Post # 1
So I saw BDH’s post about asking a groom and I wanted to flip it on its proverbial head as there are some things women care about that truly perplex me! All the other guys (the three of them i’ve seen) are more than welcome to join in and ask as well.
Here’s a couple to start and I’ll continue on as we go and I think of more.
Why do girls care SO much about clothes? To be more specific; why do girls feel the need to buy a new outfit for certain events (could even just be a random saturday night)? Do girls not understand that guys (I shouldn’t generalise but I’m going to anyway) genuinely don’t care if we see you in the same great outfit twice? (To help out, I know a lot of girls dress up mostly for other girls who do care which I’m guessing is probably a big part of the answer)
Do girls understand that if you tell your bf/fiance/husband about something your friend did to you that was wrong the guy will think less of them? I’ll give you an example to work from. My better half’s friend is somewhat selfish and I am told stories about “she did this, she did that” (not maliciously, just general venting in a safe environment) but I don’t think my WW (wonderful wife – I’m bringing it in lol) realises that as a result I find it hard to like this person. To me I don’t have the same friendship they have so I only see the bad things and not the countless good things I’m sure this person does but I don’t hear about because I don’t need a blow by blow accounts of my WW’s activities.
Looking forward to opinions!
Post # 3
In regards to your first question about clothes…I think mostly it is about making ourselves feel good. Generally speaking, I think most women exude more confidence and feel better about themselves, resulting in them having a better time and also an easier time being outgoing. I know that when I don’t put myself together (think tshirt, jeans, ponytail, and no makeup), I tend to be more reserved than when I feel good about how I look. Its the same reason we sometimes wear nicer undergarments even if no one is going to see them, because it gives us a little self-esteem boost! Its about being happy with ourselves, but I think it is also because our society places so much emphasis on HOW we look to begin with. It is a lot more socially acceptable and sometimes even sexier for a guy to not look perfectally in shape and put together.
And about the friendship and judgement question….this is the same reason I don’t usually tell my friends and family about the arguments I have with my fiance. Because I don’t want them to think badly about him. But I think your wife probably thinks that you are a judgement-free zone and a safe place to vent. Have you told her how you feel about this? Maybe tell her that if she wants you to like her friend, then she needs to share more about her good qualities and not just the bad with you. And its okay if you don’t really like her friend as long as no parties involved are being disrespectful about it. FI has a friend who I cannot stand, and honestly, I don’t think he is even a very good friend to begin with, but he is FI’s friend, not mine. I just limit my contact with this person, and FI has had conversations with this friend about his offending behavior and to knock it off when I’m around. He usually does now.
Sorry that this isn’t written better, but I’m running very low on sleep!!
Post # 4
@Shiner: Thanks Shiner, appreciate the thoughts – definitely a head scratcher on the “judgement free” part because I’m always going to be upset about someone upsetting her. I’m a pretty laidback person to so I don’t think I’m speaking out of turn to think most guys would be the same.
Post # 5
Well, I can’t comment on your first question because I don’t do that. I DO know that I want to look dazzling for my hubby. As if it’s our first date all over again. Want him to look at me and be “blinded” by my beauty, lol. I want him to be proud of me. Note: I know he is proud of me and thinks I’m beautiful but I can be a girly girl and part of my God given right is getting dressed up! (I just don’t see the need to buy a new outfit for every event).
As for your second remark, If I worried about what my husband thought about a friend I was bitching about I would say: “So and so is a great person so I don’t get why she acts this way”. In the end though, if I’m not that close to her, it’s more like gossipping with a girlfriend when I chat with hubby. (Not to sound mean, but it’s true and we all do it!)
Post # 6
@confusedman: Not all women are like that. One of my bm’s HATES shopping, even for groceries, let alone clothing. (bm=bridesmaid) Me, I love shopping and I love new outfits, but I’m not one who’s gonna add more to her already-full wardrobe “just because”.
Some women, though HAVE to have what’s “in”. I don’t get this because some of the dresses I have, I’ve had for YEARS and LOVE wearing them over and over. (Cute, sexy, and I look great in ’em…and why spend more money on me when I can wear what I love and spend said money or other things… like my kids and/or my FI or bills?)
As for the wife using your as a sounding board… well… who ELSE is she going to complain to??? 😉 Seriously, I doubt she can complain to her friends without looking whiney or anything worse. I do the same to my FI about my family/work and, well, he usually gives me another viewpoint or agrees and just lets me get it out of my system. He’ll sometimes do the same, but it’s typically about work. (He’s known to “shoot from the hip” and tell it as it is, and his friends know this. NO ONE is safe from him when it comes to that. Not me, our kids, or his family.)
It’s possible she’s looking for your opinion and/or just to listen and let her get it out of her system. I don’t know and unless I heard the conversation, I wouldn’t be able to say.
Post # 7
To answer the first question, I don’t do that either. I mean yeah I love to dress up but I don’t go out and buy an outfit everytime. My FI has a very short memory so he thinks I buy all my clothes when in reality I’ve had them in my closet for the longest time. hihi
My FI doesn’t think anything less of my friends if I’m complaining about them. He cares but it doesn’t change his mind about my friends, we all have our moments with our friends and he does the same thing complaining about his friends and it doesn’t affect my thoughts about them.