Post # 1
I have a huge family. My FI does not. I am extremely close to many cousins, and I also have stepsiblings that mean the world to me. With that said, because I didn’t want to have 10 bridesmaids…I decided to keep my bridesmaid count to 4…my 4 very best girlfriends. I decided I would give siblings other things to do. I asked my brothers to be ushers and planned on asking my FI’s sister to do all the readings for the ceremony. When my FMIL and FSIL found out…they flipped out! Now, I don’t have a close relationship with my FSIL. We are cordial but she does the occasional really immature thing that makes me not really try to hang out with her much (ie..deleted me and blocked me off facebook because she didn’t understand something I said and was offended by it)
My FI and have planned our whole wedding together with my father paying for everything. If we disagree on something, we come to a compromise which I think is healthy. The same thing with his sister—we agreed that having her stand on his side in a similar dress to my bridesmaids would be a wonderful compromise. She was shocked and offended that we would even suggest that.
Am I in the wrong here for not making her a bridesmaid? I just couldn’t add her and not add 5 more people that were important to me and I wanted a small wedding. FMIL and FSIL have called me bridezilla, compared me to his crazy ex girlfriend, told me I was mean and hurtful, and FSIL refuses to be in the same room with me. Of course she is saying she isn’t coming to the wedding.”I hope to GOD you treat my brother better than you treat his sister” … all because I didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid?
I’m at a loss. I have no idea what to do here. I have tried to talk to his sister. I’m back on speaking terms with his mother but its still strained. His sister is still refusing to talk to me even though I’ve tried to explain things and apologized for hurting her feelings a THOUSAND times.
Also, his mother says things like “Her cousins don’t count because that’s not close enough family…and stepsiblings don’t count because they aren’t blood. She can just add (sister) without adding anyone else…”
I’m really hurt by their behavior and I find myself just having this horrible anger build up in me. They are blaming this huge family rift on me now, because of the way they responded to that disagreement.
Post # 3
@MissRuthie: No. You do not have to include her as a Bridesmaid or in the wedding party at all. To expect to be included when she isn’t close to you is presumptous and to throw a hissy fit is rude. If you don’t want her in the wedding then you don’t need to include her – make sure that your FI is vocal about this as well. It probably won’t help, but it might make them think twice about their behavior if he is actively taking your side.
Post # 4
@LoggerHead91207: He did. And he has stood by me the whole time. Now his sister won’t speak to him either.
Post # 5
@MissRuthie: Talk to your FI about this immediately. He needs to put his family in place!
Yes, it would be a nice gesture to make your FSIL a bm, but sense you aren’t close and have limited space that should be the end of it.
They’re acting bratty and guilt-tripping you in hopes that you’ll give in. Is this his only sibling? It might help to discuss how important or unimportant it is to him that his sister is a bm. Once you’ve discussed this, he needs to address it with both the mother and sister. He needs to make it clear that he agrees (assuming) with you.
That should take some of the pressure and guilt off your shoulders.
Post # 6
@MissRuthie: Your concerns were valid about not making her a BM. Her behavior is proof that she would have just given you hell.
Giving in to them will just set a precendence to allow them to walk all over you in the future.
If you threathens not to come just say “We will miss seeing you there” and let her have her hissy fit.
Your MIL’s comments regards your family are rude and mean. Cousins and stepsiblings can be just as loving as blood siblings.
Post # 7
Wow, his sister is being a brat. And what his mom said is completely out of line. I don’t understand why she isn’t happy standing on his side. You don’t have to make her a bridesmaid. I think your FI needs to have a talk with his family about the compromises you’ve made so that they realize you’re excluding anyone to be mean.
Post # 8
@MissRuthie: Honestly, I added my SIL as a BM about half way through the planning process bc I thought the rift it would create if I didn’t ask, wouldn’t be worth it in the end. Just remember to think about your future relationship with this girl… the situation sucks though.
Post # 9
Your FILs sound a little nuts! I hope they’re not usually like that…
Honestly, I would stop making an effort to make them happy. Your FI agrees with you, has defended your choice to them, and if they have an issue, it’s no longer your problem.
Post # 10
@MissRuthie: Ugh – FSIL’s can be the worst! I’m sorry they are stressing out! I would under no circumstances ask her to be a bridesmaids. That is going to teach your FMIL and her that they can cry and moan and bitch and get their way. Don’t let them start taking advantage now because they will never stop!