- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
I have been very easy going with planning this wedding but some things are starting to bother/worry me, some things that are not at all controllable. Also, I’m not mad, just worried. I tend to have anxeity about things and I think thats just what this is, anxiety. Other things, yes, I will admit…are just plain annoyances.
BM “B”…has been friends with me for over 10 years. Over the last year, our relationship has been rocky and we dont really talk all that much. Her, myself and another girl have been friends for a while and there became this weird compeititon or something between us and needless to say, I just got tired of dealing with it. Backstory… “B” and “C” became very clicky and started leaving me out of things (going out etc) or, they would invite after the plans were already made, making me feel like an afterthought. I’m sorry but, I dont always just want to hang out at the bar, especially with girls who invite me last minute and refuse to change the venue. So..with that and other things, resentment grew. Friend “B” who is a BM, and I had a hash it out talk and we said we would try to work on things. Well..during the wedding process, she has been nothing but snotty toward me. I allowed the girls to pick their dresses and she said she didnt want to spend anymore than $150 on hers…yet she chose one that was $180 and STILL tried to make me feel bad and made the comment (after looking at another girls price tag)..”I guess I dont feel AS BAD about mine”..um, hello..you picked the dress out, how is it my fault?
Back to friend “C”…apparently she is pissed bc I did not ask her to be a bm, and I did ask friend “B” to be a bm. To be honest, the 10 years of friendship was literally the ONLY reason I asked B to be a bm, if I based it on the last year, she would not have been. Friend “C” is now pissed at me but my reasoning why I did not ask her to be a bm, imo, is valid. Friend “C” stopped inviting me, ignored my texts/calls, and whenever I made an effort, she declined any request of us getting together. well, eventually I got tired of asking on a weekly basis to hang out and being turned down, so I stopped. I voiced my opinion on how I didnt just want to see them at bars, which is the only place they ever last minute invited me (mind you, on nights they knew I had to be at work the next day at 7am…and the bar was over 30 minutes from my house…they refuesed to change the venue)…Then, when I got engaged, she was pissed that she had to find out on fb. Well, I’m sorry but I wasnt going to wait weeks to tell them in person bc they never took the time to hang out. So…friend “C” moved to FL, did NOT invite me to her going away party and her excuse was that she thought it would be awkward bc she was upset that I didnt tell her about my engagement. YET…she is now mad at me for not making her a bm…um, if you cant even invite me to your going away party, bc you think its awkward…how would u not feel awkward being in my wedding? Why would I find you to be a good enough friend to stand up in my wedding if I’m clearly not good enough for you to say goodbye to? So she is mad at me and our friendship is ruined.
Onto more drama…
My FI’s best friend and previous roomate, told us that bc of his job, (out of state), he not only will be unable to be a groomsman but also cannot come to the wedding.
Fi’s other friend who is a gm, is now expecting a baby. His wife is due two weeks after our wedding. Their last baby came two weeks early. So, now I’m stressed that something will go wrong/she will have the baby the day of our wedding and my FI will be out another gm. (I know, not controllable and I’m not mad, just stressed)
My MOH..is 110lbs soaking wet and yet she is always complaining saying how she is so fat and needs to lose weight for my wedding. Umm…hello? are you calling me fat bc I’m like 30-40 lbs more than you? Its just another annoyance on my mind bc she does it EVERY TIME we hang out or eat or talk about wedding stuff.
BM, friend “T”…has fallen on financial hardship, getting divorced and has a son, says she is about to lose her trailor… so not only did my FI and I buy her son (and her) over $200 worth of santa gifts as a surprise but I’m also paying for her dress another (180 plus alterations)…all while she is posting on fb wanting another tattoo and talking about going shopping and going on vacation. believe me, I want to help her. FI says we dont know her struggle and we should just help out, and I agree. I just dont like seeing all the posts on fb about her doing stuff I cannot even afford to do right now.
GM, friend “M”…got a DUI (his 2nd one) and told us that he has to wait to get his tux bc he cant afford it right now. There is not rush, they have until April. I just hope this doesnt become an excuse every time, esp since the night he got the DUI, I offered him to use our spare room and told him I would take him back to his truck the next day..so it could have been totally avoidable.
FIL’s are claiming that they will help us pay for wedding things yet have only given us $500. They spend more money than they have and are telling me all the time how they are bad at budgeting. I know its not their job to help us pay but its just annoying because my parents are spending over $17k and my in laws have the bigger family and his mom is pushy about her opinions and who to invite.
FI’s brothers hate me. They arnt talking to my FI and havent since about a month or two before we got engaged. The problem is that they are all real jerks and treated my FI like crap, constantly talking down to him and degrading him. Well, they didnt like that my FI was putting me first and refusing to bars, inappropriate places (even though one of them is married..he treat his wife like crap)…so they had a falling out bc they all claim he changed (bc he stood up for himself for once and stopped allowing their verbal abuse). One of his brothers even made nasty comments to my mom via fb bc my mom commented on a pic of me and FI on fb and his brother tore us apart saying he hopes our relationship fails, etc..he told my mom to basically F off, claiming he did not know it was my mom (which he may not have but still, he is 35 and saying rude things to women vie the internet, grow up!). So…while my FI is hopeful that his brothers will attend out wedding…I feel torn. I want them to bc I know that if they dont, it will damage the relationship forever but, I know how rude and drunks they are so I dont want a fight at my wedding. Drama!
Onto my FSIL…her and I have always had this real fake relationship. We have argued and she always seemed jealous when I came into the picture that her brother was now paying more attention to me (she is the baby and about a year younger than me, even though she acts as immature as my 21 year old baby brother). She has just been so fake to me and my FI is starting to see it and not put up with it but some things seriously annoy me. And the backstory is too long to get into but her latest thing that annoys me is that she publically (via fb…I know, so stupid but this ongoing behavior of hers that annoys me), publically announced how happy she was that her friend is engaged. Did she do that when her own brother got engaged…no. Part of me thinks its bc she plays both sides of the brother drama and doesnt want the other brothers to know she is excited for us. Infact, when he proposed…she didnt even say anything to us. It took him telling ehr off before she even congratulated me. Part of me also thinks she wont say anything on fb bc she is still friends with his ex and has expressed to me her preferance for her over me…they dated 10 years ago…him and I have been together for 4 years!!! But seriously..as dumb as it is, the fb thing annoyed me…why can she put her status as “congrats to my brother”…?? Um hello, its your brother! Oh and..she uses him. She only calls us when she needs something. So annoying.
Where do FI and I stand in all this…well, we know some of these things are not controllable such as the baby and the friends job not letting him take work off. We get that and we are not mad. As far as family, we stay out of ppl’s business and dont deal with the drama…I wouldnt be surprised if we move away once we get married just to avoid the brother/sister drama. I know this is long…I just really needed to vent bc it seems like to stress has begun. Thanks for hearing me out…even though to be honest, if I were you, I would have skimmed this post. haha.