Post # 1
I don’t know what to do! I have dated my FI for 4 years. We got engagedin September and moved in a week ago. Im about to pull my hair and scream or shoot myself. I don’t think i can handle this for the rest of my life! Everything he does drives me crazy
He never turns off the lights when he leaves the house or the room.
He leaves his stuff every where.
For 5 days i have asked him each day to please take the k cup out of the kurig after he makes coffee.
If i don’t make him breakfast or lunch he does not eat.
I make dinner every night and he can’t even do the dishes right because rinsing plates with grosses him out.
He is not considerate at all. Ill go to bed at 10. Instead of being on his laptop in the living room he brings it to bed and then i can’t sleep.
I told him in going to meditate in the next room so he turns ob loud rock music.
Yes, i have talked to him but he just says sorry and does it again. I don’t know what to do. I do not plan to spend the rest of my life going after him picking up shit and turning lights off. Its like he is not capable offunctioning. i found him trying to make toast by putting it directly on the oven top. This is business graduate in talking about.
Any advice would be great.
Post # 2
Lol that call being married hahaha , this what life about , you have OCD . Try not to let it bother you . This is small things get mad at the things that matter , all man are like this in a way or other , my mother in law is like him . lol You love him enough then you can deal with this . ?
Post # 3
It takes a while to adjust, especially if you are someone used to your routine or space. It was actually the opposite for my FI and I. I tend to be the sloppy one and he is very neat and tidy. When we first moved in together it was alot of bickering with give and take. Give it time if he loves you he will learn to adjust and if you love him you will learn what battles are really worth fighting.
Post # 4
Living with someone new can be a challenge especially if you haven’t live with that person before. This is why I believe people should live together before getting married. When you live with someone you have to learn to compromise. and for crying out loud he a male. You can expect so much from a man. If you want them to do something you have to tell them like 10 times and even than they still wouldnt get it done haha. You just got to learn to deal with it.
Post # 5
Thanks for the insight….but if he cant do dishes and cant clean and cant do laundry and cant cook….what a hell is he going to do? Im just supposed to do everything like he is my child and not my partner?
Post # 6
You’re telling me you have dated someone for four years and just found out he is messy, doesn’t do dishes, etc?? Going to his house even without living with him should key you in on these things. I disagree with pps though.. because you are both adults. You need to give a little but so does he. It’s called compromise. You shouldnt have to make him meals for him to eat, youre not his mother. Offering is one thing or making twice as much when you’re cooking for you is fine, but I would say hey there’s this in the fridge, feel free to make some lunch. It shouldn’t be a requirement. You both need to sit down and talk about expectations.. Because tho all little things, they could break your relationship in the long run and cause bitterness and resentment.
Post # 7
My bf, who I live with has weird habits too, tosses toilet paper and paper towel rolls before they are empty, does nor pre-rinse dishes. Some of the things your fiancé is doing are minor. It is a problem if you are stuck doing everything though, if he doesn’t help with cooking or cleaning, etc … Is he only 21? did he live with his parents? You need to figure out chores and cooking.
Post # 8
also, not all men are like this. I hate doing dishes, my FI hates doing dishes but we are adults and dirty dishes exist – we take turns or do them together and talk about our day. Unless you hire a housekeeper.. He’s prolly gonna have to suck it up and do some Dishes
Post # 9
Ljubav: Hahaha. Your post made me laugh. It was cute to read how difficult newly loving situations can be. Many people have been there or are there. I think you both will learn to compromise. You’ll pick your battles worth fighting, and the other things that just best left let go. Marriage certainly isn’t easy, but it’s definitely worth it. Try and focus on all the great thing he is made up of/does for you, and continue to talk it out calmly. Never let things boil up and then explode. Wishing you both all the luck! Things will get better 🙂
Post # 10
OP, living together/being married requires a LOT of compromising and adjustment from both parties. He has to get used to your ways, but you have to be flexible as well. Before this builds into resentment from your side and him feeling nagged, have a talk about the two of you being a team and needing to contribute and take care of your mutual space. Make a list of all the stuff that has to be done on a daily/weekly/monthly basis and then divide it up between the two of you. Post it in a spot you see daily and just do the stuff that’s assigned to you. Remind him once if necessary but don’t nag further than that. Remember that the things you want done, the way you want them done and the timeframe you want them done in are all parameters you’ve set in your own mind. He can’t read your mind and even if he did, he doesn’t necessarily have to follow those same rules. Let him pick up the routines and learn responsibilities in his own way.
Post # 11
Ljubav: Are you telling us that not once in 4 years did you go to his place to see how this guy lived?
I’m having trouble understanding how all this could be a total surprise.
Post # 12
We are both 25. I knew he was messy but i assumed he is capable of being an adult now that we live together. He did live with his parents for a brief time after college but always had roommates and it was 5 guys…mess is to be expected i just didn’t know how poor his cleaning habits were. He even told me he only brushes his teeth once a day and has used the same shower towel for 4 days
Post # 13
I didn’t live with my dh until our wedding date but we dated for over 6 years at that point and there were extended weekends together and staying in his apartment that I knew what I was getting into. It takes work, but consistently letting him know what he needs to do and reminding him does work. Dh would never rinse his facial hair shavings from the sink afterwords because “he couldn’t see it”. A few times of reminding him how absolutely gross I found it did the trick. I still have to ask him to take out the dishes or throw out the garbage but I also choose my battles.
Post # 14
Did he live with his parents or something before this? What did he do before he moved in with you?
The light thing a lot of people have a problem with. My mom used to get SO angry at us when we were little for leaving lights on and my sisters still do it in their 30s.
The things like the K cup thing is just something I think you should let go. Its like putting the toilet seat down, theres just some things that arent a big enough deal to get worked up over.
Dont cook him breakfast or lunch unless you want to. Hes a grown man, he wont starve.
Stop making dinner every night if he cant be bothered to rinse a dish. Stuff like that are things that are taught by doing and not by nagging. If he has no breakfast and no lunch, and then you didnt cook because he didn’t do the dishes, he’ll learn really quick
The other stuff are things you should talk to him seriously about. You need to stress how much it bothers you otherwise he wont stop
Post # 15
Ljubav: You have to have a chat with your fiance on having a chore assignment.
My fiance and I agreed that he has to walk our dog everyday, take out the trash, and we do grocery shopping together. I cook, clean, do dishes and take care of our son. I am a stay at home mom so he works on the weekday. Sometimes my fiance makes us dinner and spend time with his son.