Just need to talk……

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Cluelessbride10:  ((HUGS)) I am very sorry you are having such a hard time :-/ I cannot imagine living with family, I’d probably end up killing someone. Good for you for staying loyal to your FI through everything, by the way. That’s very commendable, and you should be proud of the strong person you are.

I believe that karma eventually swings in the favor of those doing the right things to get by. In the meantime, go with the job you will be most happy at. I wouldnt take a pay cut *right now* if it meant finding a company I’d at least semi-enjoy working for. Maybe to chill out your dad, you could go to him and ask him for his advice on living in the ‘real world’, since he seems to think himself an expert 😉

Hang in there!

Post # 4
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Cluelessbride10:  I’m sorry you’re going through so much. Why does your dad want you to leave your stable job? Is it to find something that pays more? I recently did that and let me tell you, the grass is not always greener. Sometimes you just have to do what is best for you and to hell with everyone else.

I wish you and your FI the best.

Post # 6
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Why have you allowed your parents to make you feel so inferior?  You’re a grown woman with a professional job, which, from what you’ve said, sounds like something you excel at.  If you are frustrated with your current job, there’s nothing wrong with seeing what else is out there.

You definitely need to move out on your own.  I’ve lived in Chicagoland (Lakeview in the city and Hoffman Estates and Arlington Heights) and there are affordable places to live that you can easily accomodate on a $40k salary.  There’s simply no reason for you to reside with your parents out of fear of ending up in a cardboard box.  You’re a competent individual.  Make a budget.  Move out.  Live within your means.  You will never know the “value of a dollar” until you get out there and live your own life.  I would imagine you have quite the savings account after living rent free for all these years.  Put it to get use and get yourself a nice apartment somewhere.  

Your fiance is a very small component of this.  I think it’s sad your father thinks he’ll never have a real life.  There’s just no way to know if he’ll be successful at a job or not.  It’s a “wait and see” kind of thing and honestly, I think nearly all motivated individuals succeed to some degree.  If your fiance is the type to use his past health problems as an excuse to do nothing, then he’ll do nothing.  But if he’s in school, working hard, passionate, then I see no reason why he can’t find something he can do well at.

I think the major issue here is that your parents treat you like an idiot child and you’ve allowed it and sadly, believed them.

Post # 7
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Cluelessbride10:  Brainwashed is exactly what this sounds like to me.

As mentioned in my previous post, you can EASILY live in Chicagoland (obviously, not EVERYWHERE, but in many of the suburbs) on $40k.  It’s just insane to me that you talk like $40k is poverty level.

Post # 9
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@stuckinwonderland:  Why have you allowed your parents to make you feel so inferior?  You’re a grown woman with a professional job, which, from what you’ve said, sounds like something you excel at.  If you are frustrated with your current job, there’s nothing wrong with seeing what else is out there.

This times a million.

Look, I understand your frustration, but you are 31 years old and you live at home because your parents are telling you that you can’t survive on your own.

Do you understand how ridiculous that sounds? You are a grown, engaged, educated, employed woman and you are allowing your parents to dictate your life.

Post # 11
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Cluelessbride10:  Oh come on, there are commuter rails that go out as far as Woodstock.  You just need to live in walking distance of a stop.  You do NOT have to live in the city.

You have totally been brainwashed.  You need to step back and be objective here.  

Why can’t you move out based on your salary?  Then your fiance’s salary can just be used for savings or for extras like the wedding or vacations or entertainment?  I just think this relationship with your parents is downright toxic and impacting you very negatively.

You CAN escape.  You have the brains, the finances, and the ability to do so.  Do not allow them to continue to manipulate you.  You’re going to be a married woman.  Are you going to let them run your life until you die?

Post # 13
Member
2454 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Chicago girl here making about the same as you do! It’s totally doable! Seriously. I lived on 30k in the city just three years ago. And that was on my own! Sure, you wont live on the gold coast or be able to go out to eat every week, but if it’s what you want, you can do it!

If you want to PM me, I’d be happy to share some tips and advice. 

Post # 14
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

@Cluelessbride10:  I’m sorry you are going through this rough peeriod in your life, but as my SO says, there’s always someone going through worse. I know that when we’re at our weakest moments, we rarely think about the persons who are in worse situations. But just take things one step at a time and breathe. Set timelines for things you need to do and be grateful and happy as you achieve each small goal. Just take one baby step after another and things will start clearing. Maybe a change in perspective is all you need 🙂

 

 

xox

Post # 15
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You are a grown woman, it’s as simple as finding a place you can afford, making a budget and moving out. Your parents will object but guess what, you are no longer a child and they can only run your life if you allow it, stand up fit yourself and do what you believe you need to do

 

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