- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
So, I am not one of those girls that want everything to be matching in my wedding when it comes to the bridal party clothes. My bridesmaids are wearing different dresses but are black and chiffon. I did this because I hate telling someone they have to buy X dress for X money rather they like it or look good in it or not.
So for the mother's, all 4 of them, I just said the following : " I don't care where you get your dresses. The color scheme should be in the ranges of black, champagne, silver, and red. Also needs to be a floor length gown. And if you wear black PLEASE don't get all black , since A. it'll make you look like a bridesmaid, and B. I don't want too much black in my wedding.
I thought this was being reasonable. From both FMIL's I have caught serious flack. BOTH bought all black dresses, without even consulting me first. My future step mom's dress is a little less aggravating it is tea length and has 3/4 sleeves.It is more weather appropriate since we are getting married outside in 3 weeks. She is pretty heavyset and expressed how she felt huge in lighter colors and couldn't find anything but an all black dress. So I let this go.
NOW my FMIL on the other hand bought this little gem.
http://www.jcpenney.com/jcp/X6.aspx?GrpTyp=PRD&ItemID=1b7f9a7&DeptID=70656&CatID=80145&SO=0&SelDim=833%7e&CatSel=4294936938%7cevening+%2b+cocktail&NOffset=0&Ne=4294957900+29+3+8+1031+1066+18+904+833+949&x5view=1&shopperType=G&N=835+4294936938&Nao=0&PSO=0&bcCat=3&CmCatId=70656|80145
Something I don't deem appropriate for a 46 y.o. mother of the groom! And she is no petite flower she is well endowed and is 5'9" . Me also being pretty tall , I know that short dresses look even shorter when you have such long legs. It is all black, and I believe she will look like a guest and stick out because all the other Mother's have very elegant gowns.
I told her I didn't think the dress was appropriate and that I wish she would get something NOT all black and at least tea length if not floor length. What does she do ? She calls me a Bridezilla, states that she WILL NOT buy a floor length gown, and that she will buy a bolero to wear over it in a different color "only for pictures" . And then she hangs up on me -_-
This is the same women that wore a tea length bright yellow dress that was $160 from David's Bridal for her daughter's wedding, because her daughter demand she bought that dress....... But me giving her options with a few guidelines is being a bridezilla?!
I don't know what is wrong with this women? Do I seem out of line?!!
I don't think that you are and I think that that dress is innapropriate too. Good luck with her!
I think that dress is TOTALLY inappropriate for anyone in the wedding party! What the heck!
You are not out of line...
I'll be honest with you, I think at all dictating what mothers should wear is too far. I've never heard of doing that, and I've told my mom to wear anything that she likes and is comfortable in, and my FMIL should do the same. Don't care what color, length, style, etc- I just want them to be comfortable and happy for my wedding day. They aren't members of the wedding party, so I'm not sure why it matters to you?
i dont think that your beoing out of line here. that dress is something i would exprect for a bridesmaid or a young attendee to a formal wedding. that is not something i think is approprite for a mother of the groom.
It would have been nice for her to respect your wishes. However, the dress that she wears will reflect on her, not you. It is really just a little black dress. It is not at all revealing. The pics on the models always look shorter than they are in real life.
I would just let it go.
although i looked at the dress pic and thought ummmmmm and that it looks like something to wear for a night out partying...... if youre in your 20's that is i also dont think you have the right to tell people how to spend their own money in what to wear, what colour to wear, what length to wear
i think this is a matter of picking your battles and if FMIL wants to be seen at your wedding in that, well it says more about her than you so smile and let it go
You arent out of line. At all. That dress IMO is not that bad, but then again, I dress like a super sexy escort sometimes :) (dont judge me! lol!)wait let me re state that...for a wedding not cool but if i saw someone in that dress i wouldnt give a second look. though Ive never heard of dictating to the MIL what to wear I dont think thats out of line, especially the way you presented it. Whats with people wearing tight sexyish dresses to weddings? i thought you were suppoed to, no matter what, dress conservitvely...(shrug) maybe that thought is old school? The last wedding i went to had girls wearing super tight, low cut, short booty clubbing vegas dresses...Like i said, i dress like that but thought it inappropriate for a wedding...
