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I just thought I would turn to the boards for support. I just found out my fiance of 6 years has been carrying on another relationship . . . and the girl is pregnant. I saw his emails to her and confronted him. In the emails he told her that he loved her, wanted to be with her, and that he was planning a life with her. I am absolutely disgusted.
He went out of town with her when he told me he was going away for business, paid for her plane ticket, and even took her around town behind my back. The most recent email that he sent her is below:
Love, I just wanted to write you and say that the last months of my life have been amazing because of you. You have brought something totally new to my life. i appreciate your patience but the truth everything I am doing right now is so that we have unlimited options later. I think we will have an amazing life together and I feel fortunate that you are going to be a part of my life. I hope we can make it through this rough patch because I think we were meant to be together.
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! How awful! You must be in shock...
Hugs!!!!!!!!! OMG the biggest hugs!!! I'm so sorry. I know you will hear this a lot but you are so much better off!!!!!
I am so sorry that this happened at all, but happy that it happened now, rather than after the wedding. Good luck with everything and know that you are a resilient, beautiful woman that is better off without the loser. I feel sorry for the other woman quite honestly.
He sounds like a sociopath. I am so, so sorry you're going through this, but count your blessings that you've learned about this before you actually married him! It doesn't give you back the six years you spent on him, but it keeps you from wasting more time!
oh Cali :(
I am so sorry ....... (((((HUGS)))))
Is he out of the house? If not, you need to kick him to the curb immediately so you can figure out how you want to proceed. :(
ditto spaniel - i'm so sorry that you have to go through this but girl, you are so much better off!
First of all HUGS!!! I'm so sorry that you found out that way but I'm not sorry that you found out. I don't know you but no one deserves that and don't you say you wasted 6 years on him. He wasted 6 years, you just gained the rest of your life back.
(((HUGS))) That is beyond reprehensible. I can only imagine what you must be going through but if I could suggest one thing it would be to sever all ties with this man (if he can even be called a man) and take some "me" time. I'd hate to see you start turning this around on yourself and ask what YOU did wrong. You did nothing wrong. He's a two-timing p.o.s. and you are better off without him.
(((MORE HUGS)))
Oh poor thing- I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Be strong and remember that you deserve so much better. hugs.
I'm so sorry, but I'm glad that you found out before the marriage as well. It's a shame, especially this time of year. Just know that we are here for support and will keep you in prayer. You will make it through this. ((HUGS))
This is a horrible thing to have happen - I am so sorry! Like the other girls said, I am glad you found out before getting married - he clearly has major issues and you are so much better off now that you're out of it. Good luck moving on to a new and happier stage of your life!
Number 1 - thank goodness you found out now. I have had a ridiculous amount of "Are you f'ing kidding me" moments in my life, and I can 110% ASSURE you that this happened for a reason and that the next man will be more than worth the pain and shock you have to deal with right now.
When something traumatic happens it is easy to fall into the "feel good" oxytocin-producing actions - such as taking him back. Not only do I think you should calmly and cooly walk away and cut your losses, I also think it would be in your best interest to deal with this psychologically by seeking a counseling service. You're about to go through many different stages of grief.
He got busted. He lived a lie with both of you.
Oh. My. God! I would be LIVID if I was you! I just can not believe the never of some people, cheating in my book is the lowest of low!!! Sending so many many (((HUGS))) your way! Like everyone else, I am at least glad you found out he's a dirtbag before the wedding.
HUGS! I'm so sorry. At least you found out before the wedding. You just got back the rest of your life!
I agree with Spaniel. At least you didn't marry this absolute loser. I cannot even begin to fathom what you must be going through. I can't believe jerks like this exist out there. ARGH. I'm so angry for you! At least you have the hive. We'll never treat you wrong! *hugs*
i'm just so sorry.
there's no excuse, i don't care WHAT he SAYS he's trying to do. that's just WRONG of him and it's not your fault no matter what!!!!
