- 5 years ago
I’m mostly just writing this as a rant because I’m annoyed and that’s what I do when I’m annoyed.
Why does my SO keep referencing future plans and has now gotten to the point of initiating looking at houses for us (we’ve looked at several) but is having a hard time pulling the trigger on an actual engagement? We live separately and I’ve told him from the beginning I did not want to live together without being engaged at least and he feels the same way. We had another talk this weekend after I told him I was feeling frustrated at him wanting to make all these plans for us and talking about a life together but not actually doing the thing that means the most to me which is a proposal and an actual engagement. I asked him what he was waiting on and he answered he didn’t know, he tells me I’m “in” when I ask about whether my future is going to be with him and that this is the happiest he’s ever been. I really wish he knew how it was becoming hurtful and frustrating because the only thing I can feel when he still doesn’t propose and we go by month after month after month is a sense of growing rejection and feeling like he isn’t sure.
I told him I didn’t want to talk about houses or moving in together anymore until he actually asked me to be his wife. I’m tired of the chit chat and I’m tired of wondering why he still hasn’t pulled the proverbial trigger. We’re both 35 and I don’t know what he’s waiting on.
Needless to say I’m instituting a shut up period for as long as I can muster, at least through this weekend. I don’t even want to talk about it anymore. I’m annoyed. I’m confused. He is a wonderful man and i don’t know what the hold up is. Money isn’t an issue, he just procrastinates on a lot of things in life, he has a hard time making decisions I usually have to nudge him into doing things and he always tells me afterwards that he is thankful.
I do have my own interests and hobbies and a great group of friends, I am trying not to dwell, I am happy, but I can’t help feeling resentful that I’m in this weird waiting limbo wondering what the next stage of my life might be and waiting for him to figure what he is going to do. I don’t know whether to spend money and fix up my house to get it rental ready soon (something he has suggested). Should I buy a newer car and incur some debt to replace my old paid off one with over 200k on it with transmission issues or hold off since he already has two cars? Should I treat myself financially to a trip and things I want to do for myself or hold off because a new house and a wedding are (possibly) on the horizon which will cost money?
Sorry, I’m not really looking for advice. I’m just feeling frustrated at being in limbo land and wondering why my wonderful boyfriend can’t just do this. Thanks for listening 🙂