Post # 1
Okay, I guess I’m sad, mad, disappointed, etc. I have 6 bridesmaids (including MOH) 2 of them are my sisters, which don’t live here. And the other 4 our friends of mine.
I guess the most disappointing thing about this whole wedding is finding out your friends aren’t who you think they are. I had a MOH who passed her bridal shower and bachelorette “duties” onto other bridesmaids because she was “busy”. She didn’t even come out with me when we went out to the bars for my bachelorette party. I ended up spending alot of money on gifts for girls that are ungrateful, selfish, and generally NOT good friends.
Lets see, I’m spending $600 so everyone can get their makeup done as part of their gift. I got them totes, customized wine glasses, koozies, and probably a magazine or something to that effect to read the day of the wedding while everyone is getting ready. So its like $130 a person. I just wish I had more people to count on I guess, I have a bunch of girls “standing up” for me at my wedding that I don’t even want anything to do with after the wedding is over.
My MOH hasn’t offered to help me with ANY projects I need to get done, literally hasn’t done anything to help me..makes excuses for everything. I have a BM who can’t find a job to save her life, and I have to continue to give her money to afford things for MY wedding. At my bach. party I ended up giving her $60 so she could go out with us, now..she didn’t use but maybe $25 of it and didn’t even OFFER to give it back to me, who does that? I mean..I would have let her keep it because she needs it but I was shocked and mortified that she didn’t even offer to give it back (knowing I’m broke trying to pay off last minute wedding stuff)
I have 2 BM who have been good (one who has been SO amazing!!!!). I would ask my MOH to step down if the wedding wasn’t so close and it wouldn’t cause drama. I just thought my wedding is supposed to be about me, and I haven’t felt important enough to anyone except for very few people.
I would like to think that I’m a good person with a good heart who treats people how I want to be treated, yet..I get walked on, and treated like crap.
I can’t wait for the wedding to be over =/
Post # 3
It sucks that the happiest time in your life is turning into such a disappointment. I dont really have any advice, all i can offer is my support.
Post # 4
thanks. I’m glad I have my FI to lean on when I get really down about things. I guess I just don’t know what the point of spending so much money on girls that haven’t been there for me is, I don’t really think I’m demanding..I never ask for help..but it would be nice to feel like these girls give a crap about my wedding.
It’s not like I can say something to them without starting a war and losing BM this close to the wedding..I have a friend coming over Saturday who isn’t even in the wedding helping me with programs..that’s how sad it is..I can’t even get MY bridal party to help me. I know they all have lives, but goodness..a little help would be nice at a time when I’m SO stressed out!
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
It is true, planning a wedding shows you who your true friends are and it sucks…I’ve had similar disappointments with some of my bridal party but on the plus side, I’ve also gotten closer to some friends who have really shown an interest…I’m really sorry for you tho, I totally know how it feels and it’s horrible!
Post # 6
I am sorry you are so disappointed, Have any of them been in or planned a wedidng themselves? I haven’t been in a wedding before and I dont think I would have had any idea how much work went into one until I planned my own. I also wouldn’t think DIY projects the bride wants to do would be a requirement for the wedding party to help with, kind of the down side of deciding to DIY is that you have to do it yourself (I am doing a lot of the paper things myself and it really kind of stinks sometimes)
Post # 7
It’s easy to be disappoitned by people when we have expectations on what they should do based on what we want, need, would do if we were in their shoes, etc. However, based onwhat you said, I don’t see a huge deal here.
Sure your Bm shouldn’t have kept your $60. But do you know that she didn’t just space out that she even had your money, at the end of the night? You’re talking a bach. party where things can get crazy.
You mentioned your MOH not helping, or planning the parties. No that’s not the greatest, but that’s a lot of people’s stories. Maybe they’re really not into crafty stuff. Maybe they’re busy. For some, who don’t have money, extras like a bach party, are a big deal. (Yeah, I consider a bach party and extra.) And the cost might be too much for them.
