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I am sorry. :( I'm sure it is not because they don't care. Life happens
I agree with @rlsulli1598@verizon.net: at least you know now rather than 2 weeks before the wedding that there bailing. Its a sucky situation but i totally agree that life happens. Its just a small hurdle. Its not like that they dont care... just sometimes life throws you curveballs. You can sit and mope on it which sometimes is good for a time but onwards and upwards girl!!!! onwards and upwards. Im sure your wedding will still be absolutely fabulous regardless :)
I totally understand what you're going through. My matron of honor is also not attending my wedding (this Saturday) due to the proximity of her baby's due date. I cried and fussed about the whole thing for quite a while. It makes me really sad that my best friend in the world will not be with me (I was her maid of honor) on my wedding day but I finally learned to accept it. I know it's hard to look past it right now but you will move on and it will be fine. Your wedding day is going to be amazing anyway 
I JUST came from a friends house who is pregnant. She told me a story that something similar happened that her really good friend, whom was her bridesmaid is now getting married, but her due date is 2 weeks before the wedding. As it's an 10 hour drive, they likley aren't going to go. She said that when she was getting married, if one of her friends did it to her, she wouldn't have understood, but now that she's pregnant she totally gets it! *hugs*
That sucks, but unfortunately it's difficult to ask people to put their lives on hold for your wedding. Especially when it comes to family planning, I think people sometimes definitely have a longstanding idea of how much age difference they want between children, or are nervous that it might be now or never. I get that it's still upsetting to hear that someone can't come through for you.
I am sorry this is happening. I can't say that I am in the same boat, but My Matron of Honor is due the day after my wedding and her husband is our officiant. They both have agreed to "see what happens". I am so very lucky that they would be a part of my special day and even if they are not able to make it, it is the thought that they would stand by me. We have a back up officiant, but had my MOH record her speech just incase she can't be there.
I hope in the end you will be able to enjoy your day.
I was in a similar situation, with one of my 'friends' having a baby about 4 months before the wedding. I guilted her into coming and now wish I hadn't, as it was just a little awkward to have her there. Also, my MOH missed her plane on the morning of the wedding, so wasn't there at all until much later (including her daughter who was meant to be my flower girl). I was gutted, but just blocked out the anger, as I had to think of my special day and making it amazing. I am still angry with her though. I think once some girls get married, they just stop caring about their other friends weddings which is so selfish. Bottom line is though, I had an amazing day, and all those stresses melt away when you sail down the aisle towards your amazing husband to be.
I am curious how she committed to you 6 months ago when according to your profile, you have only been engaged since May? Perhaps she should have pulled out, but it seems like she gave you almost a year's notice that she might be unable to participate. It's disappointing, I know, but people have no way of knowing how long it will take to get pregnant, and it's entirely possible that she didn't think she'd be able to conceive right away...even only being 4-5 months pregnant at your wedding would not preclude her from participating.
And in your second friend's defense, you didn't ask her to be in your wedding until her husband had already committed to being in someone else's. The fact that you asked your MOH to be in your wedding 6 months ago but are only asking your other friend now probably leads her to believe she was a B-choice, which it kind of sounds like she was. If it was really so important to you that she be there, why did you not ask her when you asked the other girls? I am not trying to be hard on you, I am just hoping you consider the sides of the other girls.
do you honestly expect your matron of honor to put her life on hold just for your wedding-- which is just one day.
while i understand being disappointed in your good friend not being able to participate in your wedding party, i don't think it is fair to expect her to put her baby making plans on hold for your wedding. chin up, i'm sure it will work out!
I'm sure neither friend is doing this because they don't want to be with you.
As for the MOH, you can't blame her for trying to get pregnant. The chances of her baby's being due on your wedding weekend were so slim--it's just a fluke. I'm sure she's unhappy about the timing, too--while still being thrilled about the baby.
And the other friend, if her husband was asked to be a GM in another wedding, then I can understand why she has to go to that wedding instead of yours. Again, I'm sure she's as bummed about it as you, and that if she could have it her way, she'd just go to your wedding.
