- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
I am 10 months out from our big day. FI has a strenuous job with varying hours. My job is flourishing ever so nicely and growing at a great pace so I am very content. My son has special needs and weve finally got into a great routine for him thats giving us amazing results. I don’t really ask for much help from anyone, especially my mom. And I dont really need help with planning our wedding as most of it is planned now but during the planning process, I would ask my mom her opinion on certain things and she would tell me, no or it doesnt matter what she thinks. Now for a quick reference, this is my second marriage. I got married very very young and stupidly and my mom has her panties in a wad about me having a second wedding. She thinks its embarassing to have a second wedding and that I will be judged for it. Mind you, I am not the first person who has had a second wedding in my family, in fact a bunch of my cousins have before me. All I want is my Mom to show SOME interest in my wedding. Its a happy event in my life. It hasnt hit really any snags and the planning is going along nicely. She seems to just care less.
When I first got engaged she was kinda excited. She took me dress shopping but that is where it started (and ended). She told me she wanted to buy my dress but it had to be her choice. I didn’t want anything over the top. I knew I wanted simple, vneck, not puffy. She wanted lace or mermaid. We never had an argument or altercation about it, but it was not a pleasant experience. Once in the bridal salon she said well its her second wedding so nothing too fancy for her. It was so embarassing and hurtful. I feel lin love with a dress and she said it was too plain (oh the irony). A couple of weeks after that lovely experience, I went back with my MOH (best friend). She loved it and I bought it right then and there. That was not how I pictured my dress experience. (Side note, my first wedding, my mom just picked a dress, I tried it on, it was on sale and we bought it– there was no experience or choice there either).
I haven’t mentioned to her about the dress, nor has she asked to go looking. I gave up on her for a good 6 months last year. My FMIL has asked what color my mom is wearing because she wants to start looking for her dress. I asked my mom and she said she didn’t know. I have been sending her dress ideas (email) and she again seems to careless. I feel like I am close to the point of just giving up on her all together. 2 weeks in a row I asked her is if she wanted to go dress shopping with her. She said no.
We have sat down and discussed it. I have talked to my dad about it and he said shes being ridiculous and thats just how she gets. That doesnt help me though. Now on the flip side, I have this amazing relationship with my grandma (moms mom), she is my best friend. She knows everything that is going on. In fact, shes seen everything and has been involved in the planning. So I have her to go to, but I just want my Mom to be happy and involved.
FI and I are paying for this all on our own. We haven’t asked or taken a penny from anyone. Coming up soon we are going to have to meet with the hall for food tasting and the DJ and the church and the florist. I don’t want it to be awkward or her to be embarassing.
Also wanted to add, I told her and my bridal party and FMIL, that I do NOT want a bridal shower as I have already had one with my first wedding and I feel like it is tacky to have another. So I am in no way trying to be greedy by having a second wedding. But it is FI’s first marriage, and we want to have a nice wedding.
I hope this all makes sense. I think I bounced around a little. Thanks for listening to my problems. Feels good to get it out.