- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
I dont want this, its not what we planned
I dont know what to do.
I dont want this, its not what we planned
I dont know what to do.
*hugs* how does the father feel about this
I’m sorry *hugs* 🙁
What are your options at this point?
@FutureMrsRoos: massive hugs!
care to elaborate? is it going to throw MAJOR things off course (like school, or a career) or just not ideal (like having a baby before marriage, if you don’t like that kind of thing)?
There are some amazing bees to help regardless of what you decide to do. And don’t let anyone from the internets make you feel bad about feeling this way!!!
Is it a timing issue? Could you move your wedding up or back?
My fiance says this is the most exciting thing thats ever happened to him.
I feel like a terrible person beause i do want kids just not right now! im only 23 and really really wanted to be married and have much less debt before having a baby.
This is just not what I wanted right now and I feel like he will resent me if I want to get an abortion
Oh no! poor you! I can’t imagine anything worse than an unplanned pregnancy.
Don’t make any decisions yet. Calm down, relax, have a bath or something, and talk it through with your other half.
People are going to oppose you whatever you do, so don’t worry about that, do what’s right for you. Go with your gut, you know what it is you need, and you might find a baby is just that, or not.
Either way, I assure you, you will be fine in the long run. Trust me, you CAN cope with this.
Not to mention i dont think we make enough money to carry our mortgage without my job as i make waaayyy more money than my FI
I am sorry. You DO have options here. The pregnancy may be unplanned but that does not mean you have no choice anymore.
My thoughts are with you. I know how terrible this can feel.
You can work and have a little one. I have a 9 year old she was unplanned and I had her at 22. I married her father, that didnt work out but she’s been the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m 31 now I’ll graduate college in about 15 months, and I’m marrying my best friend in a year :). I’ve gone through debt etc, worked while having her, and she’s made my life so much better. She’s made me a stronger better person too. I know it is scary but you can do this. Just breathe for now, its overwhelming but I think you and your fiance will be ok.
I got pregnant at 28, only a few months into my now fiance’s relationship, and flipped out, so I can imagine that being so young, but having a plan, you would be upset.
He says he is thrilled, which is a GOOD thing, even if you aren’t completely on board. Obviously, you are considering an abortion, and if that’s what you want then you need to talk to hiim about it ASAP. What will you do if he is totally against it? Had my fiance not been as supportive and loving as he was about the situation, I probably would have tried to come up with the money to have one, but he let me know that if I did, he would be gone. So you have to be prepared for that, as well.
Is just a money thing? I don’t know how anyone can be prepared for the cost…debt or not. I had debt. Fiance had debt. We have more debt b/c of the baby…but we’re making it work, even though he has been in and out of work since she was born. Some days are hard, but overall, we’re happy and doing fine financially. It can be stressful, but as long as you are aware of what is happening with your finances, and don’t let it get you down all the time, it shouldn’t be so bad.
You don’t have to stop working. What do you do? What does he do? Can either one of you find a way to ‘move up’ in your career/job?
Sit down and have a long talk, which I’m sure you’re already planning on doing. Don’t make any decisions unitl you both express your feelings and come up with a few different plans for how you may be able to afford it. Babies are expensive, but there are ways to make them less so!
I don’t know… I would hate to be brough into the world with an unhappy mom who didn’t want me. I guess I sort of was, and I’ve been motherless for a long time. I’m not saying I wish I had never been born, but it’s not been easy.
If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. I don’t condone abortion as a method of birth control — but it’s there as an option. If it’s early enough, it should be relatively easy from what I know. Don’t feel bad for feeling this way, it can happen to anyone.
Wish you all the best.
@FutureMrsRoos: I wish I could give you a big hug right now! Take some deep breaths, read a book or do something else relaxing, and maybe have a big mug of tea or hot cocoa (hot drinks always make me feel better).
My first piece of advice is this: Sit quietly by yourself and really think hard about what it is you want and how a baby would affect that. You mentioned how your job is necessary for paying the mortgage; would you want (or be able) to put the baby into daycare or have a relative (like your fiance) take care of the baby while you’re at work? I’m not Canadian, but I’ve heard you guys have awesome healthcare, so think about Insurance and how a baby could impact that, as well as maternity leave and whether it would be paid. Also think about when you originally planned to have a child and why you wanted to wait until then (it could help give you some insight and direction on the right choice for you).
Don’t just think about the negative impact though; think about all the positives too. That way you get a real and good idea of what having a child will be like. I’m sure there are support groups or books you can read that will help you get a better sense of what being a parent is like, so maybe you could check those out too.
Second: When you feel calm and collected enough, sit down and talk it through with your fiance. It won’t be an easy conversation to have, no matter what you wind up deciding. However, you are in a loving relationship and that baby is half him. I feel like he should get a chance to tell you what he thinks about the situation. You don’t need to talk about abortion specifically (there are a lot of options open to you guys at the moment); just tell him how scared and upset you are and that this isn’t what you wanted at the moment. Be open and honest and try to be calm.
Third: Whatever decision you wind up making, do not let anyone make you feel bad for it. You and your fiance are the ones who will have to raise the baby, so no one else gets a say.
Keep your head up and be brave! Your fiance sounds like a sweetheart. I’ll have my fingers crossed that you guys reach a decision that works for both of you!
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