- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2010
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.”
The wasted man asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”
“Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled.”
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, “All of You b*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we’re in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we’re going down the tracks”.
The horrified mother went in and told her son, ‘We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,”All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.”
She hears the little boy continue,
“For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”
As the mother began to smile, the child added……….
“For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”
Haha, I’m at work & my dad is sitting at his desk CRACKING up reading these jokes…I had to share them with yall!! 🙂 Do yall have any good ones?? Please share!