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I think it's an awkward situation for people if they don't know anyone at the wedding. But if they do, then it's fine.
The way I handled this was by saying "Im sorry but right now we can't allow any plus 1s because our venue/budget doesnt allow it. But if someone rsvp's no, I will be sure to tell you so you can bring someone"
Just saying "no" may kind of sound harsh tho.
@tranquility: Thanks. I probably will say something along the lines of what you did. I'm glad I'm not alone on this one.
Ohhh...just say no...ours turned into a snowball effect, it's awful.
@ejones1216: If your friendship does not survive because she cannot brign a date, it wasnt that strong of a friendship to begin with. I would tell her in the nicest way possible that due to budget constraints you would love for her to be able to come, but you are not able to accomodate her date.
I don't understand why people feel obligated to bring an extra person.
My MIL is doing our phone RSVP's, and she has been letting everyone bring a guest - my cousin is bringing a boyfriend we didn't even know she had, and my parents friends are bringing their two kids who I had decided didn't need to come.
I would've said no, but my MIL doesn't seem to comprehend that idea.
I agree, just explain to her the snowball effect. If she's working on reconciliation though and is planning to bring her husband, I think she kind of deserves a +1 seeing as she is married.
I am glad you posted this!!! We are trying to stay on a tight budget and feel that our guest list could double if all our guests decided to bring a date.
We are not sure how to handle letting our single guests know, that we would like for them not to bring a guest, so I am really looking forward to hearing what everyone has to say.
A line that everyone on this site needs to memorize is "I'm sorry, but that won't be possible". You are not required to give a reason (and I find giving a reason just invites more problems). She is being rude to ask and question your guest list. Be polite but firm.
Eh, I don't know. I always think you should give your guest an option of bringing a date (not their kids, family, etc. Just 1 guest). For budget reasons we are keeping our guest list small, and this includes a +1 for everyone.
I've been on the other side of this and have been upset when I haven't been allowed a date. The absolute rule is married, engaged or living together, but I think if someone has been dating for 6 months or more they should get a guest too.
Can you trim money elsewhere? I wasn't invited to a wedding once when FI and I had been dating for almost 3 years and were on the verge of getting engaged. It hurt.
For the record, this date she's asking to bring is a new boyfriend of maybe 4 months max, whom I've never even met.
I know this post is a month old, and I am sure you have already responded to her BUT I just wanted to let you know that I absolutely agree with you- she is in the wrong for expecting that she should be entitled to bring a date.
I was on the other end of this a few years ago, when I had been dating my boyfriend for only 4 months. I was a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding of FOUR HUNDRED people! I would have never thought to ask if I could bring a date when I was only dating him for 4 months! Money is definitely not an issue for her family either but it is just rude to make a special request for her to accomodate someone that she barely even knew, and that might be out the door in a month or two!
@ejones1216: Thanks, Bees, for all of your support. Two days after I politely told her that I didn't have the room in my guest list for a 'plus 1' at the moment but would let her know if that changed, I was literally about to pick up the phone & call her to tell her I'd had an opening, but the next RSVP card I opened was hers with a big fat scribbly "X" scrawled next to "decline with regret." Hmm...
I suppose she was more interested in going to a party with her new squeeze than sharing in my happiness. In the end, she did me a favor by showing her true colors. Now, I'm GLAD that such a selfish and rude person won't be there on our special day, or ever have a place in my life again.
I don't know the whole situation but I think you are being a little harsh on her in your last post. It is quite possible she is uncomfortable going to a wedding single. There are many moments at a wedding than can be awkward and uncomfortable for a single. That doesn't make her selfish or rude if that is the case.
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Invitations went out, addressed specifically to whom are invited. Due to our tight budget & large family taking up the majority of our guest list, single friends are invited on their own, which is CLEAR by the fact that only the invitees' names were on both the outer & inner envelopes.
So, WHY would my girlfriend put me in an awkward position by texting "just confirming that I can bring a date..."? She isn't stupid, nor is she ignorant of how wedding ettiquette works; for goodness sake, she just got married less than 3 years ago herself (and has consequently separated). Now, I feel obligated to say yes, which will open the floor for all of our other single friends to beg to bring dates, then lead to others asking to bring kids (under 21 are not invited)...a total snowball affect leaving us entertaining guests we don't want, know nor care about.
I'm telling her no, politely & firmly. Will my friendship survive? I don't know, but if she becomes that offended over HER faux pas, then she wasn't really my friend to begin with. So why do I feel so nervous over this?