(Closed) Just need to vent..

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

It sucks that the happiest time in your life is turning into such a disappointment. I dont really have any advice, all i can offer is my support.

Post # 5
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

It is true, planning a wedding shows you who your true friends are and it sucks…I’ve had similar disappointments with some of my bridal party but on the plus side, I’ve also gotten closer to some friends who have really shown an interest…I’m really sorry for you tho, I totally know how it feels and it’s horrible! 

Post # 6
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am sorry you are so disappointed, Have any of them been in or planned a wedidng themselves? I haven’t been in a wedding before and I dont think I would have had any idea how much work went into one until I planned my own. I also wouldn’t think DIY projects the bride wants to do would be a requirement for the wedding party to help with, kind of the down side of deciding to DIY is that you have to do it yourself (I am doing a lot of the paper things myself and it really kind of stinks sometimes)

 

Post # 7
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

It’s easy to be disappoitned by people when we have expectations on what they should do based on what we want, need, would do if we were in their shoes, etc.  However, based onwhat you said, I don’t see a huge deal here.

Sure your Bm shouldn’t have kept your $60.  But do you know that she didn’t just space out that she even had your money, at the end of the night?  You’re talking a bach. party where things can get crazy.

You mentioned your MOH not helping, or planning the parties.  No that’s not the greatest, but that’s a lot of people’s stories.  Maybe they’re really not into crafty stuff.  Maybe they’re busy.  For some, who don’t have money, extras like a bach party, are a big deal.  (Yeah, I consider a bach party and extra.)  And the cost might be too much for them. 

And people have different ways of showing support.  But no one is really goingto be as excited as you are.  It is your wedding.  But a wedding is one day.  It’s hard to maintain the enthusiasm for months of planning and parties.

I’m not sure if there is more to the story, but for what you’ve mentioned, I could see feeling a bit disappointed.  But I think calling them selfish, and ungrateful and not wanting to have anything to do with them after the wedding is a bit much.  If this is unusual behavior for them, you should probably forgive them a little.  If this is typically how you feel about them, maybe you weren’t close enough to have asked them to be BMs in the first place.

Post # 9
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

glad to be able to find fellow brides in the same boat!

i’m really sad to say one of my bm’s notified me today that she’s backing out. now i’m down to 2. reason? she’s too busy with grad school and moving from one place to another. i originally chose her obviously b/c she’s a close friend, but i figured in a situation where you have to choose between friend & school, she’d choose me! probably should have known better… part of me feels like i can’t be mad at her though.

the good thing is that i planned ahead in case something like this was to happen, so i have a back-up girl. have any of you had to bring in a back-up? how did you approach her about it?

Post # 10
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I feel your pain, I’ve posted on here recently about my bridesmaid from hell so I totally get where you’re coming from.  I know it’s a little bit close to the wedding for all of this to be happening and I’m really sorry you’re going through all this.

Could you sit down and talk to her about this?  You guys still have a bit of time to build bridges back and it would be a shame to lost an entire friendship over one day (albeit an important one, and she has let you down badly).  It sounds like there have been problems for a while and maybe you girls need to clear the air between you…

If it’s really that bad, and you’ve tried talking to her, then I’d ask your good BM to be your MOH, are all your girls wearing the same dress?  Would it be very noticeable?  I know the ettiquette experts would shoot me down over this, but it is YOUR day!  You only get it once so follow your heart – I wish you every success.

@jisikah – my bad BM is my back up lol – a girl can’t win!

Post # 11
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sucks.  I wish you could turn the really good BM into MOH. 

You know what? Just view the good BM as your MOH, and your current MOH as a mere technicality.  Go to this BM for the support and help you need from a MOH, she can be your MOH in your heart (you could even tell her that, if it doesn’t cause problems).  The other good one too.

Post # 12
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think this is a very common situation.  I felt similarly at times.  My bridesmaids had nothing to do with planning my events.  I practically had to force my MOH to plan my shower and walk her through planning a bachelorette party.  Heck, I had to book the hotel rooms for everyone and put them on my credit card and in the end half the people backed out and left me with the bill!  And then everyone bitched about my bachelorette party because it was in minneapolis and that is dangerous.  they freaking ruined it.  and now i’m supposed to be excited about theirs that are coming up this fall?  we’ll see about that.  what goes around comes around…

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