Just collecting my thoughts.

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

Have kids when you feel 100% ready. I know plenty of people who have had their first baby their first year of marriage. (You’d have been pregnant right now for one I know lol.) And their relationship seemed to get stronger! I’d be wary of this thread, since I know some people would say that if a baby ruined your marriage you shouldn’t have gotten married at all. But, I understand you’re worried and a baby is a big deal. Literally a life-changing event. My suggestion is if you think you’re ready, just don’t start trying. Just let things happen naturally, and if it happens, it happens. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@tiffanyscanlan:  Im pregnant now, and was married for just about a year when we started trying. Honestly, you can wait another 6 months and see how you feel. Im not going to tell you there’s “no rush” because we unfortunately do have a bio clock and its very real, but definitely if you are hesitant and want to enjoy married life for a year I think that’s completely natural and healthy! Also, pregnancy is scary- we were trying for 5 months before it happened for us and each month I cried when I got my period- so this baby is VERY wanted- but once that stick shows two lines you realize you are on a ride towards a destination and you cannot get off so you better hold on tight! It’s tough to know when you’re ready because you might NEVER feel 100% ready, and that’s OK too. I think put the decision on hold for 6 months, go on dates, go to concerts, and start checking out the women with strollers and babies around you and get your head around the idea that that will be you- SOMEDAY!

Post # 5
Member
2184 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

This is a great idea. My husband and I made our first year of marriage our year of fun. We traveled abroad, did things like stay overnight in a haunted former penitentiary and go to a zoo where we pet lemurs and red pandas, and we had an amazing time, just the two of us. Our second year of marriage was supposed to be our year of savings, but I got pregnant. we love our little girl and are so happy we did so much before having her. It’s true that if you wait until you’re totally ready to have kids, youll probably never have them, but I think it’s great to take time to be husband and wife before adding a baby. We had been together for 6 years before we got married, for reference. 

Post # 7
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@tiffanyscanlan:  We had some goals we wanted to meet before we started trying. We wanted to wait a year, get a house and dog and then start trying. House was achieved in March, dog in June, and, by that time, we couldn’t really think of a reason to wait an extra month or two to start trying so we just got started thinking it would take us a while anyway (and got pregnant right away).

Do what is best for you and when YOU are ready. There is nothing wrong with wanting to sleep in some more, travel, save money, whatever. Keep in mind that there will ALWAYS be some sort of inconvenience where you say, “Meh, I don’t want a kid during this time” or something, so try not to plan too much like that. Just do it when you’re ready 🙂

Post # 8
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@tiffanyscanlan:  I don’t think you ever feel 100% ready. I also don’t think anything can prepare you for parenthood. It doesn’t matter what people tell you, you will never be ready to have a baby until you have a baby. 

Let fate take over. If it happens, it happens 🙂 

Post # 9
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

If you’re having any kind of doubts about timing by all means hold off. Once they’re here, they’re here for good and all of your energy, attention and time is spent on them. It’s easy to lose yourself in a way because you’re consumed by your child. You are no longer the priority, they are. I had my kids YOUNG, my first when I was 21. Looking back, I would have waited. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my kids and wouldn’t change a thing but I was way too young. You definitely want to KNOW you are ready! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@tiffanyscanlan:  It’s a huge decision and don’t worry about letting people down because it will be YOU caring for the child 24/7/365, not them. Having a baby changes EVERYTHING. I’ve always been a good mom but I’m better now at 32 than I was at 22. I have more patience, I’m more nurturing. There are benefits to waiting for sure. As for me I’ll be 43 when all of my kids are grown which is relatively young so I’ll have my “me” time then 🙂

Post # 12
Member
2210 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

We were married for 8 years before we had a baby.  Actually we didn’t get a baby – we got a unique and wonderful person.

 

Post # 13
Member
5283 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@tiffanyscanlan:  I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way. I’m so conflicted that one day I want a baby (have been married 9 months) then the next day I’m not so sure. It’s such a big decision!

Post # 15
Member
2210 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

We were married at 25 and 26. We married each other because we loved each other and wanted to be together. We didn’t know if we wanted a child.  However we thought that if we did decide to have a child we should have the child before our late thirties because of the higher risk of Down’s syndrome.

We had our daughter when we were 34 and 35.  The pregnancy was planned and it went really well.

I think the only thing that I regret is not having a second child soon after because I later had breast cancer and the treatment made me infertile.  Do I regret not having a child earlier?  Not at all.  I might have had a child but the child wouldn’t have been the same child.

I also think that having a child later makes a lot of sense.  You have more life experience and having a child later on keeps you younger in outlook for longer.

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