Post # 1
Hi all – I’m in quite the predicament right now. My husband and I just got married a few months ago, and were planning on buying a house in the spring – but then last week his CEO sprung a wildcard on us and asked us to relocate to CO (we currently live in New England, near all of my family). Husband would get a raise/promo and be fast-tracked to VP at his company, but I would have to give up my job at a fantastic tech company (top 10 to work for)…because they don’t allow working from home (policy – it’s ridic IMO but I don’t want to argue that here because I was already told it’s not an option by my boss).
So the question is – do we pack our bags and go, and let him take this huge opportunity? Or, do we stay put and I keep my job? The raise he would get wouldn’t be enough to cover my loss in income, but with the cost of living in CO vs Boston, we would definitely be OK. I can of course apply for jobs when I get out to CO, but I don’t think I’ll find as good of a job as I have now.
Have any of you faced this before? What would you do if you were in my situation? My husband really wants to take the opportunity, but is being very sensitive to my situation (I’m really close with my family, and I have a great job) – so I’m a little torn. At the same time, I do want to be a SAHM when we hae kids (a few years out, at least) – so it seems to make sense to advance his career and put mine on hold… I just don’t know!! :/
This topic was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Laur12.
Post # 2
Post # 3
That sounds like a conundrum. CO is a really nice place and a great opportunity! Would you consider being long distance if you wanted to keep your job? Would DH be satisfied staying in his current position? In any relationship where both parties work, this will become an issue at some point.
Since your long term goal is to be SAHM later, it does sound reasonable for you to leave your current job and then look for jobs in CO. Are there jobs in your field where you would relocate? It’s also possible that your boss might change their tune when they find out you’re actually leaving. Good luck!
Post # 4
I’d go in a heartbeat. My ex was fast tracked to the executive suite and he was transferred every year for the first 3 years of our marriage. It gave him the broad view of the company that he needed and he is now the CEO.
ps the transfers had nothing to do with our divorce.
Post # 5
Laur12: I’d go. And I did actually….twice. lol! We aren’t married yet but 2 years ago my FI got a job opportunity in AZ and we picked up and moved. Yeah I left my job (a government job at the VA) but I had never lived outside IL (FI had in the Navy). So I was all about it, scared to death, but all about it. Fast forward a year after that and he got an even better job opportunity that moved us to Nebraska. Closer to both our families in Illinois. The job and benefits he has now is great and without the 1800 mile move to AZ, he never would have the job he has now. And our daughter has also had the luxury of getting to live other places at 9 years old and she’s adjusted great!
I say go for it! I know soooo many people that live in Colorado and they love it so much! You gotta just jump in and go for it! Carpe Diem!! And all that jazz! lol!
Post # 6
Laur12: personally I would go. Like you, I would love to be a SAHM when the time comes and therefore I would jump at any opportunity for my FI to be fast tracked in terms of promotions and pay raises. Moving there now does not mean it’s going to be forever. You could get a job and settle down for the couple of years in CO then as the time comes that you want to start a family your DH can talk to his company about moving back.
Post # 7
craigslistgirl: It’s so tough! I don’t think I would do the long distance thing. That’s just too hard. And I’m sure I could find a simliar job in Denver, but I don’t think it will pay as much – tech in Boston has a good salary relative to other states. I do want to be a SAHM when we’re ready, but only when my kids are young – things could change, but once they are old enough for preschool, I’m planning on going back to work. 🙂 I really am a career-oriented person.
I wish my job would let me work remotely because then it would be perfect, it would be hard being away from my family but his company has offered to cover 3 RT flights per year for me to visit my family so I would still get to see them quite a bit (I’d visit in addition to that, too). I think the biggest thing is me having to give up my job and not having an income. 🙁 I think a lot of couples have to face big decisions like this once they’re married, I just didn’t think it would happen so soon! We’re still in the “honeymoon” phase!
Post # 8
SkinnyLatte17: Thanks for your advice! You mentioning your daughter makes me feel even more like I should go because it’s harder to move when you have kids (props to you!!)…it’s actually not the worst time for us to try this out now, just married, no kids yet, don’t own a home…hmm. It’s looking more and more like I should go!
Post # 9
Laur12: Definitely! We lucked out and found out our daughter travels really well lol!
And at the risk of sounding ohhhhh so awful, you only live once. lol! I also will not lie, both moves tested us quite a bit. The first move to AZ being the hardest, it started out that my FI went to AZ alone and DD and I stayed in IL so I could continue to work. He stayed in his parents RV until we could buy a house. I went to visit him for fathers day in June that year, we bought the house and then he came back to get us and we all moved to AZ at the end of July. So I packed every single thing we owned myself. Most of the time that was after I got off working. We financed the move ourselves for the most part, we got a small relo package from his company. We packed the moving truck ourselves and drove for 3 days across the country…..with a then 7 year old and a dog. It was interesting to say the least. lol!
The second move was paid for 100% by his new company. Movers came in and packed eeeeeeverything, loaded it in a semi and met us in Nebraska 3 days later then unpacked it all! We just packed what we needed for a few days, jumped in our pick up (with 3 dogs and an 8 year old this time) and took off. Best. Setup. EVER!
But now the prospect of moving again doesn’t even phase me, we aren’t going to be moving in the near future but will eventually I’m sure.
While it was quite a learning experience, I did enjoy it. It was just us 3 on our own and it felt great really. Very few of my close friends have ever left the state of IL ever to live somewhere else so I was the first which made it even harder. I will say that it does make visiting with everyone that much better though!
So sorry for the rambling book! lol!
Post # 10
This happened to us (although we aren’t married yet).
SO was one year “behind” me in school, so I got a job in our home province while he finished his masters. His field is much more specialized than mine (I’m a teacher, there are schools in every town), so when he got an awesome job across the country, we had to decide what to do. We decided to move- he would never get a job like this, in his first year out of school, in our home province.
I had to give up my job, though, which was hard- I was on my way to getting a permanent contract with my school board, which would have meant I was basically set for life. Although I’ve found work here, there is nothing permanent so far and probably won’t be for a few years. I won’t lie, it’s hard sometimes. I’m very career oriented, and to give up something like is not a decision I made lightly. Ultimately, I had to decide whether to continue with my career, or put my faith into our relationship, especially since we weren’t engaged when we moved. I’m so happy I made this decision. In the end, we had no kids, no home, no cars, so it was easy to just pack up and go (minus missing my family, of course). Sometimes it’s hard, but we’ve had so many awesome experiences and adventures since we moved here together and it’s really solidified us and brought us together.
Post # 11
I’d go in a heartbeat. FI is doing an internship in Oregon next summer and might get offered a job after that. I would drop my job and move across the country (we live in GA) because like you, we are young and childless. There’s nothing stopping us and I’ve already told him is rather us move when we don’t have kids as opposed to moving a 3 year old across the country.
Post # 12
Laur12: Would go. If you work for a great tech company now, you would have a lot to bring to tech cos in CO.
I used to live in Boulder CO and work in tech. There’s lots of great jobs locally, and a lot of people who work remotely for Silicon Valley cos.
What do you do in tech? Maybe we can help out? PM me if you want to keep it private. 🙂