Post # 1
As some of you may know, I’ve been having issues around my FI resisting chipping in for the wedding. Every single day it just becomes more clear that he really doesn’t want this wedding. My best friend has known him for 10 years and feels that what he really cares about is being married to me and he would do a JOP and skip the whole wedding and jump straight to the marriage. She doesn’t think he’s being selfish or mean, he just doesn’t care about the wedding itself. She also thinks in six months this will all be over (the wedding) and I will look back and realize I made too big a deal out of having a wedding. She’s going on her 3rd marriage and feels like they are a waste of money.
I’m heartbroken that my FI can’t get on board knowing how important this is to me and at the same time, I just want to walk away from the wedding now because it feels fake since I’m the only one who wants it.
I know I’m the only one who can decide this, and I just need a place to let out my hurt and frustration. This is supposed to be a happy time in my life and I just feel miserable.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you’re hurting and not feeling supported 🙁
To me, it seems that the fiance should share in the expenses of the wedding for his future bride, even if he doesn’t see the importance of it right now..it’s important to her
Post # 4
IMO, the wedding issue is just the symptom of other underlying issues.
Your other thread was full of red flags.
Post # 5
Why are you talking to her about what he ants instead of him?
Marriage is about communication. If you want this to work, you need to be able to talk it through with him instead of asking a good mutual friend to read his mind. You’re getting yourself worked up without even knowing what he really thinks or feels.
Post # 6
You could always have a beautiful small wedding! Something low budget, with close family and friends. Keeping the wedding intimate, and only inviting those who will always be there is something you will always treasure. Make the wedding about you and your fiance’s love for eachother, not all the small details like food and decorations 🙂 Don’t let wedding stress get in your way from enjoying your engagement.
Post # 7
@Blynne: It’s really not just about the size of the wedding. It seems like f something doesn’t matter to him then it doesn’t matter at all. This wedding doesn’t matter to him, so I should just be happy with a backyard BBQ even though this is my first marriage. ;
Post # 8
Is there any way you could compromise and meet in the middle? Marriage is all about compromise. You want a big wedding, he wants a backyard BBQ – maybe a small barn wedding?
Post # 9
@aheavel: I don’t want a “big” wedding. As it stands now, we are only inviting immediate family and very few friends and keeping it under 100 people. We both have large families and it would be impossible to get the numbers any lower. I have done everything I can to keep costs and numbers down and tried to find the cheapest options for everything. However, I’m not willing to settle for a backyard bbq for what is supposed to be a celebration and a special day. We can have a backyard bbq anytime we only get one chance to have a wedding.
Post # 10
Please re-read what you wrote
” It seems like if something doesn’t matter to him then it doesn’t matter at all. “
You deserve better than this. It sounds like he only thinks of himself and that is not a good recipe for a happy marriage.
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Maybe it’s time to postpone the wedding. Not cancel, not skip the whole idea of marriage, but put if off for a while. You two need to workout some issues, and it seems like the wedding, rather than uniting you two as a team, is begcoming a dividing point. Keep working on the issues in your couples counseling sessions, and hopefully you two can get back to a point where the wedding is on the table again. Hugs
Post # 12
I agree with postponing and working through all these issues. Read your previous posts like an outsider.