Post # 1
I am from the U.K and I do see a lot of posts on here about BM’s not ordering their dresses in time, reluctant to order, not replying to msgs about ordering etc etc
I don’t usually reply to these as in the U.K the bride pays for the whole lot – dress, hair, makeup, jewellery, shoes and alterations to dress….and so I wouldn’t be much help (as I realised in a prev post)
I am not saying either way is wrong or right as it is just what we each do it I guess, but what I was just wondering is –
I can’t help thinking that if the bride is really stressed about the BM not buying the dress, then wouldn’t it make more sense for the bride to just buy it (and if the BM is meant to pay for the dress) then BM pay her back later? I realise that there are probably many scenarios that mean that this wouldn’t work but I would be interested to hear them…..
Please don’t think I am being judgemental, I really am not – I am just interested
Post # 3
I think in theory this sounds like a good way to do things, but in reality this may not solve the problems. First of all, I think that a lot of the drama surrounding BM dresses comes around the time that the girls are supposed to try them on. I know for me, it was difficult to organize everyone to go and look at dresses as schedules are all different. So even if the bride payed for the dresses upfront, that wouldn’t alleviate this issue. Second, I can see a lot of messiness arising from the “I’ll pay you back” scenario. I think that after a purchase is made, and other wedding details take precedence, it would be a headache for the bride to track people down for money. Also, for me, I would be more comfortable hounding people to take care of something that is supposed to be their responsibility, rather than hounding them to pay me money.
Post # 4
@jules28: Thanks for replying – yes, that makes a lot of sense. I totally see your point about chasing people up for money – I can see a lot that would cause a lot fo stress all round.
In the U.K it can still be a headache organising things. I bought the dresses and everything which was no problem. We all agreed on colour and style very quickly and I just had to locate ones I could afford (very much a budget wedding) but organising getting everyone together for alterations has not been without its difficulties though we are on track now. I guess there are always problems whichever way you do it – because people have lives as well and situations happen that people can’t always control.
Post # 5
I think it comes down to money. I didn’t budget for their dresses when I sat down and made a budget. I’m paying for every aspect of the wedding except what ppl are doing as gifts (my cake is a gift, my aunt is making it. My mom is making burlap table runners). If my parents were paying (like the stories say is tradition, I’d have money to help them out. But I don’t.
In the US, when you are asked to be a bm, before you answer you should make sure you can commit time and money. I asked 6 girls. When I asked them, I asked what their budget was. I knew one of the girls was having financial troubles, so I told her I’d be sure to ask her before I decided and that it was more important that she was there than for me to pick some extravagant dress.
The problem is that sometimes girls say yes to being a bm before considering what they are saying yes to. All you have to do is be honest. A friend of mine was asked to be the only bm in a girls wedding. She said “I can’t afford a dress. I have to either wear something I already have or you will have to buy it. I’m totally ok if you want to ask someone else, and I’m sorry if you are disappointed.” the girls both went to db and picked a dress off the rack. The bride bought it, and after the wedding, sold it and made her money back. If the bridesmaid hadn’t been honest, it could have gone bad. Honesty is always best when it involves money.