And people have different ways of showing support. But no one is really goingto be as excited as you are. It is your wedding. But a wedding is one day. It’s hard to maintain the enthusiasm for months of planning and parties.
I’m not sure if there is more to the story, but for what you’ve mentioned, I could see feeling a bit disappointed. But I think calling them selfish, and ungrateful and not wanting to have anything to do with them after the wedding is a bit much. If this is unusual behavior for them, you should probably forgive them a little. If this is typically how you feel about them, maybe you weren’t close enough to have asked them to be BMs in the first place.
Post # 8
I’m not going to put all of the issues on here, because it would take me days and days to write everything. Trust me, when I call them selfish and ungrateful that is EXACTLY what (some) of them are. I Know my wedding isn’t the highlight of their lives..but having people “stand up” for me on my wedding day when they haven’t been supportive through the 10 month engagement is hard for me to grasp. Trust me, nothing got “crazy” at the bach. party – we went to bars..thats was it. She had the money, she told me she did..but never offered to give it back to me. That’s not really the issue though, because I wouldn’t end a friendship over $60 – trust me.
I guess my main issue is my MOH – she has been a HUUUUGE disappointment. She complains, complains, complains – doesn’t offer to help with anything..says she doesn’t have money (which I understand, and I’m not knocking her for) but you shouldn’t say you’re going to all kinds of things…then literally..do.nothing. My one good BM had some “special” project for everyone to do and NONE of them turned it in..well, other than my FMIL. It’s just disappointing, and if you were in my situation you’d understand where my disappointment is coming from. Take aside the fact that this girl is my MOH she’s supposed to be my “best friend’ and that is definitely not how i’d treat my “best friend. But whatever.
Post # 9
glad to be able to find fellow brides in the same boat!
i’m really sad to say one of my bm’s notified me today that she’s backing out. now i’m down to 2. reason? she’s too busy with grad school and moving from one place to another. i originally chose her obviously b/c she’s a close friend, but i figured in a situation where you have to choose between friend & school, she’d choose me! probably should have known better… part of me feels like i can’t be mad at her though.
the good thing is that i planned ahead in case something like this was to happen, so i have a back-up girl. have any of you had to bring in a back-up? how did you approach her about it?
Post # 10
I feel your pain, I’ve posted on here recently about my bridesmaid from hell so I totally get where you’re coming from. I know it’s a little bit close to the wedding for all of this to be happening and I’m really sorry you’re going through all this.
Could you sit down and talk to her about this? You guys still have a bit of time to build bridges back and it would be a shame to lost an entire friendship over one day (albeit an important one, and she has let you down badly). It sounds like there have been problems for a while and maybe you girls need to clear the air between you…
If it’s really that bad, and you’ve tried talking to her, then I’d ask your good BM to be your MOH, are all your girls wearing the same dress? Would it be very noticeable? I know the ettiquette experts would shoot me down over this, but it is YOUR day! You only get it once so follow your heart – I wish you every success.
@jisikah – my bad BM is my back up lol – a girl can’t win!
Post # 11
Sucks. I wish you could turn the really good BM into MOH.
You know what? Just view the good BM as your MOH, and your current MOH as a mere technicality. Go to this BM for the support and help you need from a MOH, she can be your MOH in your heart (you could even tell her that, if it doesn’t cause problems). The other good one too.
Post # 12
I think this is a very common situation. I felt similarly at times. My bridesmaids had nothing to do with planning my events. I practically had to force my MOH to plan my shower and walk her through planning a bachelorette party. Heck, I had to book the hotel rooms for everyone and put them on my credit card and in the end half the people backed out and left me with the bill! And then everyone bitched about my bachelorette party because it was in minneapolis and that is dangerous. they freaking ruined it. and now i’m supposed to be excited about theirs that are coming up this fall? we’ll see about that. what goes around comes around…