(Closed) “Just don’t get drunk”

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: How involved should the groom be in the wedding planning process?
    Not at all... "you don't even know which fork to use" : (0 votes)
    Only when asked... "ok monkey... you can talk now" : (45 votes)
    23 %
    An equal amount... "don't tip the scale" : (148 votes)
    76 %
    Groomzilla.... "Show up with a playbook in hand" : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I wish my husband had taken a more active interest. I think you should take as large and vocal a role as you want! As with everything surrounding a marriage, it’s all about communication, right? So let Ms. Coffee know what you’re interested in, what you’d like to help with, what is important to you. In the end, it’ll make your wedding really feel like it’s about both of you, instead of a bunch of decisions the bride made that the groom happened to go along with. Everyone at the wedding will be able to tell the difference, trust me – and it’ll be that much better a party for it! 🙂

    Post # 4
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think the groom should be involved in location, food, music, what the ceremony involves but usually the bride wants to pick the colors, invitations & dress.

    Nota bene: Never, EVER, say that you hate ANY style of dress/veil, or question any of her styling (shoes, jewelry etc), it’ll only make her feel disappointed if you don’t like it and insecure about her decisions.

    Speak up if it’s something you truely care about, the wedding is a representation of the two of you so you should be as involved as you’d like to be. However, if you honestly don’t care about some things, just let her know. My husband didn’t care about flowers or table decor which I was 100% fine with because I could just pick what I liked, but if he had I would have found something we both liked.

    Post # 5
    Member
    7587 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    My FI is very involved. He had an opinion about everything.  I would remind your blushing bride, not in front of the family, that this wedding is for the two of you and not her families.

    The FI and I did almost all of the planning with out help from anyone.  We asked opinions and kept our moms involved but we always made the final decisions on our own.

    With that said, he helped make all the decisions, but now that there is lots of “work” to do 60 days prior and he is sitting in the corner playing tetris (actually baseball on the playstation) on his own accord and this is the time I could really use him!!!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1537 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Wow how refreshing to see a man that wants to be involved. I know personally if my hubbie-to-be wanted to help me out a little more I would appreciate it!

    As it stands, my man is only concerned with the most idotic of ideas. “Uhhhh can I have striped socks?” or “Make sure you get those little mustaches on the sticks…those are rad.”

    When it comes to actually trying to decide the color of our invitations, what floral design we should have, or what the cake should look like he just shrugs and says something along the lines of, “Can’t we talk about this later? We have so much time left!”

    Give your lady all the help you can. It is your wedding too afterall!

    Post # 7
    Member
    11327 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I think the “ideal” groom has opinions and offers them readily… but doesn’t cause additional stress. It sounds like your bride really wants your opinions and help– great! But if she has been dreaming of dahlia centerpieces since she was 6… maybe don’t push daisies on her. That kind of thing 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    396 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I think you should give your thoughts, when you feel you should! With or without invitation! It is your wedding too! I think a lot of times people forget, without a couple there can’t really be a wedding, so both parties should always have welcomed opinions and equal say! One thing I learned is that when the family is involved in a debate, to wait until you get home and it’s just the two of you talking about it, and make your decision and then go and say that both of you have decided, it never works well if you and bride don’t agree on something infront of other people in the planning process, because then usually the others planning decide, and it won’t end up being what either of you want.

    Post # 9
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Every relationship is different, but I think in general the menfolk should tread lightly when it comes to wedding planning. If something is really important to you, speak up. But I promise it’s most likely more important to the bride if the tablecloths are blue or purple.

    The big decisions should be made by the two of you behind closed doors i.e. who is in the wedding party, where the ceremony/reception will be, who is invited, etc. But there are a million other little things that the bride will probably want to pick out and might be really hurt if you dislike.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3601 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    Mr Dear and I  are 50/50 decision making, although it ends up being more like 60/40 since i am the one to initially bring up the things we need to decide on.

    Post # 11
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    From my experience, I would agree with the PPs that you should tread lightly in front of the family. I had a borderline freak out when my mom decided she was going to get what she wanted by teaming up with FI. FI is kind of afraid to say no to my mom, so she portrayed herself as champoning his views.

    Definitely talk about everything in private, away from the families. FI has had input in everything, which is great, but sometimes it is frustrating. I’m putting a lot of research and thought into things, and when he just out of the blue says he doesn’t like something on a whim, it’s incredibly irritating.

    Most of the time, though, I do love that he’s involved!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    Okay, I was the one lame-o who voted only when asked.  I thought you were asking how involved our fiance’s are.  Mine isn’t so much, I mean he cares about certain aspects but the overall event has really been my planning b/c he’s disinterested and I’m not going to fuss over that.  Honestly, my fiance could care less about colors/decorations.  I usually prompt him with questions and get his feedback, we try to take into consideration our families but mostly, it’s about us.  Ideally, we’d both be equally interested.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2090 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think you should be equally involved (or, as equally involved as you want to be). This is a merging of BOTH your families – not just hers, and the reception is a party that should reflect you both, not just the bride.

    Make sure you speak up about what’s most important to you. My husband was very involved in the food, music, what he would wear (he was very picky about his tux!), and the overall look. He didn’t especially care about specific little details, as long as they fit within the grand scheme – so often, I would run 3-4 options by him, and he would outright veto one, and we would go from there.

    Some of your concerns about answering to the entire family will depend on your situation – are you paying for the wedding yourself, or with help from parents? Some parents who pay do so with no strings attached – others have many strings attached. Is your fiance planning this, or is her mother taking the reins?

    I think you should give your opinion without invitation, especially if its something that’s important to you!

    Post # 14
    Member
    49 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Get involved! She said she wants you involved then be there & help her. You two will have fun doing it. Push aside your unsure feelings about how everyone else will feel about you getting involved.  The wedding is for the TWO of you not her and her family. Sometimes some family members need to take a step back. Don’t be afraid to politely say so if they step on YOUR toes.

    Mr. Coffee you sure are an interesting man creature! It’s neat to here your point of view!

    Post # 15
    Member
    23 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    That’s so wonderful that you are so involved in the wedding process! My fiance is very hands-on with all things related to the wedding and I feel very lucky that he has taken such an interest. Every decision (except my dress and his tux) we make as a couple, which is helping to ensure that the day is completely “us”.

     

    If Miss. Coffee wants your input, then give it! Weddings can be a very stressful process to some brides and I am sure having you with her each step of the way will be very helpful and make planning that much more enjoyable.

    Post # 16
    Member
    23 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    That’s so wonderful that you are so involved in the wedding process! My fiance is very hands-on with all things related to the wedding and I feel very lucky that he has taken such an interest. Every decision (except my dress and his tux) we make as a couple, which is helping to ensure that the day is completely “us”.

    If Miss. Coffee wants your input, then give it! Weddings can be a very stressful process to some brides and I am sure having you with her each step of the way will be very helpful and make planning that much more enjoyable.

    The topic ‘“Just don’t get drunk”’ is closed to new replies.

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