Just need to rant–guest called me cheap (in jest, but still)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Meh, he is an ass-hat. Don’t say anything, don’t let him know it bugged you. 

Post # 3
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

I get why you’re hurt, I do. However, as hard as it may be, I think it’s best to let his little comment slide. 

If he thinks you’re cheap for arranging the wedding the way you did, it doesn’t matter. If he calls you cheap for the lack of alcohol, it doesn’t matter. Your wedding isn’t about the money or the alcohol, so if he chooses to focus on that, that’s his issue.

I honestly think he was joking, though. I think he knows that Thursday weddings are cheaper, and, seeing as how your wedding is on Thursday, he thought he’d tease you about it a little. 

What he said wasn’t nice, but it doesn’t deserve the amount of energy or thought you’re giving it. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  .
Post # 4
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

 

Cordellia:  hey, fellow dry wedding!  (I know that wasn’t the point of your post, but I get excited bc I feel there are so few dry weddings out there!) For the record, we have let all of our guests know ahead of time that we won’t be having alcohol so that we could control how that message is relayed (basically emphasizing our personal choices about not drinking at all, rather than waiting for people to show up and assume we were being cheap.) We are also having a smaller, less expensive wedding and being called cheap is something I am terrified of, because it is not like I am putting less thought into my guests’ comfort just because we decided on a smaller wedding budget. Much like your choice of a thursday night, the lack of alcohol at our wedding was for personal, very legit reasons and the cost savings is just an added benefit. Once you calm down a bit, I wouldcall your friend back under the pretense of asking about his wwife’s attendance and just mention “hey I know you made a joke before about the wedding date…and then mention your personal reasons for choosing that date.” I think it is important for you to make sure  people know ahead of time the seriousness of the date to you so you dont have to deal with any off-color remarks on your wedding day. Def dont want to be pissed then!

Post # 7
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Cordellia:  If he got married on a weekday then maybe his joke really was in jest because he probably went through the same thing.

It seems that you are touchy about this so this is more of a you problem than a joke problem.

Post # 8
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’ve been guilty of saying “just kidding” until someone called me on it once.  I never said it again! lol  It’s too bad you’re letting this bother you so much but you can’t help the way you feel.  Not that you need to justifiy the date of your wedding to him.  But you could text him and say something like “We realize that in some ways a Thursday night isn’t the most convenient for a wedding.  But it’s difficult to plan a wedding and get everything you want.  In the end we had to make some compromises.  Lucky for us we were able to get a date that has sentimental meaning.  Of course, we completely understand if anyone can’t make it due to work etc..”. 

Hopefully he’d get the hint and you still sound polite   He does sound like he might be jealous.

Post # 9
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

Cordellia:  I think that’s even more evidence that his joke was meant as a good-natured ribbing. I really think he was just teasing you. 

Post # 12
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Cordellia:  I didn’t make it to be hurtful just looking at it from a different perspective which is helpful. Usually when someone reacts badly to a perfectly reasonable joke or comment it is because of their own problems and not the person making the joke or comment. He was probably trying to bond or commiserate with you having probably been through it himself.

Given your reaction to what I said just proves this point more.

 

Post # 14
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Cordellia:  And I am giving you advice. You are being oversentitive becuase of your own issues. Just becuase it is not what you want to hear or validating you does not make mean or snide.

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