Post # 1
So I have an associate who is recently engaged, and someone was asking me about them. Now I always knew their relationship seemed “off” to me, but I realized just how many red flags seemed to be present. I wanted to see if anyone else agrees, or if I’m nitpicking…
- They started dating after knowing each other for 1 week. It was a result of him telling her to break up with her previous boyfriend because supposedly he felt that HE was supposed to be her future husband because “God told him this.” Their relationship began less than 24 hours after her last one ended.
- She abruptly changed her career plans and school plans to revolve around him after a few months together and told everyone it was because she had a “change of heart.”
- He tells her what to do with her money. She once told me she was going to make a 3 hour drive and ASKED HIM for permission to get fast food before she got on the road. He said no and then she was upset because she was extremely hungry the entire time. And recently I overheard him telling her on the phone “DO NOT spend any money on lunch, eat what’s in the fridge” and he repeated this at least 4 times, getting more and more angry as he said it. Then 15 mins later he was buying a sandwich from the deli for himself..
- He speaks to her like she’s a child in public…raising his voice, speaking in an irritated manner, telling her to shut up. It makes everyone else feel extremely awkward.
- He is already legally married to someone else (long story).
- He is 25, lives with his family, and claims he will also move her into his family’s house after they’re married. He seems to have no intention of ever moving out.
- He had a falling out with a few people and told her she can’t talk to them anymore…even though his falling out had nothing to do with her, and she was very close with them.
On their own both of them are very nice people (definitely not my favorite people in the world, but nice still). But as a couple they appear to be very toxic. I’ve tried to give her bits of wisdom about some of these things I’ve observed, but ultimately she only seems to listen to HIM! And DH has tried to tell the guy about different things he could try to do differently but he has an excuse for everything. I feel like we’re watching a train wreck and I’m wondering why nobody else has said anything to them about any of this! I would not be marrying this guy…what about you?
Post # 3
She needs to run. Very fast. In the other direction.
Post # 4
I would never marry someone who told me what I could or could not do with my money or what I could eat. I had an eating disorder due to a man when I was in my late teens and I will never allow a man to dictate that.
I would also never marry a man who was already legally married to someone else.
I feel pretty terrible for this person.
Post # 5
uh no… he sounds very scary.
Post # 6
I have seen this relationship before. Unfortunatly, as outsiders, we have a much better perspective than those in the relationship. Sounds like he is abusive, and she is taking it.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t marry him based on that description, but then again I’m not like her… since I wouldn’t be with someone that tried to have control over all my decisions.
Post # 9
Hey, it’s her choice – not yours.
Have you SAID to her that you think her relationship is toxic?
Because she probably doesn’t even see it.
It sounds to me like this girl needs a big boost to her self-esteem and that guy needs a good blow to his ego.
Post # 10
@Galang_Gyal: All red flags there – he is controlling her. Anyone can google Toxic Relationship and see how trapped she is. Men like that are good at what they do, and pick their victims carefully. I hope she will wake up and see what is happening.
Post # 11
He sounds scary and extremely controlling.
Post # 12
Well, I didn’t even have to get past the first point to know my answer. Is someone told me to end my relationship because God told them they would be my husband I would be running for the hills…
The rest were awful too, that is not a healthy relationship.
Post # 13
THis just can’t end well…
Post # 14
@Galang_Gyal: Sorry, but once I got to “he’s already legally married to someone else” I thought there’s the nail in the coffin right there! The other things are bad enough and controlling and could become abusive quite easily, however him being married already is enough of a reason, imo, on it’s own to call it quits…
Post # 15
Whoa. I read no. 1 and was like, meh. Some women/men are like that – will jump from one relationship to the next. The God thing? Not my thing either… But the rest… !
People will fuck it up for themselves if they want to. They’re adults and they will make their own mistakes… You can’t do anything.
Post # 16
@Galang_Gyal: I would not want to marry him but I know people that have been in the same boat and tried to warn them and they thought they knew better than everyone else.