Post # 1
I recently found out that my fiance has been cheating on me with different women the entire time he’s been dating me. We just had a baby in February and the wedding is scheduled for September.
He is in the military and we currently live in different cities. My daughter and I went to visit him last week and while I was using his computer, I noticed that links to a dating site kept popping up in the browser history. I asked him about it and he said he was just looking for people to hang out with since he’s new to the city. I thought it sounded off but I settled for his explanation. The next day, I was using his computer again and noticed he was still logged into his facebook. I looked at his messages and found numerous emails with different women, dating back from the beginning of our relationship to as recent as 2 weeks ago. They confirmed that he’s been leading a double life and cheating on me all along.
I confronted him and he had a stupid excuse for everything I found and also tried to shift blame by saying I shouldn’t have been snooping. I didn’t believe his stories so I got in touch with one of the women in the messages and she confirmed that he had been sleeping off and on with her for years and that she didn’t even know he was engaged or had a baby!!
He is begging and pleading with me and telling me how much he loves me and the baby. He is talking about how he’s been praying to be a good husband/father. However, he still hasn’t accepted responsibility or admitted what he did. I had to find out the details from one of the women. If he had of come clean when I first confronted him, I might have been willing to at least consider trying to salvage the relationship. But he’s STILL LYING. I cannot believe he invested so much time in our relationship, spent time with my family, introduced me to his family/friends/co-workers, took me on trips, etc. and all along he was cheating.
Is there even a hope for this relationship? Right now I am devasted and feel like my life is over. Seriously the only reason I am motivated to live right now is my daughter…
Post # 3
Wow. That is so terrible. You must be heartbroken.
I am a HUGE fan of counseling. Not for you guys….but for you!
This is a really confusing time and I think it would be a good idea to have someone to talk to who can help you work thru all of this. Friends and family are great….but sometimes when things are REALLY bad, I think it is a good thing to have someone else.
I don’t think it is a good sign that it was not just a one time thing….but an ongoing pattern. I think you should find someone to talk to to help you work thru this. It’s alot to handle 🙁
I am so sorry
Post # 4
@spraguebride: I second this 🙁
This is terrible! I’m so sorry. He can’t pray to be someone he’s not. He has to actively work at it.. it sounds like he hasn’t taken any responsibility for his actions.
Post # 5
I am so sorry (((HUGS))). You did the right thing by calling off the wedding. You are better than to be treated like that. You deserve to be loved fully, cheating and lies are def not love. His deception is going to sting and hurt for a long time, but eventually, the light will shine again. Right now, you will have to keep up the appearance of happiness for your daughter, I know that is going to be really hard but it will actually help you if even in a small way. I wish that I could say more to take the pain away, but for now I will keep sending you happy thoughts and keep you in my prayer.
I would contact the military right away and find out what the process is for getting child support, or a lawyer if you don’t get it already.
Post # 6
Im so sorry that this happened to you!! I also agree with spraguebride on the counseling deal.
I strongly suggest taking this time to be there for your daughter! This guy obviously doesnt care about you, which he proves through his actions. You deserve someone who respects you and your daughter!
Post # 7
Ugh, I’m so sorry.
Stay strong for your daughter.
And leave this dude. There is no salvaging a relationship that does not have the foundation of trust. And you can never trust him again, nor can you live fearing he will do this again to you.
Post # 8
I’m sorry you’re going through this. What an a$$. I’m sorry, but I don’t know that this relationship is worth saving. Had it been a one time deal that he was genuinely sorry about that might be worth a try, but he was leading a double life from the beginning. I firmly believe that the key to ANY kind of relationship is trust and if you don’t have that, you don’t have anything. Stay strong for your sweet girl…make the decisions for yourself that you would make for your daughter if she was ever in this situation in the future.
Post # 9
I don’t get the chance to post much on here, but I have had a few family members that were victims of infidelity, and they found this website to be helpful! http://www.survivinginfidelity.com I am so sorry that you are going through this. 🙁
Post # 10
What a jerk! Definitely call off the wedding on his lying self.
Post # 11
There is no hope whatsoever. You need to do what’s best for both you and your daughter. He’s a scumbag. No offense.
Post # 12
I think the best is for you to take some time away from him – you need to think about what you want & what is best for your child & for you.
What is unfortunate, is that this wasn’t even a one time thing, since the first day you became a couple he has been unfaithful…..
I wish you the absolute best & Stay strong!!
Post # 13
I don’t normally comment on these types of threads beacause there is no way to know the whole situation or the people involved.
But in this case I say leave him. Never ever look back. The two of you were really never in a relationship if he was with other people the whole time. You have your daughter to think about and he, whether you still love him or not, is a liar. Do not show you daughter that you can be taken advantage of by a man who does not love you. Be strong and independant for her. In the core of his being he is a liar without remorse. The only thing he is sorry about is that you found out. Not that he did it in the first place. A person who has consistently cheated from the very beginning will not change.
There is someone out there who will NOT EVER do this to you! Do not cheat yourself by staying with this guy.
Post # 14
I would definitely seek counseling for yourself, not for him. You deserve so much more than to be treated like that. Don’t get yourself down – it was nothing you did. I know it seems hard and impossible right now, but if it helps you to think of it this way, you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of your daughter. You know, the whole air-mask thing they tell you on airplanes? Not that I’m saying you can’t take care of her – at all. But having someone else help you through a difficult time can be a blessing in disguise!
Post # 15
I also agree with @spraguebride: unfortunately.
– This was not a one time ‘mistake’. Hell, it wasn’t even a one time ‘bad choice’.
– He is continuing to lie now even though you’ve talked to other women (how is he justifying that one btw? I’m curious?)
Being a military wife takes A LOT of trust in each other, for him to leave his home and wife behind and in return, her to let him go away for months at a time, often with little and sometimes NO contact.
If trust is broken in any relationship, its horrible, but for a military couple, its crippling.
I really do not think I could ever trust him again with this level of rupture in trust. I just couldn’t. Even if I loved him. That is just me, but hell woman… I am SO sorry this friggen asshole did this too you.
Post # 16
i am so sorry you are going through this. this is awful. HUGS i dont mean to be inconsiderate…but this guy is a jack ass. he is a loser and a slut. there is no hope for this guy. he has cheated on you from day one up until after the birth of your daughter and also 6 months before your wedding? he has no heart and does not deserve you! i would never be able to trust this man again and it seems that he does not need to be trusted because he will do this again. there is no doubt in my mind that with his behavior…this will continue…even after the wedding.
you need to leave him asap…not only for yourself but for your daughter.