Post # 1
My fiance and I are planning our October 25, 2014 wedding. This is a large wedding and we have already put a lot of money down. Our parents are paying for most of the day.
I took a pregnancy test on Friday and it was positive. My estimated due date per online calculator is July 12, 2014.
I am 22, just graduated college and am working as a registered nurse. My fiance is 25 and in chiropractic school and will graduate in October 2015.
This is not at all a planned pregnancy. I am terrified. We have thought about abortion but don’t know if we could go through with it. I don’t want a baby now. We have nothing in savings and we live in seperate states. I am so upset and don’t know what to do.
Looking for some words of wisdom from bees.
Post # 3
Have you thought about adoption?
As for money – When you need to make things work, there is always a way.
I wouldn’t let the wedding sway your decision at all – A wedding is one day, a baby is a lifetime.. Give yourself some time to process before you rush in to anything or tell family/friends – they will just confuse you more with advice.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry about this unplanned pregnancy. First, I would see a doctor to make sure it’s not a false positive or a chemical pregnancy.
If you kept the baby, do you think you could get financial support from either of your families for a little bit until you two got a bit more settled?
If your parents are paying for most of the wedding, I don’t think having the baby beforehand is a problem. The baby will be 3 months old by then and someone can be watching him/her (or hire a babysitter to come watch the baby at the wedding or at home). 3 months is plenty of time to get your dress altered, too – so I don’t think that’s an issue.
I’m not one who is opposed to abortions, so if that’s something that the two of you decide on and agree on, I wish you the best of luck with that.
I would just pick the thing you think you would regret the least later. Babies are expensive and stressful, but would you feel like you made a mistake if you get an abortion? I wouldn’t want you to look back and regret anything.
Sorry this is a decision you have to make, best of luck. I hope the bees are nice to you and don’t flame you for considering an abortion (some might..)
Post # 5
also, it’s always helped me to make lists… Pros and cons, if you will. It sounds a little cold, but I think that if you’re really honest with yourselves, it will help you figure out the best course of action.
And, whatever course you decide, I wish you both all the love and happiness in the world.
Post # 6
I would just feel guilty having this huge wedding with a baby to raise. All that money should go to the baby, not to one night for us.
I don’t know what I would regret the least. Neither sound like a good option right now.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2014 - White Point Garden, Charleston, SC
Obviously you need to do what you feel is right for you right now. I wish you luck and will keep you in my thoughts.
I don’t feel it’s my place to give you my opinion because I’m not you, but I really hope you and your FI come to a decision that works best for you.
Post # 8
@pierce8: Watch an episode of 16 and Pregnant…if those idiots can do it so can you. I’m sorry that sounds just awful, but that’s what I think when I am debating whether or not DH and I are ready for a baby. It’s not the best situation, but if the main reasons are money and living in different states, you can make this work.
Do you have family that can help?
Post # 9
I’m sorry this is happening to you. First I would go to the doctor or Planned Parenthood to confirm you’re actually pregnant.
Then talk it out like other PPs said. I know Planned Parenthood will talk to you about your options for keeping the child, adoption and abortion. Only you and your FI know your situation.
Post # 10
Get as much support as you can from your family, you can always scale down the wedding, but I think you can raise a baby AND have the wedding of your dreams 🙂 Good luck!
ETA: I agree with PPs, go to the doctor to confirm that you are in fact pregnant.
Post # 11
Yes we do have family that can help. FI’s family had his older brother when they were 18 and 17 so they’ve been here, done this in even worse conditions than us. They’re very supportive. My parents had me when they were 30 and 36. Totally different ends of the spectrum. My dad doesn’t know yet and my mom isn’t happy with us.
I feel like we would be missing out on being young adults and our lives as newlyweds. I feel like I would resent not having all of this.
Post # 12
I just don’t see how I wouldn’t be pregnant…positive test not even at the date my period was due. Sounds pretty pregnant to me!
What exactly is a chemical preg?
Post # 13
If I was in your position, I’d wait a couple of weeks and see where things stand. Early miscarriage rates are really high (especially for first pregnancies), so you may not even be pregnant tomorrow, or in a month. I don’t mean that to be heartless or callous in the least, more that I would encourage you not to make any big decisions just yet.
Are any of your deposits potentially refundable? Or could the deposits be moved to a different date?
Post # 14
@pierce8: DH and I are in no way ready for a baby right now. We have both agreed that we want a minimum of at least 2 years before trying to get pregnant, and that’s only if we are financially sound. We are newly married and are still paying off old debt and trying to get out of the “living paycheck to paycheck” stage, which should happen as long as we pay our debt and don’t create anything new. This is not even to mention our desire for time as husband and wife before we try at being parents. DH is 30 but I am only 23 and still getting used to being a wife!
That being said, if we got pregnant tomorrow, we would be upset at first and beyond stressed…but I think we’d make the best of it and have the baby. I am pro-choice and have always supported a woman’s right to choose abortion. However, if it happened to US, I don’t think I could make that decision for OUR baby. Would being pregnant change everything about how we’ve planned our future? Absolutely. But I know that in the end, we would love our baby and all would work out. I don’t know that I could have an abortion and move on without being completely devastated and regretting it.
I urge you to take a few days, let your emotions settle and really think about this past the short term effects. A baby would change everything for you and FI, but do you want the regret of an abortion potentially clouding your new marriage? I don’t say that to push you either way, but just something to really consider. Good luck <3
Post # 15
@pierce8: I hate to sound like that person, but if I were in your shoes, I’d get an abortion. Like you, my FI lives in another state and is still in school. I also have always wanted to have “us” time before we brought any children into the mix. I work full time, but I know that I wouldn’t be able to support a family on what I make (especially in Chicago!). I definitely encourage you to think about what would be feasible for you and your Fiance. Not what would be best for your family. Not what random internet strangers urge you to do. But what would work for you and your place in life right now. Whatever choice that you make won’t be an easy one and I wish you luck.
Post # 16
@pierce8: Since you haven’t even missed your period yet, you can take the abortion pill and it will terminate the pregnancy, it’s really easy. That said, if it were me and I wasn’t sure about the abortion, I wouldn’t do it. I personally would not have the big wedding either but that’s just me.