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wow! lucky! My church said we would have to go through a whole different process if we got married forst and then went to them to legitimize it in the church's eyes. Everytime I want to elope I think, ugh its gonna be so much easier to just get married at church!
I have to do this- how did it work? How did you approach the priest? What was said/done? Did you do it after a mass? Details, please! I know there are other bees that would want to know too :)
congrats! and yes, do share details about how you went about it! :)
@MissTaken: Having your civil marriage blessed is a process officially called a Convalidation. In the ceremony, the priest "validates" your civil marriage to be recognized by the Roman Catholic Church.
Convalidation is not to be considered a replacement for being married in the first place in a Roman Catholic church (and at Mass if both bride and groom are Catholic). This is really a process for those who have strayed from the norm. Usually the church asks that no reception/party take place afterwards since it is a solemn occasion of coming back to the church.
Our priest from my home town (the one I grew up with my entire life) was really relaxed about everything. My parents asked if we could be formally blessed in marriage and he said no problem.
He never called it convalidation, rather he called it a marriage blessing a sort of renewal of vows and used the exact words of the traditional blessing.
I emailed him and set up a time to meet in his office. We brought in our paperwork...ie, baptisim, comunion etc etc and legal marriage certificate. He wrote all the info down and we picked a date for the ceremony. THAT SIMPLE! Nothing else!
We had the ceremony in the chapel rather than the huge church to be more intimate. We exchanged rings, repeated the vows etc and that was it. Maybe took 15-20 minutes? There was no mass, we did this on a Monday night at 6:30 to fit our wicked busy schedule.
He then congratulated us and gave us our Catholic Marriage certificate with January 9th as the date we were married. (No joke, its the real one)
He said he does this all the time for couples. this isn't unusual, and he stated he had just performed a big ceremony for a couple that eloped in vegas, but wanted a ceremony in the church with family and friends.
Not sure if I explained all of this correctly? Let me know if you have any questions. P.S this had nothing to do with "us coming back to the church" as we have no intentions on doing that or even spoke about it with him. All he really needed were our records and thats it to perform the ceremony.
I'm glad things worked out for you, but I'm pretty surprised at how casual your priest is... I don't know if I like it?
As someone planning to get married in a Catholic church, I feel like people would abuse this to have their cake and eat it, too. If you want an elopement or destination wedding then by all means have one, but if you want a Catholic wedding I'm not sure you should be able to have your outdoor wedding and then just dash off a marriage certificate and pretend it's all okay without actually thinking about your views of the sacrament of marriage.
I think convalidation is a good thing because some people stray and return-- but I don't see how someone would have had time to really come back if they planned on doing this before they were even married.
@Luckygir15: Also I'm even more frustrated to see that you said this had nothing to do with "us coming back to the church" as we have no intentions on doing that.
I just feel like you're making light of what some people take very seriously-- though if that's not the case, I don't mean to offend.
@Luckygir15: That's great! I didn't know about this. Congratulations!
@bookworm88: I'm not making light of it, I mean it. My parents are very religous and go to mass every week, lector etc. I was forced to do so growing up and had to be an alter girl.
I don't go to church now and I have no plans on going. My husband is the same way. I'm not making light of it, Im simply telling my story.
My DH and I were raised Catholic, but just don't practice religion at this time in our lives.
We did this because of my parents. It meant something to them, so we did it for them.
The priest is a wicked relaxed guy. I even saw on facebook that he flew down to DC to particiapte in a gay wedding of a fellow high school classmate. (Obviously he wasn't wearing his robes, but it did appear that he had a part in the ceremony.)
Yes, we had our cake and ate it too. And it was very yummy and made my parents very happy in the end.
Congratulations! But I have to second that your priest was very laid back and others should not expect the same treatment at their parishes. My brother and SIL were legally married for a year before their church wedding, but still had to take Pre-Cana classes and the Focus test like everyone else!
Yeah, my hurch would never let us do that without going through the big long ordeal of classes and such...and I go to church every week...for about 12 years now! I volunteer every year for the major fundraisers out in tons of hours but if we got married somewhere else they would make us jump through the hoops. For other bee's, my sister got married at a mass, a regular old mass with tons of strangers there and then got married in a winery. I think this is easier than doing it the other way around.
As for your situation, I think it is a great illustration about how not all priests are strict, mean and some can be laid back. I admit I am a little " she got to do that and doesn't even want to go to church?" But I think it is super great that you did it for your parents. I, personally, would have a VERY hard time not having my marriage recognized by the church but I really hatet that the Catholic church does it that way.
So congrats to you and I am glad it really worked out for your situation. I think you are very lucky ( and I wish I had your priest at my church, but I will be really happy to recieve communion for the first time as husband and wife)
From what I've heard, this isn't really normal. Normally, a blessing of the marriage would be called a "convalidation ceremony," and you'd be required to do all the marriage prep classes for getting married originally in a Catholic church.
As a very proud-to-be Ex-Catholic, I don't really understand why someone should be critical of your decision to "authenticate" your marriage, as far as Catholicism goes. You should be able to "have your cake and eat it to", as another poster said. It's your wedding and if your dream is not within a church, then you should do what makes you most happy... and if it is also important to have it recognized by the church, then again, your decision.
I'm glad that your family priest was lax about this, as I gather if they required to go through the typical hurtles, considering your admitted beliefs, it probably wouldn't be worth it to you. Such as how FI and I feel. While we were both raised Catholic, his family is more practicing than mine and I'm sure, though they'd never admit it, that they would love for us to have a church ceremony. Oh well. I'm not going to profess to believe in the majority of what the Catholic church stands for (among which, is antiquated sexism) if they required me to do so. I am glad it was so easy for you and congrats on six months of marriage!
@fembride045:Thanks, and I totally agree!!! If we had to jump throgh hurtles, we would have never done it.
@fembride045: THIS
As a non-practicing Catholic, I believe that people should be able to get married whereever they desire and then have it recognized by the church. While marriage is a sacrament, I think that it should be okay to get married outside the church and still have it recognized. (But then again, this is just going into my reason for not attending church anymore).
OP-- Congrats on the blessing!
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My DH, myself and both parents just got back from our 15 minute marriage ceremony and my parents Catholic church and the church I grew up with. Our origional wedding was exactly 6 months ago (what a lovely coinsindence) on July 9th, 2011. We had it performed by my DH's aunt and it was beautiful, but my parents insisted we get blessed by a priest....so this is where we ended up.
Yes, it took a while with our incredibly busy full time work schedule along with full time school, but at least we did it!!!!
I just thought I would share with all the fellow Catholics that wondered if it was possible to be "blessed" after the fact...it is!!!!!!