- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
My Fiance and I got engaged last July. We planned to have our wedding this weekend that just passed – May 19th. We had a venue selected, we were talking to photographers, I have a dress… then his brother announced he would be working overseas on that date. At the time Fiance wanted his brother to be his best man, so we let all the vendors know that things were changing and we would contact them as soon as they were concrete again. I spent the next 3 months trying to get ANYONE to figure out when Future Brother-In-Law would be stateside again – but he couldn’t be bothered to answer questions, and then he quit his job.
Fiance was mad – and he blamed the short-sighted behavior on the girlfriend. I tried to stay out of it, though I didn’t particularly like her either when we met… she did treat Future Brother-In-Law like a child and was pretty rude to both Fiance and to me.
Then I lost my job. So planning was further delayed. (Yes, our choice, again; it seemed responsible.)
Since then (January) there’s been a big falling out between the two brothers. It’s been a long time coming, but Future Brother-In-Law got a lawyer involved and that was the final straw for Fiance. FI has reached the point where Future Brother-In-Law isn’t invited to our wedding. And if he shows up there will be a scene. I keep trying to tell him that this isn’t acceptable, but he’s furious.
And our wedding is not getting planned – at all. Neither of us can really face the thought of a family event with a brother banned from the festivities. In addition there have been major health issues in my family – an aunt with breast cancer, my father had a cancerous kidney removed, my grandmother died on Mother’s Day…. And through it all people keep asking why we haven’t sent out invitations. I want to scream. And then sob.
Fiance & I originally delayed our plans to accommodate the Future Brother-In-Law… and now he’s made such a rift in the relationship with my FH. But I could deal with that, it was our decision; we wanted him there. But yesterday we received a Save the Date from Future Brother-In-Law and his questionable girlfriend. They’re planning to marry on September 15, 2012.
As far as I know (and as far as his parents know) this was the first announcement of their engagement. FH has taken the STD as a vengeful/spiteful gesture. He even suggested we plan our wedding for the same day – in our home state. (I quickly vetoed that.)
I was surprised by the announcement. I’m hurt that the two brothers are only communicating through a lawyer, and I’m confused as to why FBIL’s Fiance sent us a STD when she knew of the tension – and knows full well that she’s blamed for the situation. (At least at our house.) I’m also exhausted, I don’t want to plan a wedding – the last year has been incredibly painful and not a joyful, fun time.
I love my FH, and every time he hugs me and says “So, you want to marry me, or what?” I smile and know that I absolutely DO want to marry him, but the thought of a wedding completely overwhelms me. While the thought of eloping is delightful, I don’t want to deal with the drama that will be the aftermath. And I think I’d really like to have my Nana there.
Advice? Sympathy? Tough Love? I’ll take any of it!