- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2018
Hello all, I’m not my usual chipper self lately. Poor SO has had to deal with me in this state for over a week now. It all started the Friday before last, I wasn’t feeling so great but I went out with a friend for dinner and shopping (hoping I’d feel better with a little retail therapy!) That night I kinda felt feverish as I was going to bed but I didn’t check my temp cause I was just so exhausted. I woke up at 4:30am curled up as tightly as I could get myself, shivering! I threw the blanket over my shoulders and went in search of the thermometer, 103.4! I was still too tired to do anything about it but I threw another blanket on top of me and went back to sleep for another hour and then took some advil. Around this time I noticed that I also had a cough, nothing major just mildly annoying. By 11am I was feeling more human altho my temp was 99 (and I’m normally 97) and then we got a call from my Grandmother’s Nursing Home saying that her breathing wasn’t normal and they thought we should come in (she had been put on Hospice the week before because she hadn’t been doing so well in recent months) I had the dilemma of going there and risk getting her even more sick than she was or possibly not seeing my Grandmother for the last time… ever. I debated going in with one of those masks over my nose and mouth, but when we couldn’t find one (even one of those ones my Dad uses when sanding wood) I decided to suck it up and not touch anything and wash my hands a zillion times while there. In the end I’m glad I went because even though she slept the entire time, that was the last time I saw my Grandmother alive. She passed away about 6 hours after we left. The next 3 days were a blur, we made the funeral arrangements, called the family, my Aunt came up to stay with us (and she wasn’t even related to my Grandmother… she’s my Dad’s Sister in Law and my Grandmother was my Mom’s Mom) the Wake was Monday and tons of friends and family came and then the Funeral was Tuesday, a nice small ceremony with my immediate family and SO (who risked his neck at work to be there for me) I spent the rest of the week in a daze (and still ill with the cough but the fever never returned) and then on Friday I gave our oldest cat a bath (she hadn’t been cleaning her fur well lately and I had been meaning to bathe her) and when I wrapped her up in the towel to dry her off she wheezed a bit (something that sadly had become a regular occurrence when we picked her up) and then I noticed that she had stopped wheezing but was no longer moving. I completely lost it, called my Dad up sobbing, he was on his way home from work and only 2 blocks from home at this point, when he came in he confirmed what I had suspected and we called my Mom, then went to the Vet’s office (we rent so it’s not like we could bury her in the backyard) sobbed it out there when they took her away. That night I went to a movie with a friend. Then the next day I went out with SO who did his best to cheer me up, but sadly I’m just so blah. I know there are the whole stages of grief etc but i don’t like how it compounded like that. I miss both of them, I’ve been missing my Grandmother longer tho, she had been in the Home for over 2 years, and hadn’t been the Grandma I remember from my childhood for some time now. It really puts things into perspective, and I think SO is realizing it too. I no longer have any Grandparents, SO lost his Father already, I really want us to start a family before we lose anyone else. We came up with two names for our future children one girl’s name and one boy’s name. Here’s hoping I’ll see that ring before someone else dies on me!