Post # 1
I’m a long time lurker first time poster. I’m not really sure where to start, I just feel like a big ball of confusion right now. My fiancé and I are getting married Oct 4th. We’ve been together for 5 years and engaged for a year. We just moved back to our hometown a month ago and with moving stress and wedding stress the furthest thing from my mind was that we could be pregnant. My period is 5 days late and I finally decided to take a home test tonight, after three of the longest minutes of my life the word yes with a plus sign popped up. I was in complete and udder shock. My fiancé was as well. We both really want children but never imagined this happening a month and a half before our wedding. We both have good careers and financially raising a child would not be an issue. I guess I just don’t know what to do or how to feel. Part of me thinks that we should have the baby and another part of me thinks that it’s the wrong time. I’m sitting here just numb to the whole idea, I always imagined what it would feel like when discovering that we were pregnant and this is not how it felt. We are making an appointment first thing in the morning to confirm the test. I’m wondering if anyone else has gone through this and if they can offer some advice. I’m shocked and feeling a bit overwhelmed by this whole thing. Thanks in advance for all the advice.
Post # 2
I have not been through this myself, but based on posts from this site alone, as well as other places, this isn’t really uncommon.
I have a question that might seem odd, but it’s important and I think you should really think about this: if now isn’t the right time, when will be the right time?
You’re getting married in less than two months, you and your fiancée love each other, are financially stable, are most likely completely capable of learning how to care for a child, and both of you have the ability to truly love the child…
In light of all of that, even though some of those points are assumptions on my part, why do you and your fiancée think this isn’t the right time?
Are the reasons for not being ready for this pregnancy and child emotional more than anything else?
Post # 3
bables14: Why is it the wrong time? When would be the right time?
I completely understand the shock. Considering my now DH and I got engaged on my birthday in Oct, and come to find out in April of that year I was almost 12 weeks pregnant and we were getting married in June. I was almost 22 weeks along when we got married. But in the end it was so worth it. We have an almost 3 year old that we can’t imagine life without him now.
Take time and think about it, don’t do anything rash.
Post # 4
Date twin! I can’t believe its so close! I am not a mother but I am sure most of the time it’s never the “perfect” time for a baby, but that is life. This is actually more common than you would think based on hearing from friends and family and the wedding bee. I wish you nothing but the best in whatever you decide. 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2015 - Antique Rose Emporium
It didn’t happen when or how you wanted it to, but you did babies eventually, and life has a way of not caring what your plans are. Lol. This is your new reality…sure the wedding will be a little different than planned, You wont be able to drink champagne, but on the plus side your dress should still fit in 47 days. It is a shocker but I do wish you the best!
Post # 6
If everyone waited for the “right” time for a baby, many of us wouldn’t be here. lol. I don’t know if anyone is really ever “ready”.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017
I bet when you both get over the shock, this will turn out to be the most amazing surprise!! You both sound in the right place to bring a baby into the world, and even if it’s not according to your timeline. Hopefully it’ll sink in after your appointment. Good luck and congratulations!
Post # 8
bables14: I am in this exact situation, my wedding is in 74 days and i found out i was pregnant last week, still in shock about it actually.
Well You are in a better situation than i am, i was just about to go back to university as i have finally decided what i want to be when i grow up haha (i’m 29) My FI has also gone back to uni he will be doing his second year this year and he is working part time, and my landlord is selling the flat we live in so we have to move.
So although you think the timing is wrong you are lucky to be in the situation you are in, i really wanted to wait till the time was right (dunno when that was going to be as i was told i would never have children) but these things happen for a reason and once you get over the shock which will take a while you will be able to see it as a blessing, and luckily you wont have a bump in your dress, i’m having to buy a new one haha
Post # 9
The wedding seems to me like a perfect time to announce to everyone that you’re pregnant! Just pop it on to the end of your speech :p
As for it ‘not being the right time’, a wise woman once told me there never is a right time. You’ll just be starting your little family a bit earlier perhaps then you wanted to.
Try not to stress too much! You’ll be absolutely fine 🙂
Post # 10
- Wedding: Train station ceremony / Hilton reception
It is SO important that someone tells you abortion is a completely viable option here.
Babies are SO stressful and SO much work. Pregnancy can have so much heart ache and suffering. I’m just answering the question as though it were me…. personally I would not want to start a marriage right off the bat with a pregnancy. You want time to enjoy life and enjoy your new husband without waking up and realizing there’s fecal matter in your hair and you havn’t slept in 3 days.
Of course it’s up to you and what you want. But do not let anyone tell you abortion is not an option. Message me if you need someone to talk to or support.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2015 - The Biltmore Ballrooms
I think it would be early enough in your pregnancy that you wont gain much weight by then… only diff would be you couldnt drink at the wedding.
Please dont end the pregnancy :/
Post # 12
nobody can tell you “its all good”, its really what makes the most sense for your life. i’m pro-choice and am TTC currently but can tell you, the RIGHT choice, will be whats right for you. not what others want. talking with FH will help a lot and let you both have a voice and know what road to take. you’ve got support here.
true, nobody is ever “ready”
true, abortion is a very real and legit option
true, babies are also pretty adorable and grow up to say i love you
true, babies are a lot of work and they stink quite often
true, life throws us for a loop sometimes and its not always “fair”
most true, you will handle it well and talk with FH and make the best decision for you both
Post # 13
To the OP, talk to your fiance, and make the best decision for the both of you. Don’t base your decision on posts or advice in this forum. Take them as support, but not to sway your decision.
To other PPs in the thread, I don’t think it’s fair to write things like “Please don’t end the pregnancy :/” It’s one thing to offer support, or guidance from experience, but it’s not fair to pass judgement like that.
Post # 14
Take some deep breaths. Sit with this knowledge. Talk to your FI about what you want to do. You can have a baby sooner than you initially imagined, and everything will be okay. Or you can not have a baby. It’s your decision, and you’re the only person who knows what the best choice for you is. Listen to yourself and your inner voice, not to a bunch of strangers on a website, no matter how well intentioned they may be. I’m thinking good thoughts for you.
Post # 15
NigerianHair: I think it’s entirely unfair to beg the OP to do something that doesn’t affect you. Whether or not she keeps the baby is A: Not your business. B: Not your choice. C: Not your responsibility.<br /><br />It’s cruel to emotionally manipulate someone who may not be ready for a child just because abortion or adoption doesn’t fall within your narrow scope of “What’s okay.”<br /><br />I suggest deleting the last part of your comment. It’s very unfair to the OP and reflects poorly upon you.