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You and your FI have experienced some pretty bad things and came out of them together, stronger. It's okay to feel bad and a little jealous sometimes, so don't beat yourself up over that.
I'm going to be cheesy and give you a movie quote from Return to Me. "It's the character that's the strongest that God gives the most challenges to. Now you can take that as a compliment."
Now that I'm done being cheesy, it's very possible that this couple is sailing through life on easy street, or it's possible that you just don't hear about the fights and the struggles and the troubles. If you actively compare yourselves, knowing absolutely everything about your life and relationship, to them when you only know the window that they show you (no matter how big that window is, it's just a window), you're going to make yourself very unhappy.
I am praying for you and sending positive thoughts your way. Don't forget that you and your FI are rich in the immaterial things, and that's something that not everyone has.
It's okay to feel jealous sometimes!
Just remember that no one has a perfect life. They may have hardships that you don't know about. There may be serious trouble in their future. There are always going to be people better off/richer/healthier/seemingly happier and people who are worse off/sicker, poorer than you. There are plenty of horses out there who don't get to even run in the race! Count yourself lucky. Your relationship has been tested and you've come out stronger for it :-)
when i was young, my family lived very modestly. i often felt like all of my friends had so much more than we did. my mom gave me a word of advise that has truly stuck with me. "you never know what goes on behind closed doors." she explained to me what that meant (i was very young) and i took that advise to heart. since then, i have never been envious of someone else but it made me work harder and appreciate the things that i do have, not what i don't.
fancy vacations and a lavish wedding may only be masking something others are lacking in their relationship. you say that you're really happy and i believe you are. you can't buy true happiness with a house, a vacation, good looks, etc. that is all materialistic. true love and true happiness comes from within and by the sounds of it, you and your FI have a good solid relationship that has overcome many obstacles already. your relationship is what many others envy. if i were you, i would be very proud of yourself.
you know how when people say " I know what you mean" or " I know how your feeling" ? but they actually really dont? I do! Like you said, life isnt always rainbows and butterflies but its not always rain either. I can totally relate to what your going through, actually I feel like Im the most lost person alive because of many issues Im facing but I remember that after every darkness- theres light.
you might find this girl lucky but theres also someone out there who considers you lucky too. We all go through issues, whose to say she isnt? Maybe shes just a very low key kind of person. But trust me jeolousy will nt get you anywhere. You are lucky in more then one way. you have a job, a roof over your head, a wonderful FI who Im sure is more then crazy about you. You know that low key, vintage backyard wedding your having? Its going to be the most special intimate day of your life. it doesnt matter how much money you put into it, but how much love and devotion shines that day. Whenever your feeling down, look at the positive things God has blessed you with in your life.
All these problems you faced, only makes you stronger and your relationship with your FI better and more deep. You shared events such as happinss, sadness, and fear and coming through it together shows how wonderful of a couple you are! it just shows you how strong of a couple of you are! You will always stand strong! Congratulations to that!!
your time will come and when it does you treasure it because you know what its like to struggle - you just have to keep plodding along but it will happen so keep being positive *hugs*
One thing I don't think we realize is everyone struggles. We may not see it or realize it but everyone has their problems. Her life may not be as perfect as you think. The most important thing is that your happy. You and your FI have already battled struggles and hardships and have come out on top! That says a lot about your relationship! It proves you two can work through hard times and have what it takes to make it to the other side. That is better than anything money can buy! When you two are old together you can look back on life and realize you made it through together-hardships and all!
If it makes you feel better, I know how you feel! I've felt the same way about my MOH for a long time. She beautiful, skinny, has a great job and is constantly going on trips everywhere. Although, she invites me to go all the time I can not afford it. Especially now with the wedding coming up. I get jealous sometimes too. It's normal and natural to want better things in life! Don't get down on yourself about that. What I usually try to remind myself is our lives are designed to be the way they are for a reason. We go through trials for a reason. To make us stronger or to give us experience so we can help someone going throught the same thing. So maybe your life is going perfectly so that one day you can be there to help someone and touch their life in a way no one else can!?
Either way I hope and pray that great blessings will come your way! There's always sunshine after rain!
