Post # 1
I just got engaged! Yahhh! 🙂 Now, I am a very simple type of person and dont like too much fuss with things. His side however is very traditional and goes over the top with everything.
He is getting pressured to have an Engagement party and I really dont think its necessary. I feel that an engagement is a person thing between him and I. I dont mind doing a small thing with our imediate family, but anything more is just too much.
Has anyone gone through this situation as well? would love to hear how I can get around it.
Post # 3
@TraceyStevens: You don’t have to have one. I didn’t and no one made a fuss. If his family is wanting one, then why not have a dinner with just your families? Just make it clear that you don’t want anything big or with anyone other than family.
Post # 4
let me first off stating.. I am the anti bride, but it is not a requirement, I am so sick of what society says WE HAVE TO DO… I say do what reprsents you and your future hubby. We didnt have one… but we did have an informal 4th of July Barbecue where we got both sides of the family together… we mentioned nothing about our engagement.
Post # 5
@TraceyStevens: Are you talking a stuffy engagement party at a fancy schmancy restaurant or hotel? If that’s what his family wants to do, I can see how it might not appeal to you. However, a friend of mine just recently had a backyard bbq themed engagement party, and it was quite nice. Granted they have a huge, amazing yard, but the general feel was very laid back. There were about 50 or 60 people, and everyone just hung out, congratulated the couple, and had a great time. Would you be open to having something kind of laid back like that? If not, I really don’t think engagement parties are necessary.
Post # 6
Umm sorta. He was on my side and thought there wasn’t really a point to a full engagement party (for us) although his parents did mention it at one point.
I was contemplating doing a dinner since our two families never met, but no one officially offered to host a party and we decided that our apartment was too small and a restaurant would be too much money.
If they want to host one, perhaps you could suggest having a dinner with just your immediate families as a compramise.
Post # 7
@creeative1: I thought I was the Anti-bride! No fair!!
Post # 8
We are in the same position exactly! His parents really wanted to have this big fuss and flashy engagement party, that neither of us wanted. He just told his mom it’s not for us but we appreciate the offer to host. I think she’s disappointed but knows this day is not for everyone else, she bugged us a few times but ultimately respected what we felt 🙂
Post # 9
You don’t have to have one at all! But if you’re getting pressure what about having an engagement “celebration dinner?” You could invite your parents and/or siblings to meet and have a bite at a restaurant. Totally low key.
Post # 10
@TraceyStevens: No, most people don’t have one.
Post # 11
@Bubbles42: LOL… there is room for both of us.
Post # 12
If you do decide to have one and you guys are responsible for paying for it, keep it simple because you will be spending money on your wedding…. if your apartment is small, what about a nice park while it is still warm outside, you could do sandwiches or barbecue, after all it’s just about the fellowship.
Post # 13
Also I just have to say in my opinion I feel engagement parties are a tad self absorbed lol. Except in situations where it matters to the family and that’s the only reason the couple does it. I have a bridezilla friend was hinting at me to plan her engagement party right after I got engaged (she got engaged 3 months earlier)… Saying stuff like “I just don’t know how to plan one” … which is bs considering she is planning herself a social to help pay for the wedding (I guess this aid another thing im not into), a week long destination wedding, an at home reception, some other garden party I believe she called it and her honeymoon- which she told me I should not get married in June for because its the only time they can honeymoon and she’s a bridesmaid for me. I really doubt she can’t plan one more event for herself. I told her no I am busy planning my own wedding. Maybe this is why I think engagement parties are self absorbed , She gave me a bitter view on the whole thing haha.
if you chose to do it cause it would make his family happy, kudos to you. But definitely do not feel bad for saying no thanks !
Post # 14
we didn’t have one. i’m sure that his family would have loved to throw one, but we live nowhere close to them.
i don’t feel that it’s a neccessity.
Post # 15
No, You don’t have to have one, in fact I have only ever been invited to one. As a bride if my family wanted to have one, I would have been okay with it. However, I didn’t feel like it necessary from a guest propsective it might be annoying to have to gift for the shower, the wedding, and than again for an engagment party. I think engagement parties would be a better idea if you are planning on a long-term engagement otherwaise to me it just feels greedy like you want more gifts.
Our parents celebrated by having a formal meet the parents dinner.
Our close family and friends who wanted to congratulate us either sent us cards or gifts through the mail. We were definately not expecting them to do so either so it was a nice surprise.
Post # 16
Thank-you all for the quick and great replies. We just want a simple little intimate thing to officially celebrate the engagement. We have seen some that look like an actual wedding. Way too much, too showie. I dont need to show anyone anything. We are really happy and a few drinks with some great food is more than enough to mark the moment. I hope he can withstand the huge pressure from his side of the family. wish me luck….