cleaned around them. Then we started putting gifts away. We threw out the old pans and replaced with the new. Anythng for ‘entertaining’ like punch bowls, went downstairs. Thank you’s can wait a little bit–i got mine out around the 9 week mark. So seriously you don’t have to do them right this very second. Have you considered taking a day or two off work now that you’re back? We had 4th of july weekend and i think it saved my sanity. do one room at a time. Make a list. Then divvy it up and just work on it. Sometimes it FEELS overwhelming, but when you put it down, you determine its feasibility and can come up with a game plan.

Coming from someone who has been sleeping with her guy for 4 years, yes, pain is normal sometimes, for me. BUT, i have endometriosis (inflammation and extra tissue down there). If we do it regularly, it gets sooo much better. I feel like i need to be broken in sometimes. But, when we go weeks without seeing each other (we just went 5 week and i saw him last night), it does hurt more and takes some getting used to again. I wasn’t super duper comfortable. But I imagine i will be tonight or tomorrow, ya know? “A few times” probably isn’t enough for your body to stretch out. By painful, do you mean it burns? B/c once i had some serious burning and it ended up being a yeast infection. ICKY! I had NO idea I had it. Chances are you just need time to, well, stretch out a little. It may help if you orgasm BEFORE penetration. Makes a big difference I think. And, fo course, relaxing. Not always an easy task. My doc said it’s perfectly ok to down some wine before we have sex. Yes, I’ve met with my doctor about this, lol. But yeah, painful sex is very stressful, trust me. DH is understanding, but it does ruin the moment sometimes. There’s no sexy talk, it’s all “ok…go slow…okay…” haha. Taking ibuprofen for a week prior helps tremendously–my doc said it takes about a week to decrease all that inflammation. Lots of things come into effect–if you wore tampons, ride a bike a lot, are athletic (i hear these things help you adjust to him), what kind of lube you use (silicone based is extra slick and stays around, while water based gets absorbed), so give it some more time. If it feels like more than just that you’re too tight, see a doctor. You could have a tilted vagina or lots of other things that could make it uncomfortable for you. Even a condom could be cause irritation (i find them incredibly irritation personally). So i guess my advice is just keep trying. Feel free to PM me if you have more intimate questions. I have no filter and nothing really bugs me about this! It’s life =]

Post # 4
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

oh my gosh let me tell you… it took me MONTHS of having sex before I got it all figured out. (TMI ALERT) It hurt, it felt like I had to pee while we were doing it, it was just generally uncomfortable. I figured out a couple of things that helped me: 1- I am allergic to spermacide! It is on a lot of condoms and using it is bad news for me 2- pee right before sex so I don’t feel that pressure 3- try different positions to see what is most comfortable for you 4- relax (the more i worried about it hurting, the more it hurt).

Lastly, just know that everyone is different. I have some friends that can have sex multiple times a day, every day, and its great. That’s not me. I get sore almost every time and I need at least 1 day in between. It’s just my anatomy, and its fine. 

Be patient. You’ll get there. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
3285 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

just take one step at a time (for everything) 

=)

glad you had a wonderful time!

Post # 6
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Congrats!  We’re still unpacking and we got back 2 weeks ago and came back to a house filled with mold!  We had let the owner know for awhile that there were leaks in the house.  What a way to come back!  But you’ll get everything done, good luck!

Post # 7
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

What kind of pain is it?  Burning?  Dryness? Or maybe like you’re too tight/he’s too big type of feeling?

I know a lot of people talk about using lube on here…I’ve personnally never needed it (sorry if that’s TMI)  When you’re talking about getting turned on…make sure you are REALLY warmed up.  It only takes guys about two seconds to get turned on, but it often takes women a lot longer.  So definitely take that into consideration.

Also, are you trying different positions?  Some positions just do not feel comfortable for women.  For example, my FI loves doggy-style, and I’ll do it for him sometimes, but it’s kind of uncomfortable for me.

Also, I agree with CorgiTales, if you’re using condoms, do NOT use the ones with the spermicide!  We used those by accident once and I had all kinds of dryness and irritation.

Anyway, I could go on and on, I’m with EJS, please feel free to PM me if you want to chat more specifically/further.

Post # 8
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Congrats! First off, you can reasonably do thank-yous within the next 3-4 weeks, so don’t stress over that right now. If I were in your position, I’d want to get settled into home, so moving and cleaning up would be at the top of my list. Can you get some help with that? Then I’m sure you’ll start to feel better about relaxing and enjoying time with your husband, sex and everything else.

Take it one step at a time and it’ll all work out. We all have a lot to take care of after the wedding.

Post # 9
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed! When we got back from our honeymoon, we had two days to finish moving out of our apartment, scrub it clean, and get on the plane to Italy. It was *not* fun. But it does end. Eventually the laundry’s done, he’s moved in, and you can both settle into married life.

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I always find that I need to clean the house or I start feeling overwhelmed. I’d suggest starting with that, and letting the thank yous wait for a while. It’s normal for those to be sent out a couple of months after the wedding.

As for the painful sex, you’ve gotten some great advice above. And I’ll chime in with the “no condoms with spermicide” brigade – I always have problems with them too. 

Post # 12
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Agree to just take it slow. If your husband now has to move in I’d say keep the cleaning till after that. Obviously you may have to get some laundry done to get through but really; pile the wedding gifts in the corner and get his stuff in. That’s going to be a disaster in intself so it would be more stressful to clean everything up just for it to get ruined again. I’d save the Thank You’s for a couple weeks. People wouldn’t be expecting them already anyway. Everything else will get easier & more pleasurable. Just keep trying different things!

Post # 13
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@GuitarGirl: I’ll PM you as not to be all TMI on this thread ;o)

Post # 14
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Whew. Even reading that makes me empathetic to your situation. Ok. Breathe. Get a cup of coffee, a glass of coke (or whatever you like), and make yourself a list. Lists help me stay more organized and less overwhelmed. Here’s a thought to get you started:

You can throw in some laundry to wash. While the washer is working, call the movers and schedule a time for them to do their thing. After your call, sit down with hubby and start writing thank you notes (together you can bang this out in no time flat). Put all of the wedding gifts on a table or in laundry baskets in a corner somewhere so they are out from under foot and all together so nothing gets lost of broken. Toss laundry in the dryer and more clothes in the washer. Take a break (eat some lunch or whatever)and do something fun. Then make a list of what needs to be done otherwise around the house and do it the same way. I always like for the machines to be working (dishwasher, washer, dryer) while I work too so no time is wasted. 🙂 I think sex should be easier when you are less overwhelmed and more relaxed.

 

Good Luck, Congrats, and Happy Life!

-Bella

Post # 15
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Give it a few weeks of regular intercourse. If it still bugs you, mention it to your OBGYN; maybe there’s something up in your vajajay. You never know! It could be angled or shallow, or he may just say “have more sex!”

Post # 16
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I know the feeling of being overwhelmed after the wedding because I am overwhelmed times 100! However, I can only imagine learning how to have sex right now- I would probably throw in the towel! Honestly, when I first started having sex it took like 30 tries to get it to “work” (and I don’t even mean until i had the big O… I just mean for it to be something that wasn’t awkward and painful!). Sex is very personal and different for everyone. Don’t let that add to your stress. Just take it slow and know that eventually you guys will get the hang of it…we all do! Don’t pressure yourself too much. Seriously, it is hard enough to enjoy sex when we’re stressed out even if we’re used to it… you must not be enjoying it at ALL! Try to focus on one thing and a time and just know that it will all get done! 

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