@julies1949: I know I am going to try brush it off. Wedding is 17 days away and I am just a big ball of nerves trying to get all the last minute details done. At this point I wouldn't even care if she got a tea length black gown and wore black hose as long as it covered her breasts and didn't showcase her legs.
@galloway111: Call me selfish but I am shelling out a lot of money for pictures, and our parents will be in a lot of them , and will be in alot of them that include the bridal party. I want pictures to at least coordinate, and I don't want her breasts to be exposed.
@aprose:Thankyou! My thoughts exactly. And not even a bridesmaid since my bridesmaid dresses are more formal than that dress. It looks like something I would wear at a wedding when I'm 21 , and I would probably still wear something under it so I am not flashing people half the night, not something I will wear to my sons wedding!
My mom wanted to wear a brown rhinestone encrusted bathing suit and a brown silk crinkle skirt. My mom is no petite miss either. So I feel ya on that one. Mom+weddings=insanity
I do think it's not exactly appropiate for the groom's mother. Having said that, I think you should let it go, you told her how you feel and that's it, you're not being unreasonable. But for the sake of both of you just try to let it go.
I'm sorry, I'm with galloway here in that I don't think you can dictate what mothers wear. You can certainly make your preferences known but to give them a colour scheme they need to stay within and dictating the length is going too far in my opinion. You may not think your FMIL's dress is appropriate (and I agree it's maybe not the most appropriate dress) but if she likes it and feels good in it, so be it.
Yes, you are paying for pictures but that doesn't mean you get to dictate every little aspect. Are you telling everyone involved with the wedding how to wear their hair and what their make-up should look like? There comes a point where you just need to step back and let it go.
And for what it's worth, my BMs wore long navy dresses and my mom also wore a long navy dress - there was absolutely no mistaking her for being a member of the bridal party. SHE was the one who was a bit worried about it (I was not in the slightest bit fussed) but she was comfortable in it and really liked the dress so I encouraged her to buy it. Sure enough, it looks great in the pictures and not the slightest bit weird.
I think you need to just let it go - do you want everyone to be happy and enjoy the day or do you this black cloud hanging over the day with your FMILs thinking, ugh, I'm so glad this is all over as Anniebo was being such a bridezilla!?
I agree with the other bees. saying I do think that dress is inappropriate for her and your pictures.... Its selfish. I also think you were being reasonable with outfit expectations as you didnt have many stipulations. I could see not wanting everyone to look like a BM.. I agree with coffecup too.. You need to let it go now as you did tell her and you do not want a big blow out before YOUR big day :)
@Angelz_love:haha, actually I LIKE this dress just not for her at her son's wedding! I would probably wear it myself to a nice dinner, christmas party, or maybe as a guest to a wedding, but not at her age, stature, or as mother of the groom. Definately when the other mom's are wearing the likes of these:
Her dress choice really sucks. But you really can't tell her what to wear, shes a grown ass woman. I guess if she wants to embarass herself, let her go right ahead.
Actually no I am not dictating how anyone wears their hair, their jewelry, or makeup. I am buying my girls jewelry but they are coming with me to pick it out and everyone can pick something different.
I have decided letting one mom wear all black and not the other's isn't fair so I can let go of her wearing black. But I just wish she was more conservative and didn't let it all hang out at a formal event.
guess some people do think I am bridezilla material 
funny when I gave everyone choices I thought that was very UN bridezilla of me. Also-- FMIL and my mom asked me for guidelines so they could coordinate with the other mama's ... funny.
While it's not what you would pick I actually don't think it's that bad and to be honest I think my almost 60 yo mother would wear that and look awesome in it.
