(Closed) just got a late RSVP – guest is telling me where to seat him

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@nyscpa2be:  Gah, that is frustrating! If you require special accomodations, WHY would you RSVP late?!

Sorry for the frustration, but I’m sure it will all work out, it somehow always does!

Is there a way you can seat him towards the back for the ceremony? It may seem rude, but if there really isn’t another place to put him, and your aunt and uncle have the two designated spots for wheel chairs, it may just be the way it has to be. You can explain it to him or his sister that it isn’t a form of ‘punishment’, it’s just a limitation of the space.

Don’t stress about it too much! Just keep your eyes on the prize. 🙂

Post # 4
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

He’ll get over whatever you chose to do with him.  Its your big day, hes just a spectator and a rude and inconsiderate one at that.  Forget about him and enjoy yourself, this is a once in a lifetime experience (hopefully); dont let him fluster you.  

Post # 5
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

While you obviously have to make accomodations for his disabilities you do not need to make accomodations for who he wants to sit with. Unless you want to. But I’m sure he’ll be fine no matter who he eats with.

Post # 6
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m going to disagree with PP here; the guest’s handicap pretty much dictates that he should be seated with his sister.  You can’t reasonably expect another guest, probably a stranger, to provide any assistance to the handicapped guest during meal time (even if most folks tend to be nice and help others when they are asked).  It’s not fair to the handicapped guest, and it’s not fair to the other guests.  Unless you are absolutely certain on the extent of his handicap and what kinds of assistance he needs, don’t assume he can just sit wherever. That assistance may not be for knife-and-fork eating; it may be for restroom visits, parking the wheelchair, or navigating a crowded room full of people.

It sucks that the RSVP came so late but it could be due to so many circumstances that it’s just not worth taking offense over.  I know it sucks to have last-minute tasks but it kind of has to be done, so OP, chin up, you’ll find a way to make it work.

As for the church, I’d give them a call first, as chances are they’ve had events with more than two wheelchairs before. They probably have a system in place and know what to do. Then communicate the plan to the sister, with a gentle wording like “I’m so happy they could accomodate everyone on such short notice!”  which shows that you’ve tried to take care of everyone (i.e. it’s not a punishment if the handicapped guest has to sit in the back) but reinforces that the late RSVP made for some challenges.

Post # 7
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I’m sorry that you’re going through this at the last minute!  I’m sure you’re kicking yourself for not checking in with him before finalizing your guest count! I agree that you should contact the church – I would bet they can offer a solution, even if it requires your ushers assisting a guest into a pew. You’ll figure out a solution, I’m sure, and it will be a wonderful day.

I’m a little confused about the tables…do they only seat 9?  Or is the issue that 10 folks won’t fit at a table if one of them is in a wheel chair?  If it were me at the table, I’d gladly snuggle up to the people next to me to accomodate someone with a disability.

Post # 8
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

how many people will each table seat comfortably?  i got tables for 12 but only put 10 people at each so i had a little wiggle room to add up to two more people at each table. 

i’m sorry.  it is frustrating.  i couldn’t start my seating charts until about a week and a half after the rsvp deadline because some people mailed them on the deadline and other texted me their rsvps. i had to change tables up until 5 days before the wedding after which i simply said it was beyond my control and had a friend handle people who showed up at the last minute so i had her seat people where other no shows  were seated.

i just found out that someone i had to seat three days before the wedding decided he wanted to sit at another table so my aunt had to move (separate herself from uncle). people are rude.



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