I know that this is extremely disappointing and I sympathize.
But you should at least understand that this isn't as personal as you are taking it. A lot of couples start trying way earlier than they want to conceive because it can take that long. I wouldn't be too upset that she didn't take your wedding into consideration with her reproductive process. And I think that your aunt and uncle probably want to come to the wedding, but probably didn't want to put you in a position of saying they were going to go and then possibly not being there, leaving you with two empty places.
Don't worry--there are plenty of people who love you and you'll have a great wedding and possibly a 2nd cousin to boot!
Why are people so selfish and hurtful , especially when it comes to your wedding day?! It seems to be pretty common and im so annoyed by people like this! im dealing with similar issues and it just hurts. Just make sure you focus on whats important: its your WEDDING and it will be amazing with or without these people!
That's got to suck. I'm with the other Bees though in telling you it's really not fair to ask someone to schedule their baby making plans around you. This is the most important day of your life, not anyone elses.
Brush it off, pick another BM and keep on planning your dream day.
I agree with most of the other posters. Of course we all want our bridesmaids to put their life on hold and have our wedding consume as much of their lives as it does ours...but this isn't realistic or fair. I'm sure your MOH is just as heartbroken to be missing your day, but life happens, and things get in the way. Think of how much more celebrating you'll be able to do though! Wedding, then a new baby! It's so exciting!
I know how sometimes life messes up our plans...TRUST me, I've been going through a lot of that right now too, I just haven't been fully open about sharing it since I realized too late my name and my picture don't lead to too much privacy, but it was heartbreaking...and then I got over it. As they say - life is what happens when we're busy making other plans. We can plan all we want for our big days...but life is still going on all around us :)
Hope you feel better! You have every right to be sad for awhile. But then try and focus on the happy!
Why are people so selfish and hurtful , especially when it comes to your wedding day?! It seems to be pretty common and im so annoyed by people like this! im dealing with similar issues and it just hurts. Just make sure you focus on whats important: its your WEDDING and it will be amazing with or without these people!
Was this sarcasm? I kind of hope so. Conceiving a child in these circumstances is hardly a selfish act, as well as honoring a previous commitment to be a part of someone else's wedding. There's definitely some selfishness going on, but not on the MOH and BM's parts.
On the bright side if she does go into labour when she's due she might have her baby on your wedding day! knowing a child that was born on your wedding day is pretty neat and watching the child grow will be amazing knowing that the babys life started the same day your new life did
Perhaps this is a fun chance to invite someone else to be part of the wedding since you have so much time ahead of you.
I don't know...I agree that you shouldn't expect people to put their lives on hold for your wedding, but if I were in someone's wedding, esp a MOH of someone I was close with, then yea I'd take baby timings into consideration.
Sorry you were put in this situation, but at least know now that later as what the other bees said...
@ ATP2011-
I think the .5 of a person refers to the fact the BM#2 never accepted the role...when the Original Poster asked her, she had to decline, and further explain that she would not be able to attend the wedding, even as a guest.
i don't think you really lost ".5" bridesmaid for a girl who was a back-up bridesmaid. personally, i'd be a bit offended to be someone's second choice.
I am so sorry date twin! I totally sympathize with what you are going through and think that it is totally okay and natural to be a little upset. To be honest, I would be upset too. However, unlike some of the previous posters, I recognize that your post was just to vent. I am pretty sure that you don't actually expect that your MOH will put off trying to have another baby because of your wedding. My SIL got married last August and was talking about TTC a few months ago. The same things that you have mentioned ran through my head. I am sure that you are elated for your cousin and have been totally supportive.
In regards to the other BM, I am sure that you were super excited to have the opportunity to include her in the wedding and you expected her to be able to attend since her husband is a part of the wedding party. So being side swiped by this news is totally understandable. I get where all of this would be upsetting. I do, however, think that your thinking has become a bit irrational... but hey, don't we all get a bit irrational when we are upset... and stressed? I know I do! Don't get trapped in that cycle. I am sure it breaks these girls hearts that they are going to miss your big day. Just try and a take a deep breath because all of this will get worked out and your wedding day will be beautiful!
