Post # 1
Hello wonderful bees! If I started talking about my wonderful wedding and honeymoon, this post wouldn’t end, so let’s cut to the chase! I’m asking the Great Hive for Thank You Etiquette:
1. If someone gave me a gift at my shower and at my wedding, would it be alright to send a thank you for both of those gifts?
2. How did you handle thank you cards for gifts of cash or checks? Any ideas for wording?
3. There was a group of relatives who were specifically not invited (family issues), but were no doubt told all about the wedding. We received a money gift from one individual and we don’t know them personally. Should they be sent a thank you, even though they weren’t invited? Awkward!
4. Is it alright if all the thank you cards are obviously written by a female (ME!)? Should I make my husband sign them at least, or is it ok if I sign for him?
5. Lastly, one blood relative of Darling Husband went through a great deal of effort and presumably care to hand make very beautiful gifts to give away to all attendants at the rehearsal dinner given by DH’s mother. I was blown away by such a beautiful gesture and we enjoyed them very much.
We later came to find out that this individual, their family, and the local preacher harassed, religiously attacked and belittled our officiant at our non-traditional wedding minutes before it was to begin!! They are very devout Christians and Darling Husband and I were completely shocked and totally hurt – our officiant was my father-in-law to boot!! It has caused a big rift in our hearts because we knew all of them (preacher included) to be very gentle and tolerant folks – no longer! My poor FIL!
What would you do? I want to send a card thanking them for the effort (because the good deed should be acknowledged), but I have them and their family ON ICE because religious intolerance + insulting my beloved Father-In-Law is unacceptable. I could send a card and ignore the issue, which would be the classiest thing to do.
Post # 3
1. I personally sent thank-you cards the week after my shower and will be sending separate ones for the wedding. Was your shower super-close to your wedding day?
2. I like to say “thank you so much for the generous gift, we will use it towards [blank]”
3. Yes, you should definitely send a thank you.
4. Me and Fiance will be working on the thank you’s together and I assume we’ll write each others names. I could go either way on this though.
5. I would just send a simple thank you card. They probably have no idea you know what happened.
Post # 4
1: We don’t do showers here, so I don’t know about this one, but I’d imagine one Thank You card would do for both?
2: “Thank you for your kind and thoughtful gift, we really appreciate it and are delighted you could come to celebrate our special day with us” is usually the norm here for money gifts.
3: Yep, thank you cards to anyone that gave you anything.
4: Get him to sign the ones to the people (mostly his family, I guess) that would know his handwriting.
5: Send the card. I don’t think there’s any obligation on you to ignore the behaviour – no guest at your wedding shoud be attacking anyone, that’s horrendous. You do have to address their behaviour, but I think that’d be better done in person, if you’ve the belly for it.
Post # 5
1. I would send seperate thank yous for the wedding and shower (even if they were super close together – my shower will be the day before my wedding). Reasoning – gifts aren’t really from exactly the same people. Ex. – your Aunt A and Uncle B got you a wedding gift but a gift at the shower would only be from Aunt A (not Uncle B).
2. I say something like “Thank you so much for the generous gift. We will use it towards X” or “we were so excited to be able to put it towards Y during our honeymoon”.
3. Yes, you should definitely send a thank you to anyone who got you a gift – invited or not.
4. Personally, I think it would be nice for you to have your husband sign his name. That’s what I intend to have my FI do once its time to do our thank yous. My family always used to do that with our X-mas cards (each kid signed individually) and it gives them a really nice touch. It doesn’t take that much effort on his part (especially if you are writing them all!)
5. I would still send them a thank you card for the effort and time they put in to the wedding party gifts. They deserve that despite their pre-ceremony actions.
Post # 6
The girls have pretty much covered all my answers. The only thing I would point out is a different option for your question number 4. I wrote all the thank you notes to my friends and family and he wrote the thank you notes to his friends and family. We both signed each other’s name on the notes that we wrote. I think the guest should receive a note from the person who they know best. However, my mother was SHOCKED that my husband agreed to help with the notes. I told him he didn’t have an option so “agreed” may be a strong word…
Post # 7
I think the previous posts covered your questions. The only thing I would add is that I wrote all of our shower thank you notes and just signed his name. It would have been more of a hassle to get him to sit down and sign every one of them.
Post # 8
I ditto all the above and I want to say Thank you for being so thoughtful. This is one area I get a little uptight about. I went to 4 weddings in the last year and half, shower included, on my Darling Husband side of friends and family and not once did we receive a thank you card. To me that is gross. I even sent a thank you letter to our officiant and his wife who did our photos!
Post # 9
Thank you so very much to everyone for your responses! Regarding #5, ugh, I just get a pit in my stomach when I think about having to swallow it all and write it. They live far away, so no chance in the near future of a face-to-face discussion but you’d better believe I’d have it!
I just remembered that I forgot one.
7. Would sending someone a thank you card to thank them for sending us a card be too much? I feel like that could open up an endless paradox:
Congrats on your wedding!
Thank you for your lovely card!
Thank you for thanking me for my lovely card by sending such a thoughtful thank you card!
Post # 10
I would say in most cases you do not need to send a thank you for a card. We only did this in one case and it was for a very elderly great aunt who was unable to attend. My note was mostly just to let her know that we were thinking about her and that we missed her on the big day.. so not so much a thank you note. Also, since we did picture cards it was nice for her to get to see pictures of us on our wedding a day.
Post # 11
1. I think that you should send out thank yous for each gift seperately.
2. Usually for cash, we said that we would spend it on X. In our case, we said we would spend it furnishing our new house and going on vacation later. Do not mention the amount.
3. You need to thank everyone who sent you a gift, whether they were invited to the wedding or not.
4. I signed and wrote all our thank you cards because my husband’s handwriting is atrocious.
5. I would just thank them for what they did and not mention that they harrassed the officiant. If you want to talk to them about that, you should do it in person.
Post # 12
For gift cards and monetary gifts, I usually put something like this…
Thank you so much for the gift to Home Depot (or “monetary gift”) and for thinking of us. With our inpending/recent/hopeful home purchase, this will be very useful turing the new house into our home. Thank you so much”
Thank you so much for thinking of usl, coming to celebrate and especially for your monetary gift. We are so looking forward to …….. (insert exciting thing here) and your gift will be a big help. We’ll surely be thinking of you. “
I always make a point to thank people for “coming to celebrate” and mention how nice it was to have them there or how nice it was to see them after so long. That way you’re not just thanking them for their gift, but also for their attendance. Or if they didn’t come, you can say you’re looking forward to seeing them soon.
I <3 writing Thank You notes. Its weird, I know. 🙂
Post # 13
I’ll just reply to number 7 since the others seem to be addressed already (summary: always send a thank you note!).
7. Thank you notes can be for gifts, kind deeds, or simply to ackowledge that you appreciate having someone in your life. If you were particularly touched by a card, go ahead and write back. It helps to avoid using stationary with “Thank You”printed on it (this is a good rule in general, although even Crane & Co. is selling them these days). Just pick out a blank card and write a few lines. If they cared enough to write a card, they will be really touched to recieve a note in return.
Post # 14
I would definately send seperate thank you’s for shower and wedding. I don’t think you should use one card.
I wrote out all of our cards (my hubby’s handwriting is well, not legible to say the least! LOL) and signed both of our names. I didn’t think to have him sign until reading what some mentioned here. But that’s a very nice idea (too late for me though!)…
Post # 15
LOL @ the “endless paradox” — haha! I like VeronicaH’s idea about not sending back a specifically-labeled “Thank You” card, but rather a blank one that you can just turn into a gracious reply.