So, the invitations are out, and the replies are coming in. Today we got a response from FI's parents' friends, and they responded that they are coming, and that their college-age son is, too. Great, except we didn't invite their son. Is it okay to call them and say something like, "I'm so sorry, but due to space and budget constraints we are being firm that only the people listed on the invitation can come?" Is there a nicer way to say that? I think their son goes to college in the town where our wedding is, so maybe that's why they added him.
I wouldn't be so upset about it except we just had our first shower, thrown by FI's family, and they invited a bunch of people we hadn't planned to invite to the wedding, so I'm still sore about having to add 11 extra people to our guest list.
Is there a nicer way to say this? Should I call, or should we talk to FI's mom?
I think it should be your FI's responsibility, or his parent's responsibility, to call these guests and let them know that you're sorry, but you have to deal with the constraints and boundaries that have been set by the venue and that only the guests named on the invitation are included. If you can't trust your FI's parents to handle this (because obviously they didn't listen to you before regarding the guest list), I think your FI needs to take charge.
I totally wouldn't add the people to your guest list, btw. It's your FI's parents fault and I would make them explain to their friends that you don't have space. If you've already send the invites, you are a better person than me. As far as the son goes, I would have your FI call them and tell them.
You might also suggest to your FI's parents that they only way you'll be able to accomodate these extra guests (if they insist) is if they chip in to pay for the additional cost?
I would talk to FI's mom before calling. Even if you end up calling after you talk to her, at least it won't come to her as a surprise. I totally feel your FMIL pain -- mine is acting up, too -- but I try to hold my tongue as much as possible and keep things kosher because she's going to be in my life long after the wedding has past.
One of my mom's friends (who through my bridal shower) added her high school aged son, who was not on the invitation. We simply explained that we are not inviting parents' friends with kids. She wasn't thrilled, but she understood. Talk to your FI and his mom and have him mom explain the situation.
I totally don't understand why people do this. Even if there is space to accommodate an extra person, the bottom line is this: obviously FI's parent's friends' son wasn't someone close enough to the two of you to be included on the guest list. I'd dare say you may not even be more than acquaintances with this person.
You have to stand your ground (and it sounds like you are). More importantly, make sure both FI and his mom understand how you feel, but do it in a non-confrontational manner. Ultimately, this day is supposed to be about your and FI's love for one another. Sometimes you have to take Nancy Regan's advice and "just say no"
So, the invitations are out, and the replies are coming in. Today we got a response from FI's parents' friends, and they responded that they are coming, and that their college-age son is, too. Great, except we didn't invite their son. Is it okay to call them and say something like, "I'm so sorry, but due to space and budget constraints we are being firm that only the people listed on the invitation can come?" Is there a nicer way to say that? I think their son goes to college in the town where our wedding is, so maybe that's why they added him.
I wouldn't be so upset about it except we just had our first shower, thrown by FI's family, and they invited a bunch of people we hadn't planned to invite to the wedding, so I'm still sore about having to add 11 extra people to our guest list.
Is there a nicer way to say this? Should I call, or should we talk to FI's mom?
Thanks!!
posted by pancakes 16 posts 3 months agoI think it should be your FI's responsibility, or his parent's responsibility, to call these guests and let them know that you're sorry, but you have to deal with the constraints and boundaries that have been set by the venue and that only the guests named on the invitation are included. If you can't trust your FI's parents to handle this (because obviously they didn't listen to you before regarding the guest list), I think your FI needs to take charge.
Good luck!
posted by cupcake 274 posts 3 months agoI totally wouldn't add the people to your guest list, btw. It's your FI's parents fault and I would make them explain to their friends that you don't have space. If you've already send the invites, you are a better person than me. As far as the son goes, I would have your FI call them and tell them.
posted by KateMW 483 posts 3 months agoI'm kind of wondering if maybe your FI's parents told them the son would be invited?
Isn't it amazing how weddings make otherwise sane people act like crazy people?
posted by FutureMrsCodogg 68 posts 3 months agoYou might also suggest to your FI's parents that they only way you'll be able to accomodate these extra guests (if they insist) is if they chip in to pay for the additional cost?
I would talk to FI's mom before calling. Even if you end up calling after you talk to her, at least it won't come to her as a surprise. I totally feel your FMIL pain -- mine is acting up, too -- but I try to hold my tongue as much as possible and keep things kosher because she's going to be in my life long after the wedding has past.
Good luck! :)
posted by saramari 10 posts 3 months agoOne of my mom's friends (who through my bridal shower) added her high school aged son, who was not on the invitation. We simply explained that we are not inviting parents' friends with kids. She wasn't thrilled, but she understood. Talk to your FI and his mom and have him mom explain the situation.
posted by EK 182 posts 3 months agoIs there someone you invited that isn't coming? He could take their place, to so speak.
Surely there will be at least one person invited that will not show up.
posted by echoleigh 5 posts 3 months agoI totally don't understand why people do this. Even if there is space to accommodate an extra person, the bottom line is this: obviously FI's parent's friends' son wasn't someone close enough to the two of you to be included on the guest list. I'd dare say you may not even be more than acquaintances with this person.
You have to stand your ground (and it sounds like you are). More importantly, make sure both FI and his mom understand how you feel, but do it in a non-confrontational manner. Ultimately, this day is supposed to be about your and FI's love for one another. Sometimes you have to take Nancy Regan's advice and "just say no"
posted by loralie 48 posts 3 months ago