Oh Wow... I am so sorry you are going through this! He is a dog and I hope he has to wallow in his own misery due to this.
You deserve better!
We're here for you.
I know the other bees are saying the exact same thing hon but I really send my heart to you that horrible. I was cheated on once and I know its a pain that is deep. I cant imagine after that kind of commitment what you must be going through! At least you are finding out prior to the wedding, I know it doesn't make you feel any better and we are all here for you!! We send big big hugs your way! So so sorry sweetie!!!!
You dodged a bullet. During dark moments, find consolement in the fact that you found out after 6 years and not 20. I'm so sorry, guys can be serious scum sometimes.
Thanks for the support - I knew that I could count on you all. I am so tempted to pull an Angela Bassett and take his stuff out to the street and burn it all! However, I won't do that b/c I know that it will only feel good for a moment.
I spoke to the other girl and she had no idea about me. I believe her. In his emails he told her that he loved her and that he would go to the ob gyn with her and even pay for it. He is such an idiot. She says that he wants her to get an abortion, but she is Catholic and doesn't want to. What a waste. She said that he wanted to have her move into an apartment that he owns so I have every reason to believe that he would have kept things going even after our May wedding.
Plus, she said that he told her he "hooked up" with a girl before her, but that it was nothing. So, apparently he has been spreading himself around for a long time. Oh, and she also told me that she had a miscarriage a few months ago and that he was very supportive, etc. I spoke to his parents and they asked if I had any reason to think that she was lying and I said no - emails don't lie. I included a few more emails below that he sent in November while I was spending time with my family for the holidays. They don't lie!
What is wrong with him? He told her the same things that he told me - all while we were still planning to marry in May. I JUST PICKED OUT MY INVITATIONS YESTERDAY AND HE TOLD ME THEY WERE PERFECT FOR OUR WEDDING AND THAT HE COULD NOT WAIT TO MARRY ME!
Can't wait to see u tomorrow big head. I love u many kisses!
Guess what!! Now getting emails on my phone!! Can't talk on it though. I love u little lady. U rock my world and I can't wait to get home and see you! I love ya sooooo much sweetheart.
OMG! I am so sorry to hear this! My heart goes out to you! Although there may not seem like a bright side to this right now, at least you found out about this before you guys got married. You deserve better and someone who is truly worthy will come along one day. Just take this time to heal.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I know the shock and pain well. My now ex-significant other of 20 years (yes, you read that right) dumped me for a bar skank (and I am being polite here) AND couldn't understand why I had a problem supporting his dumb butt WHILE continuing to see her virtually every night of the week. This just a few years after the unexpected death of my only child. I went through about 18 months of pure hell. First I foolishly still wanted him and tried to talk to him; I mean after all I spent the majority of my adult life with him! Then I spent about a year trying to get him out of my home, as he CONTINUED to see his girlfriend. I was totally miserable.
The story had a happy ending though. I started forcing myself to go out socially - music festivals, arts and crafts shows, Native American festivals and the like. And I met a wonderful man who treated me with love and respect and I am now happily married to this man.
The point is that while the relationship may be over, YOU have many many wonderful things ahead of you. Take care of yourself and believe in your strength to get through this.
I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I know from experience this is not an easy time. I will echo the others when they say that you really ARE so much better off even though it won't feel like it right now and probably for a while. I too, would cut all ties and change living arrangement ASAP.
What did she say have to say for herself when you spoke to her?
also arent you glad you arent the one who is pregnant with his baby! she might need some support, it sounds like she had no idea either so maybe you could go throught this together. I'd sell his stuff on craigslist and give the money to the baby. But I am not necessarily a good example. I hope this gets better for you!
Wow. This guy is truly pathological. I can't believe she didn't even know about you! That makes me feel bad for her as well, honestly. This guy is toxic. He's been leading two lives and it's all about to come crashing down on his head. You can take some comfort in that, at least. (((EVEN MORE HUGS)))
Oh my goodness. This is just beyond the pale. Many hugs to you. I hope you can get rid of this loser as quickly as possible. Take care of yourself!
