- 3 years ago
- Wedding: April 2018
…buying a menstrual cup online.
I Want To Die….NOW.
I go home for lunch, its three minutes from the office and I can see my dogs and talk to my husband and not eat drive thru, so its good.
But today was a special day….because of the threads on this very site, I decided to take the plunge and make my own little advance in feminine protection and buy a menstrual cup. Mr. 99 wasn’t supposed to be home, he had called earlier to tell me he was running errands, so it was perfect.
I got home, grabbed some lunch, and was on the sofa with my ipad shopping on Amazon for the Lunette Model 2….but I realize I finished all my water, so I run upstairs for a refill.
Cue Mr. 99….he comes bustling in with some bags from the Home Brew shop and he heads downstairs to put it away in the closet…but then he doesn’t come back upstairs….
I run down there in time to see my husband’s face of abject horror and confusion and he holds the ipad in one hand and points at me…
Mr. 99: Is that thing going to fit in there?
Me: Its supposed to…
Mr. 99: It looks like a funnel.
Me: Well, it isn’t. Its supposed to be better than tampons.
Mr. 99: SO you get it in there…and then what?
Me: You…empty it out…
Mr. 99: How is that better??? You empty it??? WHERE? Not down the sink, right?
Me: Down the toilet you ass!
Mr. 99: And you’re supposed to throw it away after? Its like….$40 bucks!
Me: No…you clean it and re-use it.
Mr. 99: How the fuck do you clean that?
Me: How do you think?
Mr. 99: I don’t wanna think…just tell me you don’t have to soak it like dentures or something.
Me: Don’t be gross!
Mr. 99: And WHY does it come in colors…like your vagina cares?
Me: It might, has anyone bothered to ask what my vagina what its favorite color is?
Mr. 99: I haven’t.
Me: Well…maybe you should think about how that makes my vagina feel.
Mr. 99: And then it can write a monologue about it and this cup or whatever…I’m going upstairs to change, you do what you gotta do here and let us never speak of this again…agreed?
He leaves the room and I’m standing there looking at that little cup when he comes bounding back in..
Mr. 99: Blue.
Mr. 99: I’ve spent a lot of time with your vagina and I think it would like blue….
Mr. 99: But we’re never talking about it again…ok?