just engaged but have a crush on my personal trainer PT

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
989 posts
Busy bee

@memyselfandmymister:  I think that you need to stop seeing the PT. There are issues in your relationship that need sorting out, without having a man you’re crushing on to muddy the water.

The lack of intimacy is a concern – is this his choice? If so, it’s no wonder that you have these romantic feelings towards someone else. 

So, your best bet is to remove the temptation. It’s totally normal to be attracted to other people, especially when you spend a lot of time with them. But if you feel that you may one day act on that attraction, it’s best to stop it now.

You can always get back to how things were in the beginning with your FI – but you both have to try.

Post # 4
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@Deejayelle:  I agree. 

You are playing a dangerous game. You need to get away from the PT and address your relationship problems. You can’t expect issues to fix themselves. It takes work and devotion.

Post # 5
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I wouldn’t have accepted a proposal if my partner and I had huge intimacy problems. I think if you fixed that, you wouldn’t be having this issue with your PT you’re having now. You need to stop seeing PT, he is only complicating the situation.

Post # 6
7019 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Jessica_Rabbit:  I agree, stop seeing your PT.

Also why the heck is he even your facebook friend? PT is meant to be a business thing. I think facebook friends is too far for a start. Unfriend him on facebook, and block him (facebook and phone) if he continues to text you.

BTW the fact that he texts you in response to facebook comments = he’s flirting with you. Which is unprofessional of him.

Post # 7
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Lack of sex+crush on someone else who flirts=Affair. 

Please please please don’t marry your fiance until the sex issues are sorted out.

I know you may feel like you have to marry him because of your children…but a marriage with no sex is bound to fail unless the couple is asexual. 


Post # 8
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

You have kids with your FI. You owe it to your kids to be faithful and do the right thing. I am sorry, I am a child of divorce and just cannot sympathise with parents in this situation. Stop seeing your PT, there is absolutely no doubt about that. You can see things are heading towards a danger zone, so stop them before it gets there. This ‘fling’ that you want is a temporary satisfaction that will ruin everyone’s lives, especially your kids. If you don’t want to be with your FI anymore, the least you could do is walk out on him properly (if walking out can ever be done properly, really). Do not cheat, do not have a fling, and stop seeing your PT. No sympathy from me. Sorry.

Edit: I’d just like to add that where it is a violent or abusive relationship, my views are different.

Post # 9
2124 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@memyselfandmymister:  I’m not sure why you accepted a proposal. I understand that you have children together and have been together foe 8 years but those aren’t reasons to get engaged. 

Post # 10
525 posts
Busy bee

You know – I don’t thinnk you have a giant problem. The PT issue is sort of natural – crushes happen. I think the worst thing is that yours progressed a buit more than comfort – I have my actor and singer crushes but my FI is the only man I could imagine being intimate with. With your PT I would consider switching to a new one – not just because of you but because he also crossed a boundry and I think there is temptation there that is taking away from your current love. As fara as the intimacy- that actually made me pause. But you have two small kids and a slow down is not too strange. You should switch PTs, go to therapy, and see if you WANT to rekindle that flame. It really does not sound too bad – just sounds like work. Nothing you listed though was something that made me sit back and think your FIs reationnship was lost.

Post # 11
1834 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@memyselfandmymister:  are you ok with being in a sexless marriage for the rest of your life? That is the real question. The thing with your PT is a symptom of your unhappiness and sexual frustration. cool things with the PT and figure out if your guy is wiling to go to therapy. I personally would not be ok with having sex twice a year (barring serious illness or injury!) and if he were unwilling to work on it, I would move on. 

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