- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
i’m a mess.. my SO and i have been together for 2 years now. we are both in our mid-to-late 30’s, divorced, and have children from our previous marriages. the first year we dated was pretty awesome with the exception of intrusions here and there from his ex-wife. it was one drama after another for a while, but we made it through and eventually things calmed down. A few months after the 1 year mark, i began asking quetions about our future and where we were headed. his reply was “I don’t know, we’re just having fun.” so i decided to end it with him and explained that wouldn’t work for me and that i needed the assurance that we were working towards a goal, a marriage, a future together, and if he was still just having fun at this point, i needed to be on my way. he was devestated. he cried, called, waited on my doorstep when i went out with friends ( he lives down the street). when he fould out i had gone on a date with someone else, he was even more upset, but as i explained i was looking for a long term relationship and wanted to date men who were on board with that idea. a few weeks passed and i received a phone call from him asking me out to dinner to discuss things. i agreed and he stated he could see clearly that i was what he wanted, he had no more fear (that his children would be angry or upset with him for being in a serious relationiship after the divorce), and that he wanted to marry me! i hadn’t received a ring yet, but we set a date, started going and looking at venues together, pricing caterers, shopping for rings, talking about which minister would marry us, etc….. and then it stopped.
The planning lasted for about 6 months before, he stopped wanting to discuss it, kept putting off decisions, always had to get off the phone when it came up in conversation, and then wasn’t meeting deadlines as far as putting money down. i know that money isn’t the issue since he keeps telling me he has never made this much money before in his career and how great his paychecks have been. when i bring up any comments about it looking like we aren’t getting married this year, he ignores it.
i finally had a breakdown this past weekend when he mentioned that his best friend and his Girlfriend got engaged. he said he’s sorry he doesn’t move at the same speed as his friend, and sorry he’s disappointing me, and gave more excuses about why is isn’t happening now – worried about the kids (he’s been divorced a few years), worried about money (he’s making way into the 6 figures), we need to talk more about where we are going to live, what schools the kids will go to, etc i agree we need to iron all the details out but why wait on the engagement for that. He continues to say that as long as we both know we want to be married, why do we need a timeline?
i finally told him this morning that i need to know for my own personal sanity that we will get married next year. any one of the 365 days in 2014 will do. i don’t care about a big wedding, i don’t care about a big ring (i’d settle for a piece of twine at this point), i just want to get started living our lives together. he replied that i am putting “conditions” on our love, and true love doesn’t threaten to leave if someone doesn’t “perform” for the other one. i said i’m sorry and thats not what its about, but i do need a confirmation of some sort that it will happen next year. he’s not saying much to me about it. we ended the conversation with “we’ll talk about it later”…
i absolutely adore him; he is kind, affectionate, a great dad and i don’t want it to end, but the waiting with no direction of a possible time frame is too much for me. i’m not 22 anymore, i have 3 kids, and i want to get on with my life. i really hope its with him.