Personally I've never heard of a bride telling the mothers what to wear, but if you did and gave them pleanty of time to pick something and she did listen than that just sucks that she didn't respect you. BUT - it's her outfit and I don't think she'll match the wedding party to closely, not to mention I'm sure other people (guests) will also be wearing black. It doesn't sound like you're being a bridezilla, but it's really not worth stressing about or arguing with her about.
I'm sorry, I didn't meant to come across as calling you a bridezilla, I just thought it was going a bit far to put stipulations on what the mothers should wear. Now having learned that they actually ASKED you for guidelines on what to wear, that's a different story.
In regards to FMIL and her dress - you know what, she's going to be the one who looks bad. It's not going to reflect on you as you obviously don't get to decide what she wears. People may raise their eyebrows and wonder, but again - it's going to be a reflection on her, not you. Some mothers seem to have difficulty accepting that they are old enough to have a child getting married - maybe this is a midlife crisis of sorts for her and she feels the need to prove that she can still wear sexy dresses like she would have worn when she was younger.
Yeah, it may suck - but just have the photographer place her in the back row of family photos, which will probably happen anyway as she's so tall, and then the shortness and inappropriateness of her dress will be less visible.
Good luck and I hope all goes well for your big day! :-)
@Ree723: Yeah, I didn't mean to call anyone a bridezilla!
OP, I don't think it's that bad, but I do think that trying to control the mothers' dresses is getting farther out than what's considered normal. I do think the dress your FMIL probably isn't the most appropriate, but maybe it will look different on a real person than a model.
I think it's different if they actually ask you what you want them to wear and want details. But even then I think your guidelines were a little strict. I'm sure no one will mistake who is a bridesmaid or not, so don't worry about it.
haha ladies. I will make it through :p I am sure I have been many expletive words in my lifetime I don't know why being called a Bridezilla hits such a sore spot.
@Angelz_love:Those are pics of the other Mother dresses .lol. Just for comparison.
While I wouldn't be a fan of the dress either, I cannot even imagine requesting a certain length or colors for my mom, or especially my FMIL, to wear! I do think that is being too picky. A much better strategy would be for your FI to ask his mom about her dress and then express concern that it isn't appropriate - of course you telling her is going to go over badly!
@Wonderstruck: I have given up on the not all black thing, at this time I don't care what color the dress is- Is it too much to want it to cover breasts and thighs for formalities sake?
@Anniebo: It's not too much to want that, but it's not your place to tell your FI's mother what is and isn't appropriate for the wedding - it's best to let him handle that one, telling your FMIL you don't approve of her dress for the wedding is sure to get your relationship started off on the wrong foot.
FWIW I don't think you're a Bridezilla, and I think that your requests were totally fine...I just think it a little strange for brides to dictate the outfits for the dads & moms. (Not saying I don't think it's actually a good idea -- because I do -- I'd just never heard of it before I came onto WB.)
Actually we have been close for over 3 years , she even calls me daughter from time to time. And she asked me for my opinion on the dress AFTER she bought it. But I wasn't going to lie.. FI just rolled his eyes and said , "great, my mother dearest is dressing like a hoochie". And I agree with pp she may just be having a little mid life crisis--- this is out of character for her.
At least you know what to expect the day of...I went to a wedding were the bride wanted the mothers in a certain color dress because of the wedding pictures, well not only didn't her MILnot wear that color she also wore a white long fancy gown you couldn't tell who was the bride...The bride was beyond pissed
@mrsjjohnson2b:OMG how spiteful! I wonder if she felt bad afterwords....
And just a reminder she asked for a sort of guidelines bc she wanted to mesh in pictures and with other mom's . I don't know what she is thinking!
Honestly, I don't think you can dictate what the mothers wear. I've actually never heard of a bride giving the mothers any wardrobe requirements before. I think your FMIL's dress doesn't look totally appropriate for a wedding, but it's her dress, she has to wear it, and she already said she'd cover up with a bolero in pictures for you. At this point, I don't really think there's anything else you can do. And if she does look like a total fool, it will look bad on her, not you.
