- 7 years ago
I just need to vent, and before anyone comments…I know that me and my Fiance need to go to counseling, but right now that’s not an option. With our schedules it is impossible, so I really just need to know how to better comuunicate, and to get him to better communicate so we can figure this problem out.
So here’s the deal. Me and my Fiance never have sex anymore, maybe once or twice a month. If you’ve read my previous post, you would know that my Fiance emotionally cheated a year and a half ago, and ever since then well, for about 6 months our sex life has suffered. I got on the pill and it took my sex drive away for the most part. But I am really not into sex with my Fiance anymore and I don’t want it to be like this.
I just have no desire for it, when we first got together we only saw each other on the weekends and we did it 7 or 8 times in that weekend, now maybe once or twice a month. =/ He called me on his work break today and said how unhappy and frustrated he is because he wants to have sex, but I just can’t do it, and a lot of the reasons why is tied to emotional reasons like this:
He is very immature. He jokes around all the time about stupid stuff (farting, etc.), he picks on me thinking its funny when it’s not (i.e; how I’m obsessed with makeup and how I spend too much money on it, how when I get a job i’m not going to pay bills I’m only going to shop, things like that) < which totally aren’t true…he says these things which hurt me, even though he says he’s joking about them but I’ve told him time and time again that his jokes aren’t funny especially when they are so personal. Also, his sense of humor, he has a very dry sense of humor and I can never tell when he’s joking about something, instead if he jokes it just sounds like a personal attack and I get upset. I’ve explained this to him a thousand times and he just doesnt get it at all. He keeps joking and poking at me in a million ways and I can no longer emotionally connect with him.
Like today…we went to meet with the caterer to give the deposit and on the way back to go home I wanted to stop at a fast food place to get a sandwich because I hadn’t eaten and I was feeling light headed. I was going to pay for the sandwich myself and I asked if we could stop, I was digging through all of my change to find enough to buy some food and he says “Geez, you’ll do anything to eat fast food won’t you?” and I said, “No, I’ll do anything to get food because I havent eaten and I need to”. It was so upsetting because IIIIII was paying for it not HIM! Why does it matter? I’m not overweight, I don’t eat it all the time like I used to, and I NEEDED FOOD! Before I passed out!
These are the types of things he says on a daily basis that really get to me, and its constantly. he can never be serious, and he’s 26, I’m 21. I feel like I’m dealing with a 10year old boy and its so irritating. This is pushing me away and I really dont want to have sex because hes never serious, he even jokes as we are fooling around, he cant ever be serious.
I ask him to tone it down some and he just never does, I’ve had the conversation with him a million times and he just doesnt get why it upsets me so much, it wouldnt if he wasnt so personal about his jokes. But he calls me on his work break today and tells me how unhappy he is and frustrated and makes me feel awful because I know we need to have sex, and I want to, but I just cant emotionally connect because he acts so immature all the time anymore. When we first got together he didnt make the jokes as much because he was afraid I would leave him, now that hes comfortable he just doesnt know when to stop.
How can I deal with this? I really want to marry this man because he can be really sweet and everything and be manly and all of that when he wants to be, but I cant even imagine having children with him if hes always going to act like one himself. I want our amazing sex life back not only because I miss it, but because our relationship might not last if I dont give it to him.
If you have any advice on how to communicate this to him that would be great. Like I said, I know we need counseling but we really cant right now, so I need to know how to fix this without it. Thanks for listening.