- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2011
I’m feeling the need to vent right now in the hopes that it will help me just get over this & let it go before the wedding. (Which is in 5 days).
First a question:If your FI went to a strip club, did it bother you? Did you think it wouldn’t bother you, but it ended up bothering you once it happened. Why or why not?
** I’m not mad at him for going to the strip club. I’m upset with him for not trying to comfort me or reassure me.
Summary: My FI went to his Bachelor’s Party. They ended up going to a strip club, when I thought that part had been cancelled. My fiancé told me about the strip club while we were having sex. I unexpectedly freaked out, & cried. He was annoyed that I was upset. He didn’t want to talk to me, so he played a video game instead. That is mainly what I’m mad about now. He has only apologized through text message.
Also, I made the mistake of texting his best man, leading his best man to take FI home.
Long: My FI had his bachelor’s party on Saturday night. They went to dinner at 7:00, then to a bar/ gamer lounge (as in video games). A couple of the guys came back around 2 am & told me how it was. They said he was going to someone’s house. ((He actually went with the others to a strip club, but I didn’t know this until later)) At 4 am, not having been able to sleep, I texted his best man saying that I could pick up my FI if he wanted me to, but he said no. I finally fell asleeparound 4:30.
His best man dropped him off around 5 or 6 in the morning. I woke up, and FI was upset with me for texting his BM. (Just 4 days before, when he went out, he told me it was fine for me to text him.) I know, it was his Bachelor’s party. Texting him was a mistake, I know. I apologized for it. He said something like “fine, I guess I’m not allowed to go out anymore, etc” and that he felt kind of stuck. Ultimately he said it was “fine” and we went to sleep. Apparently his BM told him he needed “to respect the marriage” and take him home even though FI didn’t want to go home yet.
Anyway, he woke up around 2 in the afternoon. We started having sex, at which point he decided to tell me that he went to a strip club & started describing what happened. I ran into the bathroom and started crying. Tears were streaming down my face.
I thought I wasn’t going to have to deal with this at all because for months they said they’d just go to a LAN center & play video games for his party. But, I thought that if it did happen… I would be able to handle it– that it wasn’t such a big deal, but it really just freaked me out. It was the thought of other half-naked or naked women dancing all over him made me feel dirty, and sad. But, my imagination is probably much worse than what actually happened.
Aside from his choice of timing, I am glad he told me. In fact, I guess I should be happy because he said it was “boring,” that it was hard to find any attractive girls, and that he didn’t feel comfortable there.
So, yes, I overreacted. Granted, he didn’t pick the best time to bring it up. I’m an emotional person, so he should have known I would react that way. After my reaction, he was mad at himself for telling me & took it out on me a little. He said “next time I’m not telling you anything.” Basically he overreacted after that. He didn’t want to apologize or deal with me, so he played his computer game & mostly ignored me. I left and when I got back he mostly ignored me & I went to sleep. So, that made everything worse, and it got blown up into this big fight where it wasn’t about the strippers anymore. We have spoken through text but not about what happened. He’s completely over it, but I’m not.