And having been recently married myself, I'll just say, there are so many other things you have to worry and think about. Trust me, there will be things you won't want to have to worry about or stress over--let the mothers' outfits be one of those things.
@galloway111: I have to agree. I had a super laid-back wedding, so my views might be skewed, but I'm pretty sure my mom & MIL would've been a bit weirded out by me specifying what they can & can't wear. I wouldn't worry about it.
I also clicked on that link expecting something SUPER revealing and don't even think that dress is inappropriate. If she feels great in it, IMO that's all that matters. Good luck with the rest of your planning!
As PP's have said, I do think it's weird to be specifying what the parents wear, aside from giving them a general color idea. I don't think that dress is terribly inappropriate - and even so, she ought to be able to make her own decision as to how she wants to present herself. My mom wore a dress to my brother's wedding that I thought was a bit too short for her. But if my brother's wife had told her to change it, my reaction would have been, "Hey bro, what the hell is wrong with this chick?"
I don't think you even get a look in when it comes to them choosing their dresses.
They are NOT a part of the wedding party.
This is off topic a little. My grandmother can sew anything I mean anything and she is known for her outfits, very elegent. Well, when my mom was getting married my step fathers mom likes to dress up as well but she is no where near the level of my grandmother as far as style.
Well my grandmother wore an outfit she made and was stunning. My step fathers mom wore one dress to the ceremony, then changed for the reception and mid way through the reception she changed again. we were all like wth?!! It was so funny. I guess she was trying to out do my grandmother because we were all talking about what my grandmother was going to wear. Parents do strange things at weddings but you got to love them
What a pack mentality tonight----In my opinion, If they didn't want me to have a say, then they shouldn't have asked. It's not like I typed them a list of no no's , they asked. Which is why I find it so rude for her to do what she did and then yell at me and call me a bridezilla when she asks of my opinion. And she asked like she already knew how I would feel just so she could start something...
But I am letting it go , if that is what she chooses to wear then like a few pp have stated : then that reflects on her, I have more things to be worrying about.
@Anniebo: It seems that actually, you asked for opinions are now becoming defensive because you don't like what you're hearing. And saying "What a pack mentality" is being rude towards those who have taken time to answer your question.
Yes, they asked for a guideline. But just because you're paying for pics doesn't mean you get to veto their outfit choices, even if you don't like them. These are grown women who aren't members of the bridal party. Your *possibly* bridezilla-ish attitude is coming out in this thread and I think I can see how wedding stress is affecting you. So it's good that you've decided to let it go. Everyone will be focused on the bride and groom anyway.
I know you are allowed to tell your BMs what to wear. I'm not really sure if you are allowed to tell your mother or FMIL what to wear but I would have to say probably not since they are so much older than you. I agree with you that that dress on a busty(her age shouldn't matter) woman is going to look inappropriate I'm just not sure that you can tell her not to wear it. Try to just forget about what she is wearing in the end no one will remember or care what she was wearing. And no making a few requests does not make you a zilla.
To be honest, it never occurred to me that I would decide what the mothers wear, until they started asking me what they should wear. It's nice that they want to blend in with the bridal party, but I want them to stand out, too!
I actually prefer the dress your FMIL picked to the others, in all honesty. As long as it fits her appropriately, I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. Nothing looks like it willl be exposed and the length is probably OK too. She's only 46! Give her a break and just go with it....she isn't an old lady who needs to be covered from head to toe.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 52 |
| Brielle | 41 |
| mypinkshoes | 34 |
| Cady | 32 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 32 |
| AshleyR83 | 30 |
| ndreighton | 27 |
| rebwana | 26 |
| funkymunky85 | 26 |
| fishbone | 26 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| LammChop | 3 |
| rebwana | 3 |
| eloping | 1 |
| MidnightSun | 1 |
| mightywombat | 1 |
| sara_tiara | 1 |
| JulesSchnooks | 1 |
| vlbee | 1 |
| WestieGirl | 1 |
| Ellegee | 1 |