Don't put other people's achievements as your goal posts, set your own. I'm sure if you asked your friends they would be jealous of how stron you and FI are in being able to keep going through all those difficult times. The things your friends have and wish to have are all material possessions, and not things that will keep you warm at night, or be there to hold your hand when everything is going against you. My FI and earn much less between us than most of my friends earn individually, but the way I see it I am lucky in so many other ways. Look at yourself and your FI and see the good things. I am certain there are plenty! Big hugs to you! xx
@happierkate: Love your quote (and love the movie;-)
@annebanan: totally understand what you're feeling sometimes! had these problems a year ago when a friend of my fiance got engaged on their 2nd anniversary. I was together with my (then) BF for 3 1/2 years and he didn't pop the question until last summer;-) And it was just like they are SOOOO in love when we were together. they were always kissing and squeezing an hugging and licking;-) I felt quite uncomfortable in their presence and sometimes asked myself if we (my BF and me) do love each other less (not that my BF wouldn't show me that we belong together and that he loves my, but it was just another kind of showing, not this quite "sexual" attraction they showed) I had a hard time not being rude when my BF told me things about their wedding planning. I really tried not to have to go to their wedding. Well, we did. And since then it was ok for me! The wedding wasn't that great for the money they've spent. But we had a great time there. We dressed up and my BF a I looked really good! (most of the guest looked like they were going to a beach party!!) And on this evening it got clearer to me that my BF is going to propose a few days later on my 30th birthday. Call that gut feeling;-) And I catched the bridal bouquet;-) Long story short: I realized that I'm really happy with MY man, and that we're really lucky together! We're a good team;-) They are now pregnant (she announced that already months before the wedding that she wants to get pregnant right afterwards). But we want to enjoy life a little bit after the wedding! We love going on vacation, we want to buy a house (let's see if we can afford one;-) and surely want kids. But now just enjoying to be together. We really love traveling. So, it has to be this way;-) I think it's quite normal to compare to others, but not to feel smaller like others!
"The grass is always greener...."
I was a little jealous of a cousin of mine. I hadn't seen her in awhile and she moved closer to me with her husband and child. I was so eager to reconnect with her so I visited them often. I became jealous of their dynamic. They were living together; my boyfriend and I were not. She was married; I was not. She had a beutiful child; I did not. The "honey's" & the "i love you's" drove me crazy. I talked to me BF about it and he reassured me that it was normal. I was human & we were working towards OUR future and that's what was important.
Sadly things were not as it seemed. The more I visited the more the layers peeled away. They were not perect. They were not happy. My cousin was jealous of me and my relationship with my BF and only pretended to be happy to save face. Eventually they separated.
I'm sorry for what happed to them but it taught me a HUGE lesson. You have to accept and happy with your situation and what works for you. I couldn't help but think that maybe if they had delt with their issues instead of trying to live up to everyone's expectations maybe just maybe they would have been able to work things out.
It's ok to have desires and goals, but they have to be YOURS. And as long as your FI and you working towards the same goals, that's all that matters. With that being said I hope things get better for you both. You may have a "huge gimp" but at least you have each other to lean on.
I have always been jealous of others, seemingly because they always had more than me. Back in high school, I was truly bullied, being told that I wasn't good enough and would never deserve anything good. Now, I'm on antidepressants, have bipolar disorder, and am in cognitive behavioral therapy to deal with the consequences that I still have 12 years later. But, I have found a wonderful man, and I have found God, and my life is (finally) coming together. Many of those girls are in "stepford wife" relationships, a few have been left for better women, and they are the ones who aren't happy.
I love the quote that HappierKate gave you, and believe that God does have a plan for each of us, and that by passing these struggles, you will be happier in the end.
Chin up and smile! As long as you are happy and satisfied, comparing yourself to others won't do anything - just be happy in your own skin, and you'll be as amazing as you can be!
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Hi Bees,
Now I am the girl who always has a smile on her face, dancing in the rain because hey, life isn't always rainbows and butterflies lol. But here's the thing...I feel myself becoming jealous and have had the "poor me" feeling for a lil while. My friend and her fiance seem to have it all together~the perfect jobs (lvns), the perfect looks, the perfect future (looking to buy a house before marriage), and the perfect lives (she gets what she wants, can afford everything, so can he). My fiance and I are great, but we always feel like we are the ponies on the racetrack with a small gimp running on this race track called life all the while they are the thoroughbreds, smoothly sailing throughout their lives. Bees, I am kind of tired feeling like we will never catch up with them, that we will always feel second rate to them. They go on these lavish trips, they buy each other everything,and are having a wedding twice their original budget...while we are having a low key, vintage backyard wedding...Bees, I am happy, I truly am, it's just the girl in me I suppose that feels that twinge of jealousy when they have not had ONE bump in their engagement (we have dealt with family deaths, cancer scares, unemployment, rigid budgets, etc). I feel like they will always be perfect whereas my fiance and I will continue to run this race with a huge gimp. Just pray and send positive thoughts our way, hopefully they will help me get out of this funk...