I am comforted hearing that so many others have been in this situation. My fiance and I are having a very small destination wedding--parents and siblings only. Originally we were each going to have a "best person" and their respective spouse and child(ren) along. Then my sweet, loyal best friend and MOH tells me last month (the day she hit the second trimester) that she was so, so sorry she wasn't going to be able to come. Her baby is due a week before the wedding, and she also has a toddler at home. The poor girl was almost in tears and apologized (!!) for the bad timing. What could I say? I still love her and want what's best for her and her family.
Am I sad? Absolutely. It's an unfortunate truth when you are getting married later than your friends and relatives of the same generation (I am 32 and a first-time bride). I attended so many weddings in the last ten years, was a bridesmaid three times, and loved being there on the couples' big day. For my wedding, so many people have small kids or own their own business, or are struggling financially, that their participation just isn't possible at the same level. You have to let it go and not keep score on who did what for whose wedding 5 years ago.
So wish your MOH well, and move on. I will be so happy when my friend has her second child. I'm thinking of having the photographer take a photo of my fiance and I holding some kind of personalized sign like "Congratulations on Baby X" or "Wishing you and Baby X the best from Bermuda" or something like that, so she has a memento from a day she really wanted to share with me, but physically couldn't.
Do you have the right to be privately disappointed and sad? You sure do. But you have to stop the "my MOH is selfish" tactic because it comes off as immature.
@mrs meowerson:
I agree completely. Hey B-list friend! You may be my filler, but I better be your priority!
@ miss beach:
I think you read the original post wrong. The second (potential) bridesmaid's husband is in a different wedding that same day. Sounds like the potential bridesmaid was originally invited as a guest, while her husband was invited to be in a different wedding that same day. Since she was a guest and he was a groomsman, his wedding invitation took priority.
Hey guys, I want to think everyone for your posts. I know that I can't expect anyone to put their life on hold for me, I just needed to vent and it was better for me to vent to you all instead of them! I am actually really happy that my cousin is pregnant, because she did struggle through her first pregnancy and her baby was born 7 weeks early, so she didn't even know if she could get pregnant again.
Sorry I was wrote it out confusing, my the second' girl's huaband is a groomsmen in OUR wedding. But it's ok. I'm better now....just needed to get it off of my chest last night! I know the day will be wonderful but sometimes life throws us curveballs.
Thanks to everyone for being sweet and supportive! And to those of you who weren't so supportive, I just hope that you don't experience any roadbumps yourself!
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So tonight I have went through a box of tissues. First, last week my matron of honor and cousin called to tell me that she's pregnant and is due 2 days after my wedding so she cannot be a part of it. On the one hand, I should be happy that a new life is being brought into the world. But in reality, I'm really upset, because she committed to me 6 months ago, and she and her husband started trying for their second child 3 months ago. She told me when they started trying (their second child) and I asked her if it would interfere and she just waved her hand and said nah. So I'm upset because since they were trying, couldn't they have waited like 3 more months? Or shouldn't she have not promised to be my matron of honor? (I of course was a bridesmaid in her wedding and did everything she asked.) Now on top of that, my aunt and uncle won't be at my wedding because they already plan to be with her. So I feel like a big portion of my family bailed on me.
So tonight I take out my friend to ask her to be my bridesmaid, and I was upfront with her about the whole thing, and she was like, oh I was actually coming to dinner tonight to tell you I can't come to your wedding at all because she has to attend another wedding. This friend's husband is one of the groomsmen, so now they are going to split.
I know I am probably being selfish, but I am just crying and feeling very small right now because it seems like no one wants to be there. And I was there for both of these girls on their big day, but now it''s my turn and they just wave their hand at me. I just needed to vent but I am so sad....