- 6 years ago
I’m another poster, but I’m writing this under a second account. I normally don’t need to vent, but in this case, it’ll help me just to get it out there anonymously. I’m trying not to be petty and put aside stuff that she’s said, and so I think that venting about it might help me do that, shut the door on it, and move on.
I have a friend. We’re not as close as we used to be; we used to be best friends when we were little. I feel like we never completely let go of that. Or I have, but perhaps she hasn’t and I just went along with it because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. We ended up going to different high schools and steadily grew apart after that.
She’s not a horrible person, and there are a lot of redeeming qualities about her. On one hand, she can be a really great friend. But at the same time, she can be so negative. I’m generally the kind of person who avoids drama. I do want her to be in the bridal party, but I can just imagine all kinds of drama happening because of all her negative outbursts recently. She’s usually the one who always makes negative remarks that makes a happy situation really awkward. I would like for most of our mutual childhood friends to be in my bridal party. I also know that should I decide not to ask her to be in the bridal party, it would damage our relationship forever.
We all went to college and had the whole normal college experience. She went to occupational school, but that’s something she’d always wanted to do. We would never ever judge her, and we never have. We think that her chosen occupation is really great, and fanstastic. But after we all graduated, she would make comments about how she was happy that she’d gone to occupational school. That would have been fine if she hadn’t followed it up by saying that everyone should just attend occupational school instead of going to college because college is useless, and all you do is come out without any direction. Occupational school makes it so that everyone has a specific path and career and everyone is being useful to society. We were all in the same position, looking for employment at that time, and I felt like her negative and derogatory attitude towards her friends were so hurtful. It made the atmosphere and conversations so awkward. Where was this coming from, and why did she think it was okay to slam us and say that our college degrees were useless and we were lost and not contributing to society? Even now, when most of us have found work, and she’s the one who is struggling to find it, we’ve never said anything along those lines to her.
She’s also said really offensive things about black people. My field of interest lies in helping the underprivileged, especially ethnic minorities. She’s gone on angry rants about how she doesn’t understand why black people just sit around and complain all the time while it’s their own fault that they’re fulfilling their stereotype. If they just stopped complaining, and worked hard, then they could start contributing to society and everything would be solved. It’s basically all their fault, and I’m being useless by trying to help people like them because they don’t need to be helped. They just need to stop complaining, and go to an occupational school like she did and they’ll come out useful to society.
But she grew up in a wealthy family. She had a really great private education. She doesn’t have to worry about money because she has a trust fund, and she knows it’s coming from somewhere. She’s never had to worry about paying the rent, or if she’s going to get shot, or if there’s going to be food on the table. I was so shocked, and outraged, and pissed off when she said what she said because all I could think about was how shallow, elitist, and privileged that was.
I’m a pescetarian. I took her to a vegetarian restaurant once and she basically threw a fit because “she didn’t have anything to eat”.
I got so many compliments on my ring, and when she saw it, she questioned what was wrong with FI? Why didn’t he get me a nicer ring? I just wanted her to be happy for me, and not have something negative to say about the situation.
I just don’t want another negative outburst surrounding the wedding. I can’t deal with any more stress or drama on top of FI’s family drama.
Whew. Ok, now that I vented about the negatives I feel so much better. It definitely helped me let go of all the hurt. Whatever complex she was having, that was making her hurtful and negative, hopefully she’s worked through them on her own.
Instead of wallowing in the negatives, I’m going to focus back on all the positives in our friendship. I know that there are still a lot of positives about her. Being feisty is part of who she is, but I know that she has my back. She’ll fight for me, and she does care about me. She’ll always take my side if I’m having problems with FI, and if FI’s parents ever tried to pull anything at our wedding, she’d probably be the first person yelling at them. She would be a great bridesmaid and we would have a lot of fun together. I just have to have faith in her, and our friendship, that she’ll come through for me and be happy and not negative. And I’m letting go of the negative things she said and putting them aside. If something happens later, then it happens and I’ll deal with it then instead of freaking out about it before it happens.