Wow, I am so sorry. Please do not blame yourself for not seeing this. Who could have predicted such disregard for other people while he appeared to be a caring, loving person. I'm so sorry he found you. All I can say is there are some bees on here who have written about losing a loser and their life becomes drastically better. I hope this is the case for you.
Caliwed, this sounds so horrible, and I feel for you immensely. I know it is probably impossibly hard right now to process everything that is going on, but you are still so lucky that you found out about this before you married the guy. It sounds like you really have your head on your shoulders. I don't know that I would in your situation, so good for you. Know that you have a lot of people rooting for you, and even though we have never met you face-to-face, we are always here for support!
@2010bridetobee: She was shocked. I could tell. She did not know about me. She sent me the emails. I had already seen them, but she was pretty honest. She told me about the trips and times he spent with her. Apparently he was going back and forth since August. She told me that he pursued her. I don't have any reason to think that she was lying b/c if a guy told you he loved you and wanted to be with you - wouldn't you believe it? I think she was duped as well. She said she had some moments when she doubted what he said, but that he always had an explanation.
I spent time with family and worked out of town so I had no idea what was going on. The sad thing is that she is pregnant. I think she wants to keep the baby even though he wants her to have an abortion. She had been very forthright with me and does not seem to be malicious or anything. I think she loved him and wanted to believe that he loved her as well. He seemed to really share his life with her b/c he told her about his biz plans, his plans to move out of town, his desire to travel abroad, etc. These were the things that we were planning to do so what she is saying is consistent. Also, he told her a lot of what was going on in his life and it matches up with what was really going on. The thing that disgusts me is that he was telling me one thing and yet while he was supposedly "working" out of town, he was with her.
The only thing that makes me feel better is that I told him that I wanted to wait to have sex after we married. So, there is no way that I am pregnant and no way that he gave me anything sexually. For a split second I regretted my decision, but I realize now that it was the best thing b/c sleeping with him would not have guaranteed his faithfulness.
I have to be honest I am so embarrased b/c everyone knew we were getting married. We just had our engagement party in September and after being with him for 6 years, I am so embarassed. I keep telling myself I did nothing wrong and that I should not have to lie to other people about what happened. Besides, if he has a kid in this small town and considering that he is well known - it will get out.
I am so sorry girl. Run as far away as you can and count your blessings that you didn't marry him! I hope that you can move on and find someone who loves you and doesn't feel the need to be in two relationships at once.
Don't be embarassed! He's the one that should be embarrassed. Kick his butt to the curb and hold your head up high because you have pride and won't tolerate being treated this way. Trust me HE will look like the idiot. Who cares what anyone else thinks anyway, tell them to marry him if they have something to say.
I think you might be surprised at how much empathy people will have, especially those close to you. Just keep yourself classy in the midst of his craziness, which is so hard when dealing with @$$holes but people will see him for what he is, you shouldn't have to lie to protect him.
Definitely an awful, awful situation. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Like the other ladies said above it's better to find out now than to find out down the road afer you are married. Remember, we're all still here for you! ::HUGS!::
Thank GOD you did not marry that jack a**. Seriously, that is beyond horrible, I am so sorry. Don't fret about the time wasted on him, it wasn't your fault he didn't turn out to be the person you believed he was. You have had your eyes opened before you married the guy, which makes breaking up a whole lot easier at least logistically. I'm so so so unbelievably sorry for your pain. I would kick him in the junk if I knew him, for you! :(
I am so sorry for you and I agree with all of the previous posters. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders though, so I am sure you will get through this and find much more happiness when you are ready.
I know you feel embarassed about this, but the egg is on his face, not on yours. Continue to hold yourself high and you will reap the rewards. You did absolutely nothing wrong were very wise to wait until after marraige to get more intimate with him.
Just horrible, my heart goes out to you. Please don't blame yourself for ANYTHING.
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