Post # 1
Ladies, I didn’t realize I hated weddings so much until I started planning my own. I have been looking at weddings for the past few months just taking in ideas and inspiration for my own that I knew would be sometime soon. Well, now that I’m engaged I hate it. I still research and look up wedding stuff but I hate it.
I can’t get over how much this is going to cost us (which was easy with the fantasy weddings in my head). I am trying to tell myself that this is the only time in our lives that FI & I will get to throw a party like this but it’s not working! He keeps saying that I’m being cynical and seems to have no issues with spending this kind of money. I have expressed multiple times before that I didn’t want a big wedding, that I only wanted a maximum of 100 people and our guest list is at 150 right now. He has a very large family, just his immediate family is 16 people!!
I guess I feel like I’m not being heard at all. We had a discussion with my parents last night about who is paying for what & they said that it’s up to us to decide what we want to do and how we’re going to do it and that they will support us financially as much as they need to. Great, except FI doesn’t seem to hear me when I say that I want to go to city hall and only invite our closest and dearest for a small get together. He is so concerned with what our friends will think because they are expecting a party. At this point I’m ready to hand over ALL the planning to him so that he can take on some of my stress.
Don’t get me wrong, I love going to other people’s weddings, I love looking at all the details and the photos, it’s all beautiful! I just don’t want to have one myself or at least not plan it.
Post # 3
If he’s really into the big wedding and you’re ok with allowing it, I see absolutely no problem in handing over the planning to him. Maybe without the stress of having to plan it, you’ll start to get excited about it closer to the time.
Post # 4
Aww…… I think your feelings are definetly natural. Because in reality it is just 1 day and it is alot of money. But I think you should take a week or two off…. no planning … no looking at ANY wedding stuff and try not to think about your wedding. And if after that time you still feel the same way….. then have a sit down with your FI and tell him exactly how planning your wedding is making you feel. I’m sure that he would rather have a happy City Hall bride opposed to a bridezilla for the next year and a half.
Everything will work out…. I just think you are looking at the wedding as a whole and not small increments. If you decide to do the medium sized wedding, try to only think of one project at a time…. and since you have some time…. try to do one project a week.
Post # 5
@suburban: I second that week without planning.
I felt EXACTLY like you did. I really had invisioned a small 80 person wedding with just immediate family and close friends. I planned on have colour everywhere and thrifty finds. Well now I am having an 180 person wedding with a very formal feel. This is more of what Fi wanted.
At first I really hated it but now that I am getting closer to the date, I am starting to fall more in love with the idea.
I think do what you feel is right in your heart. Take some time away from the idea and return to it to see how you feel.
Post # 6
What would he think of a compromise? You could get married privately with a marriage commissioner (you can’t get married at city hall in Canada, you have to hire your MC and they’ll meet you at whatever location you choose, but judges have nothing to do with it as they do in the USA). All you’d need is 2 witnesses. Then, you could host a cocktail reception afterwards (even a few days/weeks later) and skip a lot of things like limos, flowers, favours etc… and save a bit of cash. Also, you could hire a photographer for just a couple of hours instead of the whole day, which also cuts down on the cost.
Post # 7
Thanks ladies, you’re right, I probably just need to step away from doing anything wedding related for a little while.
I know that in the end that I would love our wedding no matter what it is, I am just not looking forward to planning something I didn’t really envision.
@MissNoodles: We live across the street from City Hall & while you can’t get married there there is a wedding chapel pretty much in the same building. As far as compromising, some of it he’s ok with (cocktail reception) and other things he isn’t going to budge on a lot. I’ll run some ideas by him later and see what he says.
Post # 8
I completely hear you. Its not really the size for me, but the demanding opinons from others. I found my dress, I cried when I tried it on, only to be shredded by my sister. My Mom has way too many opinions and since we are both over 40 and paying for it ourselves, I have to keep shutting everone down. At this point, its already been such a battle that a few times, I have just said forget it and cancelled. My fiance’s family are all travelling 2000 miles to come to the wedding and not one of them has said a peep. Just my interferring family who is lucky enough to have it in their town.
Post # 9
I’m in the same boat! I would be more than happy going to the courthouse with just a few friends. We’re really doing the wedding for our families, they are so excited! I’m learning to let go of the little things- and as long as we stay within budget, I’m happy!
Post # 10
listen, maybe now it seems overwhelming, but you will enjoy it and the pictures too! 🙂 just plan something fun and relax, nothing too formal but if still you are not convince, go dress shopping, that usually does the trick! 🙂 enjoy yourself, it can take a lot but if you plan everything and do not wait until the last minute to do it, you will be fine! also the fact that you invite 180, it doesnt mean that everyone is coming! enjoy yourself…
Post # 11
i know how you feel! at first i was excited to plan, but now its making me feel super crazy. i feel like i spend too much time on wedding stuff and its all this money for one day. i know its one big special day, but at times i cant help but feel depressed when i think about the finances and all the time invested too. it has been a big headache for me and FI too. i also wanted an intimate wedding as i have no family in the US but my immediate family….and we are inviting 100 guests, which are mostly his family and friends…but now i’m starting to worry that nobody will show up. its complicated. but yes, i definitely try to take breaks from planning, but when i stop, i find myself unmotivated and tired or worried. And when i try to plan again, I feel stressed and like i’m going crazy and that things arent going to be what i want because i am trying to make the budget work etc. I think its best to take a mini vacation. FI and I havent gone anywhere in 2 years. I guess if you can do this, i would recommend that maybe you and FI should take a break to somewhere nice like a fancy dinner night with movies or a show or just something you love to do together so both of you can stop planning and worrying for a bit and just enjoy yourselves.
can you tell i’m going thru similar feelings? *sigh*